(no subject)
i found out yesterday that my dad is coming back to brazil with his family. i haven't seen him in about 10 years. and i'm not sure how i feel about it. am i happy? am i excited? i know i'm nervous. nervous to have to deal with his wife again, nervous to have to put up with all of his bullshit. but i hope that this time things will be different. better. just thinking about seeing him again i freak out on the inside. i start to tremble and wonder, how will things be this time around? i don't know whether to look forward to it, or... i don't even know. we haven't been on good terms since i was 6. how am i suppose to deal with all of this now?