(no subject)
at times like this is good to update because theres noone else to talk to but a computer screen.
chances are it would have never happened. i never read messages from dominique when i look in your inbox, whats the point? shes just your good pal. i honestly was about to sign off when by accident it clicked on the message and i went to close it when i saw her name. i wasn't shocked.
turned it off. felt sick. wanted you. and wanted you to die a bit too. cause you lie. bout lots of stupid shit. and this. all the time.
Theres a postit lying next to me in work with her second name on it. arthur mclusky. thats great. its a real fucking ugly name. really shit. i used to feel bad for not liking her for no reason whatsoever when i was younger. i just had a gut feeling about her. and spose i was right. this is what the gut feeling was. but i still shouldnt. cause its not her fault. it's not really yours either. your just not too nice a person to have told me the truth.
see before you start to 'like' someone, start seeing them. start a relationship which is supposed to be trustful and loving. SEE BEFORE YOU GET THE OTHER PERSON TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. just check, like stop for a few seconds. and just check. if you still love that ginger lassie. it would just be decent i suppose. so that no one ends up hurt.
that weekend there was so harsh. and i just felt we were there for one another. like you could see me through anything and make me laugh whenever, i wish this wasn't the end. cause i wanted to stay with you. by the looks of it though. by the looks of no phonecall or text back. this must be it?
you know every side of me, i know you think you don't but you do. i never held back. you did though. bout her.
no one expected me to be able to do this, to hold down a relationship cause i always fuck up and cheat.
no. i never. this was real
it was you.
so many little thoughts and times are in my head now. and they always will be. they'll stay there.