Thoughts On Awards Sites/Communities
Sometimes I find that my curiosity leads me places heretofore undiscovered. Today, I had gotten a PM from someone at a forum I'm helping out with and I found out someone had an LJ that I didn't know had an LJ and I went to look around and see what they were up to....which was awesome...but through this person, I discovered a community I'm sure many of you are aware of, spn_award . Naturally, I was curious, which is how this whole thing started, oddly enough, and I looked around.
Apparently, it's a new community where you can nominate fellow Supernatural artists, writers, fans, etc. for various categories of awards. My first thought was, who can I nominate? My second reaction was of how this was supposed to be a great way to support fellow SNers (and it is) and suddenly, I'm letting myself feel that old, ugly, creeping jealousy/disappointment knowing I'd never be nominated, much less win anything no matter what the category. And I feel bad, because this is such a selfish thing to think. Even if that did happen, I'd then feel guilty about it because I had these thoughts in the first place.
I used to participate in various awards communities, but after a while, I just quit. I always ended up with two dilemmas. If I never got nominated/won, I felt like it was because I was so far below my peers--which just sucks to feel that way. If I did get nominated/won something, I'd wonder if I really deserved it in the first place or if I'd gotten it by having an awesome friend or two out there...and feel guilty because I was being such a jealous witch in the first place. *sigh* It's a circle. Also, many times I'd see really talented people overlooked because someone else had enough buddies to help them out--which seemed so unfair. Ultimately, I ended up deciding I was better off not participating at all so, therefore, I wouldn't have to know what was going on and wouldn't feel bad either way.
But now I find myself at the crossroads again. My gut instinct is to move along and just pretend I don't know about the community at all because I'm better off and happier not knowing about it. However, I feel guilty because, shouldn't I at least be there supporting those I feel are worthy and deserving of some recognition? Isn't it a little selfish of me to not provide support to others simply because I'm a petty, jealous, messed up person? Then I think, seriously, what is the big deal? Participate, don't participate it doesn't really matter. It's supposed to be for fun and celebratory anyway.
Why do I have to make every single thing so complicated?
Anyway, I don't even really know why I'm posting this except, I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else ever feels this way? As for me, more than likely, I'll put on my big girl panties and go over later to nominate a few people this go-around and then, likely try to forget about the whole thing. It's a compromise ;).
Apparently, it's a new community where you can nominate fellow Supernatural artists, writers, fans, etc. for various categories of awards. My first thought was, who can I nominate? My second reaction was of how this was supposed to be a great way to support fellow SNers (and it is) and suddenly, I'm letting myself feel that old, ugly, creeping jealousy/disappointment knowing I'd never be nominated, much less win anything no matter what the category. And I feel bad, because this is such a selfish thing to think. Even if that did happen, I'd then feel guilty about it because I had these thoughts in the first place.
I used to participate in various awards communities, but after a while, I just quit. I always ended up with two dilemmas. If I never got nominated/won, I felt like it was because I was so far below my peers--which just sucks to feel that way. If I did get nominated/won something, I'd wonder if I really deserved it in the first place or if I'd gotten it by having an awesome friend or two out there...and feel guilty because I was being such a jealous witch in the first place. *sigh* It's a circle. Also, many times I'd see really talented people overlooked because someone else had enough buddies to help them out--which seemed so unfair. Ultimately, I ended up deciding I was better off not participating at all so, therefore, I wouldn't have to know what was going on and wouldn't feel bad either way.
But now I find myself at the crossroads again. My gut instinct is to move along and just pretend I don't know about the community at all because I'm better off and happier not knowing about it. However, I feel guilty because, shouldn't I at least be there supporting those I feel are worthy and deserving of some recognition? Isn't it a little selfish of me to not provide support to others simply because I'm a petty, jealous, messed up person? Then I think, seriously, what is the big deal? Participate, don't participate it doesn't really matter. It's supposed to be for fun and celebratory anyway.
Why do I have to make every single thing so complicated?
Anyway, I don't even really know why I'm posting this except, I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else ever feels this way? As for me, more than likely, I'll put on my big girl panties and go over later to nominate a few people this go-around and then, likely try to forget about the whole thing. It's a compromise ;).