Sadly...not suprised.

[novelty_white]

So , those of you who know me, know that I do not trust easily, or often. When I do it is always hard to let things out and bare my true self to the eyes of whomever I'm speaking with. I have different levels of friendship that I hold people in. Basically, the more I have told you about me, the more of a friend I consider you. I have a lot of people who think they are my friends but I do not consider them so. I don't break their idea of our relationship because that is just cruel. But I don't lose any sleep over the omission either. The one person on this damned side of the country that I trusted with things about me (ie. my father, sony and the band, details of BOBBY'S AND MINE relationship) I have just found out, has shared EVERY.....SINGLE.....CONVERSATION that we have EVER had, with every other person in our group. My co-workers know everything. She betrayed me in such a way and yet I am not suprised. Everytime I have trusted someone with peices of me (with the exception of the obvious) they have been spread like little bits of ash all over the world I thought was secure. This girl was supposedly my friend. The one person of the group of snakes that I thought was different. We shared the same opinions on a multitude of things, we shared similar life styles in regards to our relationships and being subs, we even like similar things to do. And yet, every conversation that I held in confidence, she shared like ice cream to hungry children. And now, I'm beginning to have the impression that the person calling me and telling me horrible things from the private number, is someone who knows her and to whom she has told my secrets to. The really sad part!! I would have had no idea had a mutual aquaintance not gotten shit faced tore last night and divulged all the information that she shared.

I am just..SO done. I keep wondering (when things like this happen)...When am I going to learn? I may have been lonely when I didn't have friends, but at least I didn't continuously get hurt. There's comfort in not caring about others. There's safety in not baring your soul....Why does the whole world say that I have to? Why should I? What the fuck good has it done when it comes to the people that call themselves my "friends"? NOt a damn bit that's what.

I want to go home.