Fic. Living Out of Memories (Torchwood) // PG, Drabble
Title // Living Out of Memories
Author // Meridian (View All Fics)
General Info // Rated PG, All characters and ideas associated with Torchwood belong to their respective creators. Title comes from Delta Goodrem's I Can't Break It To My Heart.
Fandom // Torchwood, Tosh Sato
Summary // Post 2x03 "To the Last Man" (Spoilers). Tosh goes home and is left with the reality of her actions.
Living Out of Memories
When she looks around the apartment all the colours have faded.
Everything seems slightly off, as though she'd never quite realised that there was something missing until the hole in her heart had been filled and then torn out again. It hurt like hell, and she knew that in the end she only had herself to blame.
But she wouldn't change it. Not for anything.
Owen was right. She was strong.
This would make her stronger.
The dry taste, like ashes, in her mouth, and the terrible memories that she knew would plague her for weeks, months, would eventually fade away, just like the colours around her. Those would come back. Eventually. She'd done what she needed to do, and even if it pinched at her broken heart, she knew she'd done the right thing. She'd helped to save the lives of everyone on the planet, losing the one life that she wished she could have saved more than anything else.
All she can think about is the shell-shocked look on Tommy's face in that dismal hospital bed, clutching at an object he couldn't remember what was for. He was - had been - so young.
To die that way --
Her tears fall into an abandoned glass of red wine that she's been holding for an hour, just because she needs to feel something, anything, even if it's only the cool glass on her fingertips. The curtains are open, the night sky visible through the windows, the tiny pin-pricks of light twinkling in the darkness, outshone by the lights of the city below them.
If she wasn't already so miserable just the mere thought that the natural beauty of the stars could be outshone by artificial lighting might have driven her mad, but now she barely noticed it. Her mind was reeling from memories, thoughts, senses.
From feelings.
Tommy's voice when he spoke, gentle and soft, when he'd asked if she'd wondered whether humans were worth saving after all. She'd been so sure then, so steadfast in her resolve that despite the atrocities they visited upon themselves, they - the human race - deserved the right to try and save themselves.
Now she wasn't so sure.
One life had been sacrificed to save billions.
How was any of that fair?
Did it matter anymore?
Could she ever forget?
She never even knew anyone else was in her apartment until she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. Comforting, not trying to pry. Making sure that she was okay, and letting her know that someone cared. Someone knew that the price had been too high for her to carry the burden alone.
And when she was wrapped up in Jack's arms, she felt hot tears burn her cheeks anew.
Author // Meridian (View All Fics)
General Info // Rated PG, All characters and ideas associated with Torchwood belong to their respective creators. Title comes from Delta Goodrem's I Can't Break It To My Heart.
Fandom // Torchwood, Tosh Sato
Summary // Post 2x03 "To the Last Man" (Spoilers). Tosh goes home and is left with the reality of her actions.
Living Out of Memories
When she looks around the apartment all the colours have faded.
Everything seems slightly off, as though she'd never quite realised that there was something missing until the hole in her heart had been filled and then torn out again. It hurt like hell, and she knew that in the end she only had herself to blame.
But she wouldn't change it. Not for anything.
Owen was right. She was strong.
This would make her stronger.
The dry taste, like ashes, in her mouth, and the terrible memories that she knew would plague her for weeks, months, would eventually fade away, just like the colours around her. Those would come back. Eventually. She'd done what she needed to do, and even if it pinched at her broken heart, she knew she'd done the right thing. She'd helped to save the lives of everyone on the planet, losing the one life that she wished she could have saved more than anything else.
All she can think about is the shell-shocked look on Tommy's face in that dismal hospital bed, clutching at an object he couldn't remember what was for. He was - had been - so young.
To die that way --
Her tears fall into an abandoned glass of red wine that she's been holding for an hour, just because she needs to feel something, anything, even if it's only the cool glass on her fingertips. The curtains are open, the night sky visible through the windows, the tiny pin-pricks of light twinkling in the darkness, outshone by the lights of the city below them.
If she wasn't already so miserable just the mere thought that the natural beauty of the stars could be outshone by artificial lighting might have driven her mad, but now she barely noticed it. Her mind was reeling from memories, thoughts, senses.
From feelings.
Tommy's voice when he spoke, gentle and soft, when he'd asked if she'd wondered whether humans were worth saving after all. She'd been so sure then, so steadfast in her resolve that despite the atrocities they visited upon themselves, they - the human race - deserved the right to try and save themselves.
Now she wasn't so sure.
One life had been sacrificed to save billions.
How was any of that fair?
Did it matter anymore?
Could she ever forget?
She never even knew anyone else was in her apartment until she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. Comforting, not trying to pry. Making sure that she was okay, and letting her know that someone cared. Someone knew that the price had been too high for her to carry the burden alone.
And when she was wrapped up in Jack's arms, she felt hot tears burn her cheeks anew.