walking on egg shells with procrastination
so life has been....like a roller coaster lately.
HOME: things are akward with me and "sibling". i feel bad because we used to be friends but im always afraid im stepping on her toes because the smallest things seem to bother her. and i cant fix it. ive tried and tried and weve talked for hours trying to figure it out. i've always wanted a family...and sometimes, just when i think i've found what one is, something happens that makes me feel detached and unwanted. the other day the fam went to do christmas pictures at the mall and i got scheduled to work (stupid manager scheduled me grr) so i took my break and hauled major butt to get over there and when i did the lady at the counter said i had missed them they left five minutes before. now this doesnt seem like a big deal, but i tried so hard to get there and it didnt work...i ended up sitting in my car balling my eyes out because i knew at that point no matter how hard i try i will never have a mom and dad or a "family" i can only guess on what one is like. gah.
SCHOOL: school is school. grades are a bitch to keep up because my senior-itis is majorly setting in. but w/e. my friends are juggling like mad. i dont feel i have a closeness to andrew anymore which hurts becuase i still have strong feelings for him but hes being a deusche with his new EGO and the fact he sits behind me at lunch, knowing im right behind him and talks about all the girls he likes...gah...it sucks.
LOVE LIFE: or lack there of...many opportunites but none seem to intice me. i dont think i want to get into this on the internet...its too complicated
THEATER: i feel like im useless right now in Eden because tim hasnt given me anything significant to do except paperwork...its frustrating to not be ON stage too. i miss acting...alot. sometimes i feel like i dont get cast because im not good enough or things are type cast, i havent gotten a good role in three years...whats wrong with me? am i rusty? am i falling apart as an actor... i dunno anymore. OH, and i think i will die if i dont get into festival...its my last year...i pray to something that will help me get in....gah
FRIENDS: hmmm thats a difficult one...there's really only a small group of people that im somewhat close with. i dont go over anyone's house...never invited or dont have time, and everyone is so busy with their own lives lately that things have been quite spacious...im sure it will get better once festival starts ::crosses figners::
hmm i guess those are the general categories....i dont want to get toooo mushy in here,,, its a little much but hey, whadcha gonna do 'boud it.
later gators
***~~~~~~~~LIZ~~~~~~~~***