another one i guess
so today was boring, not much different frm all my other days i guess. i went to skool at the crack of dawn. and yes i walked my ass to the third floor a million times today. not really out of the ordinary. the gurl that i think i really like wasnt at skool today, and thats when i relized i need more friends cus i walked around by myself :( i hate this "new kid" bullshit its gunna real old. but i guess there isnt a damn thing i can do. so w/e i guess. might as well just go with it. so yea my day was boring really. my debate teacher i guess really wants me to compete. and i mean i really would want to, but if i do i think ill have to quit one of my two "MARVELOUS" jobs. and idk if in the long run, i can really do that. i mean i knoe high school only comes once in a life time, but i mean i have a life time to work my ass. not a life time to go around the country and represent my skool with people i respect and no parents. u knoe. fuck if i knoe. i really need to get my life in order again. it feels like my life and priorities are all over the world rite now. and im so lost. i really need to start finding myself again cus its really getting to be rediculus and shit. i dont knoe why i cant like figure this out. i mean im never in positions like this where im lost and i feel like a fucking dear caught in the head lights. omg. i feel shity and like UGG i want to scream but i cant. and i have really nobody i can talk to about it cus i just dont like talking about somthing that seems like IMPOSSIBLE to fix. and im not asking for pitty or nething i just want my life back. everything i worked for my whole life is like gone. its done. yea ill have some of my real friends proly forever. but like just my life in general has been like competly taken away. its so gay thou cus even when i moved to san jose. i started getting a routine like with in idk like a month really.i always had ppl to chill with and here i dont. i mean wtf. all my family tells me the south broward was one of the greatest times in their life. and i find it soo hard to beleive that. all i do is walk to one boring class after another and its a million and a half degrees outside and the a million in the class rooms. i mean u might as well put a fucking bullet in my foot and laugh. shit. idk. and then all my jobs are so dumb. i hate kmart and the ppl there. i mean the customers really. the ppl i work with a few are really nice and i do like them. but then coldstone is just like it feels like a burden but i mean i like it there cus of the ppl i work with. i mean i could hang with ppl frm work that go to my skool except they have a differnt lunch period. so i mean fucking shit. idk. i feel so tired and lost and wretched and plain awful and idk if i even have the rite to feel like this. but i do. idk if im home sick or wut. but i do miss my home and my life. everything i worked to make and maintain was just like dunzo in a second. i just hope that god didnt bring me here only to get struck by lightening or for his own amusement. but maybe he brought me here for her. idk. i really dont knoe. im lost in a never fucking ending dark tunnel. when will i get out and see light again.