Damage Control - Dialogue Only
“John, I need you to do some damage control.
“Oh, God, what have you done?”
“I seem to have ingested a truth serum of a sort.”
“Why would you do that?”
“It was an experiment.”
“Of course it was. Who do I need to do damage control on?”
“Sally Donavan.”
“Oh jeez, what did you say to her?”
“I told her you think I have a nice cock.”
“What the hell did you tell her that for!?”
“Because it’s true.”
“No, it’s emphatically not.”
“John, I consumed truth serum. Everything I say is true.”
“What, you think I think you have a nice cock?”
“Yes. Obviously.”
“How did my partiality to your cock even come up?”
“She asked me what you see in me.”
“And you said your cock.”
“I only answer questions truthfully.”
“Ah. Why were you even thinking of your cock and me at the same time?”
“It’s fun.”
“…”
“…?”
“Why?”
“You’re sexy.”
“How so?”
“Your body, your smile, the way you lick your lips all of the time.”
“Righto.”
“I’m sorry about this John.”
“I have no doubt.”
-
“Sally said it was okay.”
“I doubt it.”
“No, she said she didn’t hold any grudges against me.”
“Sounds more like her.”
“I also assured her you don’t like my cock.”
“Righto.”
“So why did you take truth serum.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“You just accidentally poured it into your tea?”
“Actually yes.”
“You’re stupid sometimes, you know that?”
“Yes.”
“And you only answer direct questions truthfully.”
“Correct.”
“So if I was to state that you think I like your cock, you would say no?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because that was still a question.”
“Oh. You think I like your cock.”
“No I don’t.”
“So that’s how it works.”
“Apparently.”
“No need to get stroppy!”
“You weren’t the one telling his flatmate on the phone that he had a nice smile.”
“True.”
“Hmph.”
-
“So I could ask you anything right now and you would have to tell me the truth?”
“Correct.”
“So why do you hate Mycroft so much?”
“He spurned my advances.”
“For sex?”
“Correct.”
“Well I’m glad someone in your family has morals.”
“He doesn’t.”
“Why did you want to have sex with him?”
“I didn’t.”
“Oh. Why did you ask him, then?”
“Experiment.”
“He’s your arch nemesis because he turned down experimental sex with you?”
“Basically.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“…”
-
“Okay. Something embarrassing, now.”
“Because that wasn’t?”
“When was the first time you had sex?”
“I haven’t had sex.”
“You’re twenty-seven and you haven’t had sex?”
“Correct. No need to be judgemental.”
“…”
“…”
“First person you kissed?”
“Lestrade.”
“He’s your brother in law!”
“He was mine first!”
“Righto.”
“Hmph.”
“Who is the most attractive person in the world?”
“*muffled* you.”
“Uh…”
“*cough*”
-
“When was the last time you masturbated?”
“Three hours ago.”
“What prompted it?”
“… Jmpeh.”
“Sorry? Recall?”
“Jumper.”
“My jumper?”
“Yes. Obviously.”
-
“Do you want to have sex with me Sherlock?”
“Absolutely.”
“What would the details be?”
“Your cock in my ass, one would hope.”
“Anything else you can think of that you’d perhaps like to do?”
“Yes”
“*muffled” Mmmkay then.”