(no subject)
i came to a realization yesterday. most of my problems with relaitionships stem from drug use. i have a big secret. even when i said i wasn't i was still high. i had been eating painkillers like they were going out of fashion, when i eat painkillers, i have a tendency to get a little (alot) abrasive and i tend to argue. if i hurt you i'm sorry.
i have a substance abuse problem, big time. though now i seem to have that under control. i have lost alot of people i care about because of my bad habits and the fact that i'm to chicken shit to be honest about it.
in other news, i have been comletely clean from everything since the first of january. no more coke, no more e, no more pain killers. this is hard for me. i have to learn to readjust to reality.
it almost made me sad last night, thinking about the people i have hurt and pushed away because i'm to fucked up to deal with reality without drugs. almost. i then realized that if these people really cared they would have asked me about these things, its not like i have ever been stealthy, i may have made a scene but i would have come clean.
hahaha, clean...if thats not a joke, i don't know what is.
but then a beautiful single mother came and picked me up and dusted me off. somehow this story keeps getting weirder and weirder.
i have a substance abuse problem, big time. though now i seem to have that under control. i have lost alot of people i care about because of my bad habits and the fact that i'm to chicken shit to be honest about it.
in other news, i have been comletely clean from everything since the first of january. no more coke, no more e, no more pain killers. this is hard for me. i have to learn to readjust to reality.
it almost made me sad last night, thinking about the people i have hurt and pushed away because i'm to fucked up to deal with reality without drugs. almost. i then realized that if these people really cared they would have asked me about these things, its not like i have ever been stealthy, i may have made a scene but i would have come clean.
hahaha, clean...if thats not a joke, i don't know what is.
but then a beautiful single mother came and picked me up and dusted me off. somehow this story keeps getting weirder and weirder.