If I could tell you 8/?
Title: If I could tell you
Chapter: 8/?
Rating: M
Characters: Puck, Rachel, OC
Word Count: 3600
Summary: Puck and Rachel get another chance when unexpected events bring her to his doorstep years after graduation.
*****
Jen doesn't like her.
Rachel figures that out in the first five minutes of being in the woman's company and she's actually rather proud of the way she identifies the subtle jabs strewn throughout Jen's monologue because that kind of thing used to be difficult for her to parse out. Honestly, she's fine with it because she's years past being needing affirmation from virtual strangers and certainly she's years past realizing that hostility can easily be cloaked in sweet words and smiles.
Hmmm. At least she got something out of her 'friendship' with Quinn. (Quinn who came back to Lima once a year from Connecticut with her hedge-fund manager husband in tow and every single time insisted on taking she and Finn out to a dinner she must have known they couldn't afford at the only French restaurant in town.)
This might be horrible to say because she barely knows Jen, but the woman reminds her a lot of Quinn Fabray. They're the same physical type of course: tall, blonde and well put together in a way that usually makes her think she's got a smudge on her face. (Is it that Noah likes blondes? Or just bitches? Oh god. Pretend she didn't think that.) And of course there's the slightest hint of a nasal tone to both of their voices sets her teeth on edge. What? She can't help having perfect pitch.
Truthfully, she thinks as she fakes a polite smile and plans her exit strategy, whether it's her voice or the poorly concealed condescension, or something else entirely, she doesn't like Jen either.
*****
It's different waking up in her own apartment. Mostly different-wonderful she decides, firmly ignoring the underlying feeling that something is missing and taking her cup of tea to curl up in a chair overlooking the street. It's not eight yet, but even on a Sunday morning the delivery trucks are already starting to rumble past and the occasional runner or dog-walker zips by and the tiny market on the corner is bringing in bundles of newspapers and putting out displays of fruit and buckets of flowers.
It feels right and she tries out the word home for size, her lips curving into a smile around it. The mug warms her hands and with each sip she can feel a little bit more of the tension that's been keeping her continually on the move the last few months seep out of her bones. There's still more to do around the apartment and tomorrow morning she's bringing Connor to school for a tour of his classroom and of course she needs to get to work organizing her office (she has an office!) and writing lesson plans, but today maybe they can take it easy. She's already checked online and the local branch of the public library is open in the afternoon and as for this morning, Noah drove them both past a neighborhood playground yesterday. Connor had squealed in excitement and Noah had said that they could....
Never mind. Things are different now. (Again.) Jen is back and she's made it quite clear that...well, Rachel can take Connor to the park on her own, that's all.
"Hi, Mama," Connor's sleepy voice says from doorway, his face almost cut in half by a giant yawn.
"Hi sweetie," she smiles, holding out her arms for him. "How did you sleep?"
"Good," he says, crawling up into her lap and settling against her shoulder. "I like my big-boy bed."
"Mommy made that bed for you," she says with pride. (Ha! Take that instructions written in seventeen languages and incomprehensibly tiny tools!)
"Noah too," he argues, squirming in her arms, looking around. "Where did he go?"
Her throat tightens up a little bit. Maybe she should have predicted this. "Baby, Noah doesn't live here, he lives across town, remember?"
He scrunches up his face, obviously thinking about it. "Okay," he nods finally. She hugs him tight and just when she's starting to breathe normally again, he adds, "But when will he get here?"
"You like him, don't you?" she asks and when he bounces a little in excited agreement, she continues, speaking carefully because she needs him to understand this. "Sweetheart, Noah likes you too, but he's got work and he's got other friends and we're not going to be able to see him as much."
(Certainly not if Jen has anything to say about it.)
Connor giggles and pats her face. "Silly Mommy," he murmurs. He hops down and disappears down the hallway. "I'm hungry."
"You're always hungry," she teases, following him. "What should we make for breakfast this morning?"
"Waffles!" comes the small voice from the kitchen.
Of course.
*****
The two of them are just finishing up the breakfast dishes (Connor is happily 'washing' his cup and is up to his elbows in suds) when she hears an unexpected knock at the apartment door. She glances at the clock. Odd. Ray isn't supposed to be here for another few hours, but then she's already gotten the sense that conventional standards of time don't mean a lot to him. Wiping her hands on the dishcloth, she crosses the hall to the door and pulls it open.
"Ray, I think...."
"No, it's me." Instead of her slightly confused superintendent, Noah is leaning on the door frame, looking incredibly handsome (absolutely objective fact) in a button-down shirt and vest combination with a pair of blue-jeans that (dear lord) ride low on his hips. "Look, if this is a bad time...," he says quickly.
It takes a bit of effort to drag her eyes back up to his face and she's feeling flustered enough to blurt out the first thing she can think of. "Not at all...what are you...how did you get in here?"
"Ray's doing some painting downstairs," he replies, briefly scanning her cotton shorts and top and messy ponytail in a way that doesn't make coherent thought any easier. "He let us in."
"That's right. He told me that he was so inspired by painting my apartment that he was going to create a mural in the entry way."
He shakes his head disbelievingly. "A mural? Rach, he's just painting one big blue square."
The corners of her mouth quirks up. "That's probably why it's titled 'blue square'," she says dryly and then the rest of his earlier statement hits her. "Let us in? Is Jen here?"
He lets out a little huff of air. "Yeah, she's just finishing up a call. Some work stuff, I guess." He jerks his head towards the stairwell and leaning of the doorway she sees Jen at the end of the hall, wearing a beautifully cut sheath dress in a shade of pale green that Rachel adores but can't wear because it washes her out. Her phone is pressed to one ear and the acoustics must be unusually good because Rachel can hear her clearly.
"No, you'll need to drop the Columbia contract....Honestly Sandi, do I have to do everything for you? Simply tell Vincent that you're too busy to take it on, I've got a new project in the works for you. I'll fill you in later....Well, cancel that too, I need you on-call."
She ends the call and waves a perfectly manicured hand and Rachel wishes she had time to fix her hair or change into something that at minimum isn't stained, but of course they're both right there on the doorstep and Jen has already accepted her half-hearted invitation to come in.
"Jen, how...," surprising...slightly appalling...frankly a little shocking, "nice to see you again. What brings you here this morning?"
"We can't stay for long," the woman replies brightly, ignoring the question, "One of the senior partners at my firm is hosting a brunch, just a little impromptu gathering, but of course I keep telling Puck that every contact helps when you're in the entertainment industry like we are." Smiling fondly at him, she continues, "If only I could convince him into a tie and out of those old jeans."
That leads to such an inappropriate visual. She's got a get a grip on herself.
"This place is adorable!" Jen says as she glances around the small living room. "You're doing so much with the amount of space you have! But you really should think about moving to a building with a doorman. This neighborhood is a little on the sketchy side. And that strange man who let us in...he can't really be the building superintendent?"
She and Noah both speak at once: "Ray's been very helpful...." and, "Jen, the neighborhood is fine...." and then break off awkwardly.
Jen's smile falls away for an instant and then she moves to Noah's and wraps her arm around his (she's not jealous, she can't possibly be jealous of a simple gesture) and says, "I'm sure Rachel knows I'm just trying to be helpful. She's a single mother, sweetheart, not some bohemian college student or a starving musician, she has responsibilities. And speaking of that, where is our little friend?" Turning to Rachel she confides, "I just can't get over how adorable your Connor is with Puck. It's strange, I've never thought of Puck as being particularly good with children, but my goodness, watching the two of them together gives me all sorts of ideas!"
Her eyes widen and she flashes a glance at Noah and watches his face tighten for just an instant in a way she recognizes. Beth. Does Jen really not know? The fall of her senior year things with Shelby were constantly teetering between merely awkward and incredibly painful, so she'd only seen Noah and Beth together a handful of times, but even that limited access was more than enough to see how much the two of them adored each other.
"What?" Jen asks almost sharply. "You seem surprised."
"No," she replies quickly, blinking back an image of Beth's chubby little hands reaching for Noah and then her crow of delight when he blew a raspberry on her tummy. "I've...um...I've just seen him with his little sister, that's all. They've always been close." If she doesn't know, Rachel is certainly not going to be the one who tells her.
"Becca. We've met," Jen sniffs and Noah loses snorts and pinches his lips together to hold in a smile. Obviously, something went on there and suddenly she feels both a huge wave of affection for Becca and the urge to offer home-baked cookies for the whole story. Does Noah still like oatmeal-raisin best? Maybe she should mail a batch to Becca.
All at once, Connor barrels into the room at top speed. (Otherwise known as his only speed.)
"Hi! Noah! Hi!" he shouts, smearing Jen's dress liberally with soap-suds while he attaches himself to Noah's leg and then shrieks with laughter when the man swings him up and tickles him.
Jen on the other hand, is just shrieking.
Three minutes later, the two of them are crowded in the bathroom, dabbing at the dress with a damp wash cloth.
"You can send me the dry-cleaning bill," Rachel offers, battling an unworthy grin as she dabs at the fabric. Truthfully, Connor has probably done Jen and her 'ideas' a favor. Children and messes go hand in hand together and this is nothing compared to what Connor could do with access to finger-paints, or possibly a mud puddle.
And on that note, are they thinking about having children? (She does not in any way, shape or form want to think about them practicing. At all. Ever.) They've been together for more than a year now, so how serious are they? Serious like moving in? Serious like marriage? Not that it's any of her business.
Darn it, she's dabbing too hard.
"Never mind," Jen says coolly, pulling away. "I have a closet full of dresses and the firm pays for my dry-cleaning. That's not what I'm here for anyway." She reaches into her expensive-looking handbag and pulls out a well-thumbed paperback copy of Good Night Moon. "I found this in the spare bedroom and presumably it's yours." She smiles tightly. "We're both so busy and I would hate for you to have to make the trip all the way across town for nothing."
"How thoughtful," she replies, every bit as insincerely but before the whole thing devolves into name-calling, hair-pulling or any other ridiculous cliche there's a sharp knock on the door.
"You two okay in there?" Noah's voice cautiously sounds from the other side.
"Just fine!" the two of them chime in tandem response and there's a short almost-scuffle for the door handle which Jen wins. (Of course she does since the woman is in heels, while Rachel is wearing the bunny slippers that Burt helped Connor pick out for Mother's Day.)
He's standing directly outside, looking concerned, which is silly considering that she's got to be the least threatening of his ex-girlfriends. (Yes, it was only a week, but it still counts.) She'd like to see Jen say something snide to Quinn or Santana. And Lauren would probably sit on her and then apply a half-nelson or a full-nelson or whatever it was she did on the wrestling team.
He's not really looking at Jen, though. He's looking at her.
"Good, you got it back," he says, gesturing to the slim volume.
"Yes, thank you. It's one of Connor's favorites," she replies, smiling up at him.
"Yeah, I know." (Of course he does. Two nights ago, he sat on his couch with Connor tucked under his arm, reading it to him.) "On that note," Noah continues, "he's gone to his room to get his truck book."
She winces a little bit because the truck book has been on heavy rotation for a while and she's definitely ready for some new reading material. Perhaps they can branch out to boats or airplanes. "We're headed out to the playground this morning, but I'm planning a library trip for this afternoon."
"He'll like that," Noah says quietly. "I wish I could...."
But Jen has clearly had enough with not being the center of attention. "The library? Does he read by himself yet? I'm sure they must have books on tape if you're too busy to read to him yourself. And speaking of busy, we should be going." She latches on to Noah again while Rachel tries to stop gritting her teeth. "I was just telling Rachel what a crazy couple of weeks we have coming up, especially you!" Tilting her head at Rachel, she continues, "I'm sure he must have told you all about his big meeting with Jared tomorrow."
"Jared?" Rachel asks curiously.
Jen raises one eyebrow. "Jared Lofts? The New Rules? You must have heard of them, they were nominated for best new artist at the Grammys this year..."
She must have missed that. Sue her, she was a little busy filing for divorce.
"...which makes them the hottest thing on the label, and of course Puck signed them and is responsible for keeping them, or really Jared, happy. He must have been spending loads of time getting ready for it this week. At least that was the plan before I went to L.A.."
"No, he didn't say...," Rachel trails off unsurely.
Noah shrugs dismissively. "It's just a pre-production meeting. We're totally ready for it."
Jen stares at him in exaggerated horror. "Ready for it? For his first album he wanted a background vocals from a South African children's choir for one of the tracks. You spent the better part of a month arranging it. And you know better than anyone how easily he could be snapped up by a major label."
"It was an Ukrainian children's choir," Noah grunts. "And don't worry about Jared. I've got it covered."
"Oh course you do!" Jen says sweetly. "I understand how important your career is to you."
Naturally she does. Would it be rude to roll her eyes? Yes, definitely. Still, she can't help worrying....
Noah actually does roll his eyes only it's at her. "Stop panicking, Rachel. Like I said, it's all good."
Hmmph. She used to be a better actress than this. (Only not really with Noah, somehow.)
"But yeah," he continues, checking the time, "If we're not going to be late for this brunch crap, we've got to take off."
Jen looks like she doesn't know whether to be relived or irritated, but before she can comment either way, her phone rings and she checks the display with a heavy sigh. "I've got to take this. It's Bernie from contracts and you know he can't get anything done without me."
Noah nods absently. "You go ahead, I'll be down in a minute."
She doesn't look all that happy at the prospect of leaving the two of them alone together, even with Connor as chaperone, but apparently Bernie from contracts has enough pull for Jen to risk it, and after a squeeze of Noah's arm and an air-kiss and a sharp look directed at her, she disappears down the hallway.
With Jen gone, he's standing a bit closer, but still with that abstracted look, almost a frown, on his face, his hands digging into his pockets. "I'm sorry I just dropped in like that and you know, about everything. I tried to call first, but it went straight to voice-mail and Jen seemed to think...anyway, I wanted to make sure Connor got his book back."
She thanks him again, playing with the slightly frayed hem of her shirt.
"I need to talk to you about some stuff," he says quietly. "I just don't know when I'm going to be able to...."
"If it's about...." She interrupts, then stops, wets her lip nervously and enunciates carefully, "If it's about Beth, don't worry, I won't say anything to Jen about her. You don't even have to talk about it to me unless you want or need a friendly ear. It is kind of a big part of your past though." She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Mine too, what with Shelby and all. I've been in Lima for so long, where not only does everyone knows everything but they also feel absolutely no hesitation whatsoever in bringing it up whenever the mood strikes. I would imagine that a certain amount of anonymity must be an amazing relief and I wouldn't ruin that for you."
He scrubs one hand along his scalp. "Beth and Shelby? That's part of it, but there's...I've got to get some shit straightened out first. Can I call you sometime later this week? Maybe we can hit that playground again with Connor."
"Of course you can," she says, leaning towards him and putting her hand on his forearm. "I'd like that. We'd both like that."
"Say goodbye to him for me?" he asks and when she nods, he leans down and kisses her as her eyelids flutter closed, just a quick brush of his lips against hers.
It's gentle and almost weightless and for her anyway, there's absolutely nothing innocent about it. She can feel a low burn spreading heat along the surface of her skin and she has to clench her hands to stop herself from yanking him against her and going back for more.
Connor calls from his bedroom and they step back from each other and say a hurried goodbye and as Rachel goes through her very busy day, she tries to forget that there was a moment where she'd forgotten about Connor, forgotten about Jen, forgotten about everything but the fact that she was Rachel and he was Noah and she wanted him to press her up against the wall and make her moan out his name.
On the whole, she's not very successful with that.
Chapter 9