if I could tell you 5/?
Title: If I could tell you
Chapter: 5/?
Rating: PG-13 this chapter, M eventually
Characters: Puck, Rachel, OC
Word Count: 2700
Summary: Puck and Rachel get another chance when unexpected events bring her to his doorstep years after graduation.
*****
It takes him a long time to fall asleep that night because it's all a mess in his head: him and Rachel and Finn, and now Connor all tangled together in ways that his high-school self never could have predicted and when his mind finally drifts, he starts thinking about a hike he went on last year in the Santa Cruz mountains. He was with a group of friends and they were making good time on the trail when the trees opened up and there in front of them was this amazing panorama of hills and sky and water stretching out as far as he could see. He took a couple of steps forwards and one of the guys grabbed his arm and yanked him back and when he looked down his head started swimming because he had been standing right on the edge of a precipice.
This is like that.
*****
At first he can't seem to find Rachel anywhere as he wanders through the long, empty hallways and it's confusing as hell because somehow he's sure she's supposed to be around. And then it hits him, of course she's going to be in the chorus room. The familiar door appears in front of him and he pushes it open and she's there all right, he's watching Finn and Rachel kiss in slow-motion on the risers and shit, the band is actually playing 'My Heart Will Go On' in the background. He hates that fucking song.
Right. He's been here before, this is the end of junior year all over again. It still sucks. He's on his way out when Artie walks up behind him. "They aren't going to last you know," he says calmly, laying a hand on his shoulder.
Puck shrugs it off.
Later he's sitting on the bleachers and she slides into the row behind him. When he turns, she hands him a slushie and whispers, "I wasn't going to break up with you anyway" into his ear. When he kisses her, her lips are icy but sweet and by the time he figures out that she tastes like grape, she's gone.
He finds her again in the McKinley parking lot and slips his hand into hers while they watch Shelby and Beth walk away, just like they always do in this dream (and he's beginning to realize that's what this is as the edges start to waver and melt away). She squeezes his fingers and he drops a light kiss on top of her head, enjoying the smell of her shampoo, green apple mixed with...waffles? That's unusual but he doesn't have time to puzzle it out because there's a tug on his other hand and he looks down to find Connor staring at him hopefully.
"Wanna play?" the little boy asks, making race-car noises. Really loud race-car noises. He opens his eyes and blinks: the parking lot is gone but Connor is still there, running his red car along the edge of Puck's bed.
"Hey buddy," he says, his voice creaky with sleep. "Yeah, we can do that."
Connor squeaks and gives a happy little hop and except for the sandy hair he looks so goddamn much like Rachel that he can't do anything but smile and take the blue car that's thrust at him. They make a little mountain range with the extra pillow and take turns letting their cars rolls down the slope.
"Connor," Rachel calls quietly from the hallway, and the boy flashes him a guilty look. She steps in through the doorway and knits her brow together worriedly. "Sweetheart, I sent you to wash your hands before breakfast, not to wake up Noah."
His quick "Nah, he's okay, Rach," comes out at the same time as Connor's "Mommy, Noah wants to play!" and Rachel shakes her head good naturedly at the two of them.
"Hands now please, your waffles are almost done," she addresses her son and the boy trots out of the room.
"Waffles?" He throws the sheet off and stands up quickly, knowing that the look on his face is ridiculously hopeful.
"Um. Yes. I made...there's plenty," she says with a curious catch in her voice. Her cheeks are pink too and she's staring at him and he can't help the cocky grin that appears any more than he could change the color of his eyes.
Look, he's totally decent in a white undershirt and boxers, which face it, is two more pieces of clothing than he normally wears to bed. He learned his lesson on that one the last time Chang visited and got an eyeful when he got up for a glass of water in the middle of the night. But he's got way too much experience with women not to realize what's going on here and Rachel being hot for his body has always been one of his favorite things in the world. Just behind touching Rachel and kissing Rachel and he's totally taking a step forward and...fuck.
Somewhere towards the middle of senior year, about when things blew up with Shelby, he finally worked out that there's often a difference between what he wants and what's a good idea. Rachel's (unfortunately) on the same page because she gives him a nervous smile and runs back towards those waffles like her backside's on fire. Wrong place, wrong time, which is pretty much the story of his fucking life. (Hers too?)
And also there's Jen. He's got to stop forgetting about her. He should call her but she's bound to be in a meeting right now and besides, explaining Rachel and Connor's existence and current living situation will go better in person.
Probably.
Breakfast with Rachel is awkward at first and they do that dance again where he's reaching for something and she's trying to get out of his way. It's the syrup this time and there's a moment where he has to grit his teeth trying not to think of drizzling a sticky line along her skin and licking his way down but then Connor gets them both laughing when he starts singing to his waffle. They eat, make plans to knock a few more things off her list and he flat out tells her that he's cooking tonight (again, San Francisco, there's probably five kinds of veggie burgers available at the 7-11 alone) and things are more or less normal after that.
There's that little voice in his head reminding him that maybe they shouldn't have a normal, but fuck it.
*****
"Are you two good to go?" he calls out about half an hour later as he finishes sending out a few emails to Josh.
First they're swinging by the apartment so she can terrorize that asswipe, Ray (she can say she's not terrorizing him all she wants, he knows the kind of fear that Rachel Berry with an agenda can bring and as far as he's concerned, it's hilarious) and then they're going to try to find her some furniture. He may have spent his first three years in this town sleeping on a mattress on the floor, but he wants more for Rachel and Connor and a damn sofa and a bookshelf that's not made out of milk-crates is the least of it.
"Almost," she calls from the kitchen. "Have you seen Connor's other shoe...oh never mind, it's next to the door!" She pops her head into the living room with the little guy in tow. "Also, I need to try to reach Finn again. His phone must have been off earlier this morning and it's been a few days. I'm sure he must be concerned."
He shrugs a little stiffly and then mentally catching himself, tries to put some enthusiasm in his voice. "Sounds great! You should do that."
She stares. Yeah, too much.
They head into their bedroom to make the call and he's left staring at his computer screen still trying to wrap his head around it. The Finn he knew...shit, that Finn understands exactly what it's like to grow up without a dad around and it's not like Finn's father even had a choice. This is a lot more like his own fuck-up who took off chasing a fantasy that never amounted to anything beyond playing crappy covers in seedy bars.
That said, maybe he doesn't know Hudson as well as he thought he did. Hell, he never even knew that Finn cared about music that much and he was friends with him practically his whole life, right up until he derailed the hell out of that messing around with Quinn. And then Rachel. And then Rachel again really, because Finn might have been dumb enough to spend four years copying Brittany's math homework, but he sure as hell had an unwavering instinct for when someone had a thing for Rachel.
(What? Why would he even bother lying about it? He sure as hell made it obvious enough to every last one of the Gleeks with the possible exception of Rachel herself.)
But whatever their history was, it sure as hell didn't help things the last time he tried to interfere with Finn on Rachel's behalf.
*****
There's just no way.
That's what he keeps telling himself on the entire drive over to the garage. First of all it doesn't even make sense. She's like the most talented person ever and she works her ass off and when she sings she grabs every damn person in the audience and pulls them right along with her. It's impossible to see her and see her on a stage and not be in love with her for at least as long as the song lasts. (Or maybe longer.) So who the hell doesn't see all that and beg her to come to their stupid school?
As for the rest of it? Also impossible.
Impossible or not, he's there for some answers and he slams his truck door loud enough to rattle the entire frame and storms into Burt's garage, straight to the bay where Finn is working on an old Ford.
"Is it true?" he demands, not bothering with a hello.
"Is what true?" Finn asks but he's looking down at the wrench in his hand and you can damn well bet he knows what Puck is talking about.
"About Rachel. That she didn't get into NYADA."
Finn frowns. "Yeah, it's true. They said she had a lot of promise, but it was a competitive year or whatever. Probably that suspension on her record didn't help either. Who'd you hear it from?"
Please, a story like that? Take your pick, it's all over the damn school and while most of the his classmates probably couldn't tell you what the hell NYADA is, they're loving this. There's nothing this town enjoys more than seeing someone amazing take a fall.
"Mercedes is running her mouth." His fists clench and his jaw works and he can barely get the next words out. "She's also saying that Rachel is staying here next year, which is just fucking insane. But if she fell off the auditorium stage or something and lost her goddamned mind, I'm here to ask what you're going to do about it."
"It's Rachel's choice. She can reapply next year," Finn says defensively. "Besides, what exactly do you think I can do about it?"
"Anything! Tell her she has to go! She can get on the waitlist at Tisch. Fuck, she can go to Cincinnati for a year, they've got a decent musical theater program. But what she can't do is rot in Lima for a year doing community theater and open mic nights at Breadstix!"
"What the hell is it to you?" Finn's volume is starting to creep up match his own and the other guy working in the shop is looking at the two of them curiously. "Who are you to criticize her for not getting into college? As far as I know, you didn't even apply anywhere."
Damn right he didn't. He's not about to drop thousands of dollars that his mother doesn't have when he's got no idea what the hell he wants to do with his life, but that doesn't mean he's not going anywhere. There's a Greyhound bus ticket tucked away in the top drawer of his bureau and once he's got that diploma in his hand there's nothing to keep him here. Nothing he can have, anyway.
"This has got shit to do with me, Finn." And it's not about Finn either, he knows all about that OSU recruiter and the series of rejection letters with New York postmarks. "This is Rachel we're talking about. Fuck, out of all of us, she's the one who should be getting out of this place."
Finn takes an angry step forward. "Suddenly you're all about Rachel's future? You want to be the hero after the shit you pulled earlier this year with Shelby? Hell, I'm surprised Rachel can even look at you. Give it a rest, because honestly, it's none of your damn business."
His stomach sinks because Finn is...right. He sure as hell isn't the hero of this piece and as much as he wants it to be, this isn't his business. Shit, he and Rachel have only just started really talking again, not just that crap where she asks him to pass the sheet music over or readjust the microphone stand, and that's only because she came and found him drunk off his ass on the bleachers on Beth's second birthday. (He spent the entire day waiting for nothing. Not a line from Shelby, not a single photo of Beth blowing out the candles, and the present he'd sent in the mail came back marked 'return to sender.')
Apparently tears and Jack go a long way when you're trying to piece a friendship back together.
"If New York is in the cards, it'll happen," Finn continues stubbornly. "Now if you're done talking about crap that's got nothing to do with you, I've gotta get back to work."
And Burt's coming out of his office with that angry Papa Bear look on his face that tells him that he's heard the commotion, so he walks out before he gets thrown out. Whatever. He's got shit to do. Like figuring out how the fuck he's going to convince Rachel to get the hell out of Lima while she still can.
*****
"Noah, we're ready if you are." Rachel's soft voice snaps him out of it and he looks up at her, a smile automatically finding it's way to his face. Connor's already bouncing ahead and begging to be the one to push the buttons in the elevator and when they pass through the apartment door together, he offers her his arm and she takes it, small hand curling around his bicep comfortingly.
Chapter 6