an open letter to authors everywhere
Dear Author:
Hey, how are you? Feeling happy with your writing, maybe even a little smug? Good. Let’s talk for a second.
I want to read your fic, I really do. That’s why I’m in fandom, more or less - I like reading fic about people in bands and figure skaters and the characters from Inception, as well as a few dozen other fandoms. Actually, I would go so far as to say that I love to read fic, that it is, quite possibly, an obsession.
But here’s the thing: you make it really, really hard sometimes. I mean, I see your summary and I think, “Oh man, this looks AMAZING,” because you have all the tropes I want and possibly there’s the promise of porn. Maybe you even have great cover art, who knows? But if I click on the link and find that you have then added a handy little author’s note that says, “I know there are some errors, but I just wanted to get this posted, so ignore those lol”, let me tell you - I AM GOING TO BE PISSED.
You guys, come on! There is not so great a rush to get your fic posted that you can’t take the time to FIX THE ERRORS YOU ARE ALREADY AWARE OF. The internet is not going to crash before you get to post your awesome Brendon/Spencer domestic snippet, or that scene you wrote in which Johnny and Evan finally make out in closet somewhere. Or even the one about Arthur and Eames finally making out in a closet somewhere. I mean, I desperately want more of all those things, but I can wait for you to change that “we’re” to a “were” like it’s supposed to be. I’ll be terrible anxious the whole time, of course, practically on the edge of my seat, even, but I’ll survive. Fandom will still be around when you’re done, I promise.
Similarly, please at least proofread your fic. If you must post something that you don’t want to have beta’ed because it’s too short or you just can’t be bothered, at least read it through once yourself. Maybe even twice. Because if I at least know that you went through it a couple times on your own, I’m much more likely to forgive the small errors, because we all miss things. We’re human, I get that. But if you just didn’t even bother and it shows? Well, your fic is probably not going to be that easy to read, and, therefore, not that enjoyable to read. Which is what you want, isn’t it?
And honestly, as a beta, all I want to do is say, “SEND IT TO ME, I CAN HAVE IT DONE FOR YOU IN FIFTEEN MINUTES.” Fifteen minutes, seriously. For your 1000 words of fic? Yeah, that’s all it’d take. And I would probably only make small suggestions, fix those typos, tell you when it’s a bad idea to have one character call another character “babe,” etc. And then it would take you another ten minutes or so to fix those things. At most.
Really. It’s that simple. And you know what? I actually like beta reading. It’s not some huge drama for me to take those fifteen minutes out of my day and edit something for you. It even makes me feel wanted, like I have purpose, like I have been productive. It’s a good feeling. You’re probably thinking, “Well that’s great, you crazy sadistic person who likes attacking other people’s work with a (figurative) red pen. But I can’t always come to you for a beta, now can I?”
Very true. You can’t. Sometimes I actually write things myself. Sometimes I go to toga parties. So you might have to find other people on the internet who like to edit things. Who would be happy to help you with those typos and the occasional piece of purple prose. Guess what? There are lots of those people out there. I am not lying to you. I guarantee that if you post an entry asking for someone to beta something for you real quick, about five people will come forward. And if they don’t, and you can’t find anyone? Send it to me. I’ll get it done while I assemble my toga one-handed.
TRUST ME. This is for your own good.
Let’s talk about a few other things, while I’m here. Most of this has been discussed before, but I am suddenly seeing a lot of it (new fandom, I guess?) and it is driving me crazy.
1. Don’t spell your characters’ names incorrectly. Check imdb, check a primer, check freaking Wikipedia, I don’t care - but just check it, okay?
2. Don’t abuse pet names. UNLESS it is canon that your characters are sickeningly sweet and call each other studmuffin and honeybunch at every turn. If this has only happened once in canon, though - “You mustn’t be a afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.” - that does not automatically mean that those two characters use pet names with each other all the time. Okay? (And yeah, I’m looking at you, Inception fandom. We are already abusing that privilege. Yes. WE. I am including myself in that. Because I desperately want Eames to call Arthur “darling” every single chance he gets, but I can’t do that. Arthur wouldn’t appreciate it, for one, and for another, Eames wouldn’t be quite that obvious, come on!)
3. Don’t use epithets. Just don’t. (As in: “He looked over at the younger boy” or "The taller man walked in front.”) This is one of those things that I don’t really think is a matter of personal taste, because I have never read a fic or a story or even a novel that included epithets and thought they worked. Not once. And I have done a fair amount of reading. It’s just unnecessary.
I know you’re trying to be descriptive, because it gets boring just saying, “Arthur looked at Eames” and “Eames looked at Arthur” all the time. But you know what? We totally don’t care. We’re not reading the fic because we want to have to sit and think for a second which one is taller or younger, or because we need to be reminded that Eames is British or that someone has darker hair. It’s really not necessary. I just want to hear about how they’re gazing longingly at each other, and the easier that is to follow, the better.
4. Please learn the rules of direct dialogue. Sometimes people manage to write dialogue in a creative way - maybe they write in dialect, or they just italicize spoken lines - but that really only works in certain circumstances, and it has to be done right. It comes back to that whole idea of wanting things to be clear for your reader. I mean, I don’t mind if you’re actively trying to confuse me with plot points, because sometimes that’s a necessary part of the story (especially if you happen to be writing Inception fic, or another similarly mindfucky text) but if your dialogue is confusing it’s hard to get a sense for the characters and it’s hard to follow the story.
Here’s an example of my biggest pet peeve with direct dialogue:
“Hey Elena, I think you’re being a bit harsh.” My friend K said.
GUYS. Yes, that piece of dialogue on its own is a sentence. But this is how you write it:
“Hey Elena, I think you’re being a bit harsh,” my friend K said.
NOTE THE COMMA. AND THE LOWER CASE. Get it? Got it? Good.
Also, a new line of dialogue should be on its own line. WRONG WAY:
“Hey Elena, I think you’re being a bit harsh,” my friend K said. “Well, I think people deserve some tough love,” I responded. “Maybe it would be better if you didn’t abuse the caps quite so much,” said K, rolling her eyes. “It’s possible I’ve been spending too much time in ontd comms,” I said.
RIGHT WAY:
“Hey Elena, I think you’re being a bit harsh,” my friend K said.
“Well, I think people deserve some tough love,” I responded.
“Maybe it would be better if you didn’t abuse the caps quite so much,” said K, rolling her eyes.
“It’s possible I’ve been spending too much time in ontd comms,” I said.
And if you are having doubts about any of this, you know what you can do? ASK A BETA.
One last piece of advice to leave you with: do not be afraid to break out of fanon. You should stick to canon (unless you’re writing an AU, obviously) but don’t let fanon influence the way you write to the point that your story starts to sound a lot like so-and-so’s story, who was pretty heavily influenced by that-person-over-there. This goes for little things and big things. For example, if fandom decides that Arthur’s loaded die always lands on four (I promise that’s not a spoiler, people who have not yet seen the film) that doesn’t mean it’s actually right. Make it six, make it three, whatever.
Likewise, if fanon decides that someone is only ever going to be characterized one way - like Brendon Urie is only ever going to act like a hyperactive thirteen-year-old, or that Stéphane Lambiel is always going to be sunshine and rainbows - do not be afraid to break out of that mould. The characterizations come from somewhere, sure, but no one is ever that one-note. Be true to the canon of the character, but don’t feel like fandom can tell you how to see a character.
Sincerely,
Me
ETA: And two more things, while I'm at it:
a) Please, for the love of all things good and holy, have a layout that makes it easy to read fic. As someone pointed out in the comments, pink on green or some other colourful combination is just painful, and we're not going to stick around past the first paragraph. I can pretty much guarantee it. Also - white on black. Maybe this is just me, but it kills my eyes. Remember: make it easy for your readers!
b) If your characters go from hating each other or just being acquaintances to saying, "I love you" with deep, heartfelt passion in the course of three scenes, I'm not going to buy it. Yes, sometimes it's a natural point to come to, and sometimes dramatic confessions are necessary. But please do not feel like the only way to end a fic in which the pairing is central to the plot is to have them declare their love with huge amounts of fanfare, or even just intimate crying. Please. I want those words to resonate, I want to feel it, I want my cold heart to melt a little, okay? That's not going to happen if you're pulling a Hollywood and turning your otherwise realistic fic into a cliche.
Hey, how are you? Feeling happy with your writing, maybe even a little smug? Good. Let’s talk for a second.
I want to read your fic, I really do. That’s why I’m in fandom, more or less - I like reading fic about people in bands and figure skaters and the characters from Inception, as well as a few dozen other fandoms. Actually, I would go so far as to say that I love to read fic, that it is, quite possibly, an obsession.
But here’s the thing: you make it really, really hard sometimes. I mean, I see your summary and I think, “Oh man, this looks AMAZING,” because you have all the tropes I want and possibly there’s the promise of porn. Maybe you even have great cover art, who knows? But if I click on the link and find that you have then added a handy little author’s note that says, “I know there are some errors, but I just wanted to get this posted, so ignore those lol”, let me tell you - I AM GOING TO BE PISSED.
You guys, come on! There is not so great a rush to get your fic posted that you can’t take the time to FIX THE ERRORS YOU ARE ALREADY AWARE OF. The internet is not going to crash before you get to post your awesome Brendon/Spencer domestic snippet, or that scene you wrote in which Johnny and Evan finally make out in closet somewhere. Or even the one about Arthur and Eames finally making out in a closet somewhere. I mean, I desperately want more of all those things, but I can wait for you to change that “we’re” to a “were” like it’s supposed to be. I’ll be terrible anxious the whole time, of course, practically on the edge of my seat, even, but I’ll survive. Fandom will still be around when you’re done, I promise.
Similarly, please at least proofread your fic. If you must post something that you don’t want to have beta’ed because it’s too short or you just can’t be bothered, at least read it through once yourself. Maybe even twice. Because if I at least know that you went through it a couple times on your own, I’m much more likely to forgive the small errors, because we all miss things. We’re human, I get that. But if you just didn’t even bother and it shows? Well, your fic is probably not going to be that easy to read, and, therefore, not that enjoyable to read. Which is what you want, isn’t it?
And honestly, as a beta, all I want to do is say, “SEND IT TO ME, I CAN HAVE IT DONE FOR YOU IN FIFTEEN MINUTES.” Fifteen minutes, seriously. For your 1000 words of fic? Yeah, that’s all it’d take. And I would probably only make small suggestions, fix those typos, tell you when it’s a bad idea to have one character call another character “babe,” etc. And then it would take you another ten minutes or so to fix those things. At most.
Really. It’s that simple. And you know what? I actually like beta reading. It’s not some huge drama for me to take those fifteen minutes out of my day and edit something for you. It even makes me feel wanted, like I have purpose, like I have been productive. It’s a good feeling. You’re probably thinking, “Well that’s great, you crazy sadistic person who likes attacking other people’s work with a (figurative) red pen. But I can’t always come to you for a beta, now can I?”
Very true. You can’t. Sometimes I actually write things myself. Sometimes I go to toga parties. So you might have to find other people on the internet who like to edit things. Who would be happy to help you with those typos and the occasional piece of purple prose. Guess what? There are lots of those people out there. I am not lying to you. I guarantee that if you post an entry asking for someone to beta something for you real quick, about five people will come forward. And if they don’t, and you can’t find anyone? Send it to me. I’ll get it done while I assemble my toga one-handed.
TRUST ME. This is for your own good.
Let’s talk about a few other things, while I’m here. Most of this has been discussed before, but I am suddenly seeing a lot of it (new fandom, I guess?) and it is driving me crazy.
1. Don’t spell your characters’ names incorrectly. Check imdb, check a primer, check freaking Wikipedia, I don’t care - but just check it, okay?
2. Don’t abuse pet names. UNLESS it is canon that your characters are sickeningly sweet and call each other studmuffin and honeybunch at every turn. If this has only happened once in canon, though - “You mustn’t be a afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.” - that does not automatically mean that those two characters use pet names with each other all the time. Okay? (And yeah, I’m looking at you, Inception fandom. We are already abusing that privilege. Yes. WE. I am including myself in that. Because I desperately want Eames to call Arthur “darling” every single chance he gets, but I can’t do that. Arthur wouldn’t appreciate it, for one, and for another, Eames wouldn’t be quite that obvious, come on!)
3. Don’t use epithets. Just don’t. (As in: “He looked over at the younger boy” or "The taller man walked in front.”) This is one of those things that I don’t really think is a matter of personal taste, because I have never read a fic or a story or even a novel that included epithets and thought they worked. Not once. And I have done a fair amount of reading. It’s just unnecessary.
I know you’re trying to be descriptive, because it gets boring just saying, “Arthur looked at Eames” and “Eames looked at Arthur” all the time. But you know what? We totally don’t care. We’re not reading the fic because we want to have to sit and think for a second which one is taller or younger, or because we need to be reminded that Eames is British or that someone has darker hair. It’s really not necessary. I just want to hear about how they’re gazing longingly at each other, and the easier that is to follow, the better.
4. Please learn the rules of direct dialogue. Sometimes people manage to write dialogue in a creative way - maybe they write in dialect, or they just italicize spoken lines - but that really only works in certain circumstances, and it has to be done right. It comes back to that whole idea of wanting things to be clear for your reader. I mean, I don’t mind if you’re actively trying to confuse me with plot points, because sometimes that’s a necessary part of the story (especially if you happen to be writing Inception fic, or another similarly mindfucky text) but if your dialogue is confusing it’s hard to get a sense for the characters and it’s hard to follow the story.
Here’s an example of my biggest pet peeve with direct dialogue:
“Hey Elena, I think you’re being a bit harsh.” My friend K said.
GUYS. Yes, that piece of dialogue on its own is a sentence. But this is how you write it:
“Hey Elena, I think you’re being a bit harsh,” my friend K said.
NOTE THE COMMA. AND THE LOWER CASE. Get it? Got it? Good.
Also, a new line of dialogue should be on its own line. WRONG WAY:
“Hey Elena, I think you’re being a bit harsh,” my friend K said. “Well, I think people deserve some tough love,” I responded. “Maybe it would be better if you didn’t abuse the caps quite so much,” said K, rolling her eyes. “It’s possible I’ve been spending too much time in ontd comms,” I said.
RIGHT WAY:
“Hey Elena, I think you’re being a bit harsh,” my friend K said.
“Well, I think people deserve some tough love,” I responded.
“Maybe it would be better if you didn’t abuse the caps quite so much,” said K, rolling her eyes.
“It’s possible I’ve been spending too much time in ontd comms,” I said.
And if you are having doubts about any of this, you know what you can do? ASK A BETA.
One last piece of advice to leave you with: do not be afraid to break out of fanon. You should stick to canon (unless you’re writing an AU, obviously) but don’t let fanon influence the way you write to the point that your story starts to sound a lot like so-and-so’s story, who was pretty heavily influenced by that-person-over-there. This goes for little things and big things. For example, if fandom decides that Arthur’s loaded die always lands on four (I promise that’s not a spoiler, people who have not yet seen the film) that doesn’t mean it’s actually right. Make it six, make it three, whatever.
Likewise, if fanon decides that someone is only ever going to be characterized one way - like Brendon Urie is only ever going to act like a hyperactive thirteen-year-old, or that Stéphane Lambiel is always going to be sunshine and rainbows - do not be afraid to break out of that mould. The characterizations come from somewhere, sure, but no one is ever that one-note. Be true to the canon of the character, but don’t feel like fandom can tell you how to see a character.
Sincerely,
Me
ETA: And two more things, while I'm at it:
a) Please, for the love of all things good and holy, have a layout that makes it easy to read fic. As someone pointed out in the comments, pink on green or some other colourful combination is just painful, and we're not going to stick around past the first paragraph. I can pretty much guarantee it. Also - white on black. Maybe this is just me, but it kills my eyes. Remember: make it easy for your readers!
b) If your characters go from hating each other or just being acquaintances to saying, "I love you" with deep, heartfelt passion in the course of three scenes, I'm not going to buy it. Yes, sometimes it's a natural point to come to, and sometimes dramatic confessions are necessary. But please do not feel like the only way to end a fic in which the pairing is central to the plot is to have them declare their love with huge amounts of fanfare, or even just intimate crying. Please. I want those words to resonate, I want to feel it, I want my cold heart to melt a little, okay? That's not going to happen if you're pulling a Hollywood and turning your otherwise realistic fic into a cliche.