(no subject)
Last night's entry was done in a fit of wanting to update but not really having anything to say. Not that I'm not incredibly happy. I am. But normally, that would not be the only thing I have to say.
So, for an update...
I've been busy this morning looking for Dane Cook's "Harmful If Swallowed" DVD. All I'm finding is a CD/DVD set--a CD of his "Harmful If Swallowed" Tour and a DVD of some of his Comedy Central appearances. Is that all I'm going to find?? I'm also considering ordering "Retaliation," just for good measure. Tim's never seen any Dane Cook and I'm determined to introduce him ASAP. So someone needs to let me know where I can get some Dane Cook, before I go insane.
On another note, I've taken the stupid-incidents-with-my-car tally up to a whole new level. Prior to a few days ago, the stupidest thing I had done with the Grand Am was lock my keys in the car...in the ignition...with the car running. Granted, that's pretty stupid but the other day, I topped myself. All I will say is that my car was parked nose-down in a ditch on M-15 overnight. No damage was done, except that suffered by my ego. I guess I have to thank Tim for not laughing his ass off at me and for taking care of the towing and what not. I don't know what I would have done without him...other than cry more than I did. Needless to say, I will not be backing out of his driveway any longer without extreme caution and perhaps the presence of a wench.
I'm sitting here watching my sister mow the lawn. A skinny little girl on a riding mower. It's kind of like a chariacture. I'm gonna try to fly under the radar today so that I don't have to help with yardwork.
I'm about to write some pretty heavy stuff so I fully expect most to ignore it.
Today doesn't really feel different than any other day. It really just feels like a normal Sunday. I'm being lazy, still in my pajamas at 2 pm, and I don't really have any big plans.
But I know that everyone else is out celebrating the day with their fathers. Giving them gifts and words of appreciation for everything that a dad does on a day-to-day basis.
And for once, I miss that.
I haven't done it in 4 years.
And for once, it hurts.
I woke up this morning and the first thing I saw was a picture of me and my dad. It was sitting on my bedside table. I was four. We were both smiling. He looked healthy and happy. I looked innocent. It brought back memories of when I thought that my dad could fix my world, mostly because my biggest problems were scraped knees and flat bicycle tires. It brought back good memories that I had no idea would be so few and far between for the rest of my life. And it seemed to erase any of the bad memories that had taken over the last few years of his life.
Today, I refuse to remember the bad, no matter how much it hurts to remember the good. I know it's weird to say that it hurts to remember the good--but when it makes you miss someone, good memories are not always the easiest. Remembering the bad, though, to ease the sting, does not seem appropriate for Father's Day.
So for my Dad, regardless of the fact that he can't know this--
I love you.
I miss you.
I wish you were here.
I wish things could have been better.
And I wish that I could have just one more hug.
Because no matter what was going on between us or how I felt about him, his hugs always made me feel better.
That's one thing about having a dad that I will never get over being without.
There's that.
Anyway.
Later, kids.
♥
Rach
So, for an update...
I've been busy this morning looking for Dane Cook's "Harmful If Swallowed" DVD. All I'm finding is a CD/DVD set--a CD of his "Harmful If Swallowed" Tour and a DVD of some of his Comedy Central appearances. Is that all I'm going to find?? I'm also considering ordering "Retaliation," just for good measure. Tim's never seen any Dane Cook and I'm determined to introduce him ASAP. So someone needs to let me know where I can get some Dane Cook, before I go insane.
On another note, I've taken the stupid-incidents-with-my-car tally up to a whole new level. Prior to a few days ago, the stupidest thing I had done with the Grand Am was lock my keys in the car...in the ignition...with the car running. Granted, that's pretty stupid but the other day, I topped myself. All I will say is that my car was parked nose-down in a ditch on M-15 overnight. No damage was done, except that suffered by my ego. I guess I have to thank Tim for not laughing his ass off at me and for taking care of the towing and what not. I don't know what I would have done without him...other than cry more than I did. Needless to say, I will not be backing out of his driveway any longer without extreme caution and perhaps the presence of a wench.
I'm sitting here watching my sister mow the lawn. A skinny little girl on a riding mower. It's kind of like a chariacture. I'm gonna try to fly under the radar today so that I don't have to help with yardwork.
I'm about to write some pretty heavy stuff so I fully expect most to ignore it.
Today doesn't really feel different than any other day. It really just feels like a normal Sunday. I'm being lazy, still in my pajamas at 2 pm, and I don't really have any big plans.
But I know that everyone else is out celebrating the day with their fathers. Giving them gifts and words of appreciation for everything that a dad does on a day-to-day basis.
And for once, I miss that.
I haven't done it in 4 years.
And for once, it hurts.
I woke up this morning and the first thing I saw was a picture of me and my dad. It was sitting on my bedside table. I was four. We were both smiling. He looked healthy and happy. I looked innocent. It brought back memories of when I thought that my dad could fix my world, mostly because my biggest problems were scraped knees and flat bicycle tires. It brought back good memories that I had no idea would be so few and far between for the rest of my life. And it seemed to erase any of the bad memories that had taken over the last few years of his life.
Today, I refuse to remember the bad, no matter how much it hurts to remember the good. I know it's weird to say that it hurts to remember the good--but when it makes you miss someone, good memories are not always the easiest. Remembering the bad, though, to ease the sting, does not seem appropriate for Father's Day.
So for my Dad, regardless of the fact that he can't know this--
I love you.
I miss you.
I wish you were here.
I wish things could have been better.
And I wish that I could have just one more hug.
Because no matter what was going on between us or how I felt about him, his hugs always made me feel better.
That's one thing about having a dad that I will never get over being without.
There's that.
Anyway.
Later, kids.
♥
Rach