A friend in need's a friend indeed; a friend who bleeds is better.
This weekend was my family's traditional Memorial Day trip to the Deceptively Modest House In The Hamptons owned by my grandmother (who, thankfully, wasn't there). There is a frigid North Atlantic beach, and various water vessels. I basically spent the whole time learning Perl for my job (sidenote: Perl - awesome language). I did, however, come away with a fair amount of solar grilling due to my stupidity badassness in not applying sunscreen. I had the pleasure of hearing an old man shouting the following into his cell phone:
Old man: MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, I'M SHOUTING SO YOU'LL HEAR THIS MESSAGE! MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE (etc., for literally about 3 minutes)
Old man: (screaming) MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE
Extended techno remix is forthcoming. Oh, crazy old men. I would love to recieve that message.
So yesterday I started work. Well, I went in for 2 hours (2.5 if you consult my time sheet, my boss is quite generous with rounding). Got set up, learned what I'd be doing, promptly forgot same, you know. Standard stuff. I will probably fail miserably at this job, since I'm already not exactly sure what to do or how everything works, but hey. I'm pretty lucky in general (lucky in life, unlucky in love, as they say), so I'll probably be able to bullshit my way through well enough. Probably bring down the company in the process, but that'll be after I'm gone, so what do I care? I leave a trail of ruined companies in my path.
In less than a week, I fulfill my destiny as the Antichrist (dude, I'm going to get TOTALLY WASTED!!!!). In honor of the anniversary of my spawning from the bowels of Hell, there is a documentary of my childhood coming out. Hail Satan.
Old man: MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, I'M SHOUTING SO YOU'LL HEAR THIS MESSAGE! MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE (etc., for literally about 3 minutes)
Old man: (screaming) MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE
Extended techno remix is forthcoming. Oh, crazy old men. I would love to recieve that message.
So yesterday I started work. Well, I went in for 2 hours (2.5 if you consult my time sheet, my boss is quite generous with rounding). Got set up, learned what I'd be doing, promptly forgot same, you know. Standard stuff. I will probably fail miserably at this job, since I'm already not exactly sure what to do or how everything works, but hey. I'm pretty lucky in general (lucky in life, unlucky in love, as they say), so I'll probably be able to bullshit my way through well enough. Probably bring down the company in the process, but that'll be after I'm gone, so what do I care? I leave a trail of ruined companies in my path.
In less than a week, I fulfill my destiny as the Antichrist (dude, I'm going to get TOTALLY WASTED!!!!). In honor of the anniversary of my spawning from the bowels of Hell, there is a documentary of my childhood coming out. Hail Satan.