...you're the only truth I know, you're the road back home.
Erin told me that I suck even more than her when it comes to updating this here LJ and I can't live with that, so I'm updating.
Good news first: Erin's dad seems to enjoy spoiling the hell out of his daughter and myself, which can only mean one thing... we're going to New York. On the 19th of November, Erin & I will be heading off to NYC to see See What I Want to See with the lovely Idina Menzel and then a evening show of Wicked. You are jealous of us, don't lie. Hell, I'm jealous of us and I'm even going. Plus, it's a Saturday... which means gig opportunities around 11pm. Our bus doesn't leave NY until the wee hours of the morning, so we've got time to kill. A Caplan, Shields or Kobak (OR ALL THREE.) gig would serve to top-off an already amazing day. I'm quite excited. It gives me something to look forward to, that's for sure.
Bad, or at least not fun, news: For some reason, leaving yesterday was so much harder than leaving the first weekend I came home. I haven't cried about being away from home since the Friday my parents left in August. Once we left Katie's house, we were both in tears. Not for long, but long enough for it to hurt. I don't hate it here, it's just... it serves to make me completely indifferent to everything. I really haven't been able to distinguish any daily emotion since I've been here. If anything, it's usually me just being tired and lacking any real ambition. It just makes me think "Am I EVER going to be okay living on my own?" I know I'm an independent person and really, being alone doesn't bother me, but I guess in some situations there's a difference between being alone and loneliness. I have friends here. The friends I have, I love. They're the people who are getting me through. I miss them when I go home and at least I know that when I come back here, I can see them. Still, I have the worst time leaving. I want to stay with my parents, my brother and Erin, where I'm comfortable and know I'm loved the most. It's annoying, actually. I was so excited to leave home and go to college and now? I just want to get the hell out of here. I can deal with it, but I don't like it. What's more annoying is that this gives people an excellent opportunity to say "I told you so." I have a problem with being proven wrong in the first place, but I think at this point... hearing that would just cause me to be incredibly angry and most likely really hurt. So... if I happen to be talking to you about transferring/how I feel about being here, just listening would be nice. I don't need advice. I've got my mind pretty well set on what I want to do by the end of the year, but hey, support is always an added bonus. I just keep counting on the fact that something good has to happen soon. I'd make it happen for myself, but I have no idea how to go about doing that. I've never had the luck of some people where good things just fall into their lap, so I think it's only fair to say that I deserve something like that just to show up.
I'm not depressed or crying over the issue. The tolerable/good days override the bad. I can just as easily go through the motions as anyone else. I'm fine. I just felt like shedding light on the situation. It's a journal. That's what I'm supposed to do.
Anyway, the rash from my medication spread through my arms and my feet. Last night in the Jeep with Katie, my feet were pretty much on fire, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it, so I was good and didn't complain. Once I got back here and took off my sneakers and socks, the rash was inflamed and itched like crazy. I tried my best to ignore it, of course. So I stopped taking the medicine, even though it actually works and got anti-itch cream. I guess I'll just have to wait 'til November for my MRI. Awesome. I also made the mistake of taking my headache pills on a partially empty stomach. Not the brightest idea, I know. That was a good hour of feeling pretty fuckin' dizzy, that's for sure.
Good news first: Erin's dad seems to enjoy spoiling the hell out of his daughter and myself, which can only mean one thing... we're going to New York. On the 19th of November, Erin & I will be heading off to NYC to see See What I Want to See with the lovely Idina Menzel and then a evening show of Wicked. You are jealous of us, don't lie. Hell, I'm jealous of us and I'm even going. Plus, it's a Saturday... which means gig opportunities around 11pm. Our bus doesn't leave NY until the wee hours of the morning, so we've got time to kill. A Caplan, Shields or Kobak (OR ALL THREE.) gig would serve to top-off an already amazing day. I'm quite excited. It gives me something to look forward to, that's for sure.
Bad, or at least not fun, news: For some reason, leaving yesterday was so much harder than leaving the first weekend I came home. I haven't cried about being away from home since the Friday my parents left in August. Once we left Katie's house, we were both in tears. Not for long, but long enough for it to hurt. I don't hate it here, it's just... it serves to make me completely indifferent to everything. I really haven't been able to distinguish any daily emotion since I've been here. If anything, it's usually me just being tired and lacking any real ambition. It just makes me think "Am I EVER going to be okay living on my own?" I know I'm an independent person and really, being alone doesn't bother me, but I guess in some situations there's a difference between being alone and loneliness. I have friends here. The friends I have, I love. They're the people who are getting me through. I miss them when I go home and at least I know that when I come back here, I can see them. Still, I have the worst time leaving. I want to stay with my parents, my brother and Erin, where I'm comfortable and know I'm loved the most. It's annoying, actually. I was so excited to leave home and go to college and now? I just want to get the hell out of here. I can deal with it, but I don't like it. What's more annoying is that this gives people an excellent opportunity to say "I told you so." I have a problem with being proven wrong in the first place, but I think at this point... hearing that would just cause me to be incredibly angry and most likely really hurt. So... if I happen to be talking to you about transferring/how I feel about being here, just listening would be nice. I don't need advice. I've got my mind pretty well set on what I want to do by the end of the year, but hey, support is always an added bonus. I just keep counting on the fact that something good has to happen soon. I'd make it happen for myself, but I have no idea how to go about doing that. I've never had the luck of some people where good things just fall into their lap, so I think it's only fair to say that I deserve something like that just to show up.
I'm not depressed or crying over the issue. The tolerable/good days override the bad. I can just as easily go through the motions as anyone else. I'm fine. I just felt like shedding light on the situation. It's a journal. That's what I'm supposed to do.
Anyway, the rash from my medication spread through my arms and my feet. Last night in the Jeep with Katie, my feet were pretty much on fire, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it, so I was good and didn't complain. Once I got back here and took off my sneakers and socks, the rash was inflamed and itched like crazy. I tried my best to ignore it, of course. So I stopped taking the medicine, even though it actually works and got anti-itch cream. I guess I'll just have to wait 'til November for my MRI. Awesome. I also made the mistake of taking my headache pills on a partially empty stomach. Not the brightest idea, I know. That was a good hour of feeling pretty fuckin' dizzy, that's for sure.