Perfectly Safe (9/?)
Title: Perfectly Safe
Fandom: H2G2
Character/s: The whole sort of general mishmash.
Arthur/Fenchurch later on, and eventually
Random/Mown for the crack pairing lulz.
Word Count: 300 / (projected) 50,000
Rating: Whatever the film was rated. PG, was it? Something like that.
Summary: Earth has been demolished, but there are still a few kinks to be worked out.
Notes: Follows all continuities, and none of them at the same time (much like the series itself). On the whole, it ignores And Another Thing..., though that did provide a few good gags that I’ve thrown into a combine harvester and recycled into sort of flat-pack bits and pieces. Directly follows the events of Mostly Harmless.
Two chapters today, because the first one would have been mean to post on its own. Chapter 9 was supposed to tie into... something. It was about four in the morning when I started writing it, and by the time I got toward the end, I'd totally forgotten why I started writing that bit, and couldn't find it in my notes anywhere. But it was funny, so I kept it in anyway.
Chapter 9
It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was the dominant life form, what with accomplishments such as nuclear war and a gun that had been designed to shoot around corners. The dominant species on the planet had actually been the laughably erroneously named domesticated house cat (why man ever thought he could achieve something as impossible as domesticating a cat is anyone’s guess).
The skill with which the Fayleess Cahtoos had managed to blend into Earth society is one that has yet to be matched by even the most skilled hitchhiker.
When their home planet had been ravaged during a centuries-long war, and the whole ecological system was on the verge of total and complete collapse as a result, the entire Fayleess Cahtoos race made the decision to locate a new planet, preferably one where the native population were small, furry, and easy to catch. Using a neat little trick they had learned from the Babel Fish, in exchange for a non-fishing treaty, the Fayleess Cahtoos managed to shift their entire population to a new planet.
The one they found did have plenty of small, furry, and easy to catch rodents, but it also had large, hairless pink apes which, after much hard work and determination, had become domesticated and trained to make sure there was plenty of tuna, milk, and small furry things in a reasonable vicinity, thus allowing for plenty of time to take long naps right on top of the laundry which has just been pulled out of the tumble dryer.
There was a point to this inclusion, but it has completely escaped the chronicler.
Fandom: H2G2
Character/s: The whole sort of general mishmash.
Arthur/Fenchurch later on, and eventually
Random/Mown for the crack pairing lulz.
Word Count: 300 / (projected) 50,000
Rating: Whatever the film was rated. PG, was it? Something like that.
Summary: Earth has been demolished, but there are still a few kinks to be worked out.
Notes: Follows all continuities, and none of them at the same time (much like the series itself). On the whole, it ignores And Another Thing..., though that did provide a few good gags that I’ve thrown into a combine harvester and recycled into sort of flat-pack bits and pieces. Directly follows the events of Mostly Harmless.
Two chapters today, because the first one would have been mean to post on its own. Chapter 9 was supposed to tie into... something. It was about four in the morning when I started writing it, and by the time I got toward the end, I'd totally forgotten why I started writing that bit, and couldn't find it in my notes anywhere. But it was funny, so I kept it in anyway.
Chapter 9
It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was the dominant life form, what with accomplishments such as nuclear war and a gun that had been designed to shoot around corners. The dominant species on the planet had actually been the laughably erroneously named domesticated house cat (why man ever thought he could achieve something as impossible as domesticating a cat is anyone’s guess).
The skill with which the Fayleess Cahtoos had managed to blend into Earth society is one that has yet to be matched by even the most skilled hitchhiker.
When their home planet had been ravaged during a centuries-long war, and the whole ecological system was on the verge of total and complete collapse as a result, the entire Fayleess Cahtoos race made the decision to locate a new planet, preferably one where the native population were small, furry, and easy to catch. Using a neat little trick they had learned from the Babel Fish, in exchange for a non-fishing treaty, the Fayleess Cahtoos managed to shift their entire population to a new planet.
The one they found did have plenty of small, furry, and easy to catch rodents, but it also had large, hairless pink apes which, after much hard work and determination, had become domesticated and trained to make sure there was plenty of tuna, milk, and small furry things in a reasonable vicinity, thus allowing for plenty of time to take long naps right on top of the laundry which has just been pulled out of the tumble dryer.
There was a point to this inclusion, but it has completely escaped the chronicler.