One of those days..... already
Its just one of those days already. Im in a bummy mood with not so much reasons to be so. Its sunny out, the Eagles are gonna play in 2 hours, and I get a week of nothing but my Sisters starting tomarrow. But still there are things in my mind that are just so disheartening. First things first, I just got done writing a letter to the Triangle -drexels school newspaper. In it, they reffered to Philadelphia as an urban hellhole. Of course I was pissed. Dont get me started but you whiney fuc*in Pleasantville kids need to go the hell home!! Or at least go past Spring Garden on the El and walk around Northeast "full of working class, grassy lawns and Eagles banners." THeyre so unappreciative and Id like to strangle the person who wrote that. Really.
Then since im bored at the desk, I decided to be that girl. You know, that girl who clicks info for screen names on her buddy list. One caught my eye. My best friend from 4th grade that I havent really talked in in forever. It stuck out in my head so much because she had a line in there dedicated to a friend who passed away a little less than a month ago. But wait, that friend was the same that someone else I know has been talking about for some time. Apparently, two people I know, who Id never think knew eachother, knew this young man who has unfortunately left this world. It makes me feel some type of way, even though I dont know this young man, who is apparently an Angel to a lot of people our age right now. All respect goes out to that one.
Lastly, there's everything else. Parts of my life that are significant are now causing uneasiness. I havent been happy with one part of my life and the only thing left to do would be to get it out of my life. But its just not that easy. There's so much more there. I fell too fast and too soon. Maybe Im just being selfish. I was spoiled my whole life into thinking that I was a princess who deserved the best. But now i dont feel like im being given the best. I get promiced it all the time, but its been the same empty promice over and over again. "He's sorry, or so the story goes, its ran and replayed and it ends the same way." ~The Starting Line. (I miss them, havent been to a concert in way too long, but luckily theyll be here in November.) Well I try to be vague in these journals so I dont call anyone out. Im not the name dropping or gossiping type but I think its getting obvious that Im having boy troubles. And since everyone knows who my boy is, vagueness isnt working. Well back to the mind dump...
I wanna be swept off my feet every single day. I want to be treated like its the last moment together, every moment we're together. It used to happen. But we're so close that I guess he doesnt feel that he has to impress me anymore. SO comfortable that he talks to me like im one of his boys. But Im not. I'm a girl (yikes i hate admitting that,) that needs attention and affection. Sure Im wearing a football jersey right now and sure I can burp with the best of them but in that single sence - I am a girl. Dont promice me youll make me fall in love all over again if you wont. Dont ask to wake up next to me if sleeping is the only time we'll spend together. And dont call me at 4am from outside of my window and expect me to sign you in. I know its fear. This momentary attention ive been getting for the last few days is purely fear. Afraid Im going to leave you and find someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated? Maybe you could have thought of that all those times you forgot to include me or forgot to leave up an away message about me after I hinted at it. But theres so much more there. Everything is easier said than done. There is a boy out there somewhere that likes my smile Im sure. And there is a boy out there somewhere who dreams of being able to treat a girl like a queen. You have reason to be afraid I guess. But Im afraid too. Im afraid Im going to be stuck in an unhappy existance. Its not too much to ask to be happy is it? I didnt think so. I wanna be happy away from the sheets too - not just between.
"Its been a summer." An entire summer of no attention and no listening to my desperate pleas to have attention paid to me.
The West Coast sunset didnt work.
"another sad love song wrecking my brain like crazy."
note - i write this thing cause when i was younger i kept a diary on my computer and when it crashed I lost everything. Its easier to write online and not be afraid it will ...
woops... there goesn an hour - busy desk this morning. ill just update and get it over with
Then since im bored at the desk, I decided to be that girl. You know, that girl who clicks info for screen names on her buddy list. One caught my eye. My best friend from 4th grade that I havent really talked in in forever. It stuck out in my head so much because she had a line in there dedicated to a friend who passed away a little less than a month ago. But wait, that friend was the same that someone else I know has been talking about for some time. Apparently, two people I know, who Id never think knew eachother, knew this young man who has unfortunately left this world. It makes me feel some type of way, even though I dont know this young man, who is apparently an Angel to a lot of people our age right now. All respect goes out to that one.
Lastly, there's everything else. Parts of my life that are significant are now causing uneasiness. I havent been happy with one part of my life and the only thing left to do would be to get it out of my life. But its just not that easy. There's so much more there. I fell too fast and too soon. Maybe Im just being selfish. I was spoiled my whole life into thinking that I was a princess who deserved the best. But now i dont feel like im being given the best. I get promiced it all the time, but its been the same empty promice over and over again. "He's sorry, or so the story goes, its ran and replayed and it ends the same way." ~The Starting Line. (I miss them, havent been to a concert in way too long, but luckily theyll be here in November.) Well I try to be vague in these journals so I dont call anyone out. Im not the name dropping or gossiping type but I think its getting obvious that Im having boy troubles. And since everyone knows who my boy is, vagueness isnt working. Well back to the mind dump...
I wanna be swept off my feet every single day. I want to be treated like its the last moment together, every moment we're together. It used to happen. But we're so close that I guess he doesnt feel that he has to impress me anymore. SO comfortable that he talks to me like im one of his boys. But Im not. I'm a girl (yikes i hate admitting that,) that needs attention and affection. Sure Im wearing a football jersey right now and sure I can burp with the best of them but in that single sence - I am a girl. Dont promice me youll make me fall in love all over again if you wont. Dont ask to wake up next to me if sleeping is the only time we'll spend together. And dont call me at 4am from outside of my window and expect me to sign you in. I know its fear. This momentary attention ive been getting for the last few days is purely fear. Afraid Im going to leave you and find someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated? Maybe you could have thought of that all those times you forgot to include me or forgot to leave up an away message about me after I hinted at it. But theres so much more there. Everything is easier said than done. There is a boy out there somewhere that likes my smile Im sure. And there is a boy out there somewhere who dreams of being able to treat a girl like a queen. You have reason to be afraid I guess. But Im afraid too. Im afraid Im going to be stuck in an unhappy existance. Its not too much to ask to be happy is it? I didnt think so. I wanna be happy away from the sheets too - not just between.
"Its been a summer." An entire summer of no attention and no listening to my desperate pleas to have attention paid to me.
The West Coast sunset didnt work.
"another sad love song wrecking my brain like crazy."
note - i write this thing cause when i was younger i kept a diary on my computer and when it crashed I lost everything. Its easier to write online and not be afraid it will ...
woops... there goesn an hour - busy desk this morning. ill just update and get it over with