an early goodbye

[nottoomuch]

i'm leaving for the summer, yet again. i suck too much for my own good, this i know, now more than ever. as for cryptic, well i don't see the need for it. sure, this even isn't coming right out and saying it, but goddam it, i wouldn't expect my best friend, my only best friend i might add, to not be able to talk to me directly. i've had other good friends, i still have them, but none ever got as close as the last one. i felt lonely, i felt vulnerable, and the only one who i had to talk to was talking to me in ways i had to decipher while a pursuer got it straight out. i'm leaving in a week, not to return till august. the only ways to contact me are by mail or phone. i welcome any and all letters or calls, and hey i might even write or call you back.

i just made a decision...i'm going to be a recluse. tell everyone you know that if they want to talk to me, they have to make the move. i'm still as accessible, but i don't care about reaching out anymore. i've tried and it gets me nowhere as i've learned over and over again. i love life too much to be brought down by the outside so i'm sticking to myself. selfish? maybe. whatever. like i said, i just don't care. take care, everyone. i'll miss you till i see you again, when and if i see you again.

p.s.~i stayed up to finish reading the da vinci code last night, and i am really having trouble figuring out what the big deal was.