In a City of Devils We Live
Surprisingly enough to Billy, churchgoing with Daniel had been almost enlightening. In fact, it had felt nearly natural. That was, of course, blamed on the fact that he knew more or less what he was doing; it all felt so familiar to him.
He’d followed Daniel back to his apartment to be greeted by Greta. “She likes you,” Daniel commented with a smirk. “That’s good.”
“I gotta ask, is God really a guy?”
Daniel chuckled. “You really don’t like to waste time, do you?”
“It just makes me curious!”
“No. God isn’t a guy. Isn’t a gal, either. God’s more of an it. But saying He--especially in such a male-dominated society as it was back then--sounds a hell of a lot better than saying It, right?” He meandered into the kitchen and put on a pot of water. “We’re talking about an entity that created the universe, Billy. I think God can be whatever He, She, or It pleases.”
“Okay...no, I get that.”
“Next question, don’t mind me making tea.”
Billy leaned back on the couch and watched him through the doorway. “Seriously, though, why not go back to school?”
“Mm, back to me, is it? Can’t say I’m too shocked. I wanted to see how far I’d get living on my own.” His perpetually amused look faded to something more neutral. "And because I'm going to die."
Blink. "...What?"
"Don't get all upset about it. I've known for like two weeks now.”
"When?"
"Not long. I'm mostly trying to get everything organized." Daniel smiled. "Which is why I'm really getting back in-touch with God. I might be able to theorize in an objective light about everything, but I still believe, and I like to believe I'm going somewhere awesome afterwards." He made a face. "Don't start making a big deal about it; you only just met me. We'll talk a few times, and maybe it'll help you, but really, are you going to actually remember me? Come on, don't act like that. Keep going. I like this."
"But..." Billy shook his head. "I don't understand, you're so young! You should have everything ahead of you! Shouldn't you be in at the hospital or something?"
"No. No, I shouldn't, and no, I don't have everything ahead of me. Everyone always says that."
Billy understood that. Like saying things to Rachel that in the end meant nothing. Everyone knew the words, nobody knew what they meant.
"No offense, but I meant what I said before, you know. Who really gets far as an inventor anyway? I was always a dropout kind of kid anyway. The slacker. I could've gone years ago, but I would rather go out on my own and try to break that habit of loans and money and learning. Not for me. Also? My family never had that kind of money. I thought it'd be easier this way. Ask your next question, and not about me."
Billy leaned back, a little stunned but...willing.
“Uh, so, uh...”
“I just made things ridiculously awkward between us, didn’t I?”
“You could say that.”
“It’s really okay.” Daniel glanced out of the kitchen and met Billy’s eyes. “Really. It’s okay.”
“But what of?”
“Didn’t I say not about me?”
“Are you going to answer me?”
“No.”
“...Oh.” Billy sunk into his seat and scratched Greta’s head, curled up beside him. “Um. Right. I’ve got a good one. One that’s been bugging me for a while now. And I don’t think you can answer it. It might even sound stupid.” He cringed. “Might even sound offensive to you.”
The sound of Daniel’s laughter was uplifting. “You can’t offend me with anything you say about religion, trust me. Shoot.”
“Why would God let certain people come back from the dead while most just...stay dead?”
Daniel’s face screwed up in confusion and concentration. “You mean like Jesus?”
“Well...I mean, Jesus was the son of God. He can be a little preferential in that case, I think.”
“So you mean like...those miracles in hospitals where people should be dead but aren’t or have actually died but come back somehow?”
Billy laughed softly. It wasn’t what he meant, but it was close enough without sounding completely crazy. “Yeah, something like that.”
“In those cases, not God. It’s just the human body doing amazing things.”
No, he realized, Daniel would not have the answer to that one, but it was worth a shot.
“You want any tea?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.”
“No tea from a dead man walking then, huh?”
“Don’t say that.”
“Sorry. A little morbid humor.”
“I see.” It didn’t sit well with Billy; none of it did. Now he had even more questions, but he couldn’t ask them of his dying friend. It would be downright insensitive. Daniel didn’t seem to mind, but still... “Okay, here’s one for you: church and state.”
Daniel seemed to wince at that. “No, man, they do not mix, ever. You can have politicians that believe, and they can worship on their own time. That’s cool. But if you start talking about God in your speeches, you just start sounding crazy.” He came back with a cup of hot tea and settled himself on the other side of Greta.
“But sometimes it dictates policy.”
“Does it?”
“Example: abortion. It all comes down to if your own morals allow for that kind of thing, right? And where do they get their morals from? Religion.”
“Sometimes it is personal feeling, though, or what they deem best for the country. That’s a bit of a hot button topic there, though. Tricky situation. And don’t ask me about it, or I will spill hot tea all over you, because I won’t get drawn into that debate again.”
“Fair enough. ...So how does one update their religion to get with the times, anyway? In a way that would be generally acceptable to most.”
“Well...you can’t. You’d cause everything to fracture too much. That’s why you have to start a new religion. You know how a lot of people don’t know the different between Christianity and Catholicism? And there are just so many factions that have broken off from the same source, the same God, in their minds.”
“Why do people feel so much more secure with religion?”
Daniel shrugged. “Depends on the religion and the benefits. It gives them a moral code. Keeps them in line because Big Brother’s always watching. Get to go somewhere cool when you go. Lets you feel like things are in someone else’s caring hands and that you’re not really so alone in the whole universe.”
“There are six billion other people on this planet.”
“You know what I mean.”
“...Yeah.” The whole rest of the day was spent like that, except Billy couldn’t shake the awkward realization that his newfound friend wasn’t going to be around much longer. To Daniel’s delight, Billy decided he would at least stop by every single day after that.
He’d followed Daniel back to his apartment to be greeted by Greta. “She likes you,” Daniel commented with a smirk. “That’s good.”
“I gotta ask, is God really a guy?”
Daniel chuckled. “You really don’t like to waste time, do you?”
“It just makes me curious!”
“No. God isn’t a guy. Isn’t a gal, either. God’s more of an it. But saying He--especially in such a male-dominated society as it was back then--sounds a hell of a lot better than saying It, right?” He meandered into the kitchen and put on a pot of water. “We’re talking about an entity that created the universe, Billy. I think God can be whatever He, She, or It pleases.”
“Okay...no, I get that.”
“Next question, don’t mind me making tea.”
Billy leaned back on the couch and watched him through the doorway. “Seriously, though, why not go back to school?”
“Mm, back to me, is it? Can’t say I’m too shocked. I wanted to see how far I’d get living on my own.” His perpetually amused look faded to something more neutral. "And because I'm going to die."
Blink. "...What?"
"Don't get all upset about it. I've known for like two weeks now.”
"When?"
"Not long. I'm mostly trying to get everything organized." Daniel smiled. "Which is why I'm really getting back in-touch with God. I might be able to theorize in an objective light about everything, but I still believe, and I like to believe I'm going somewhere awesome afterwards." He made a face. "Don't start making a big deal about it; you only just met me. We'll talk a few times, and maybe it'll help you, but really, are you going to actually remember me? Come on, don't act like that. Keep going. I like this."
"But..." Billy shook his head. "I don't understand, you're so young! You should have everything ahead of you! Shouldn't you be in at the hospital or something?"
"No. No, I shouldn't, and no, I don't have everything ahead of me. Everyone always says that."
Billy understood that. Like saying things to Rachel that in the end meant nothing. Everyone knew the words, nobody knew what they meant.
"No offense, but I meant what I said before, you know. Who really gets far as an inventor anyway? I was always a dropout kind of kid anyway. The slacker. I could've gone years ago, but I would rather go out on my own and try to break that habit of loans and money and learning. Not for me. Also? My family never had that kind of money. I thought it'd be easier this way. Ask your next question, and not about me."
Billy leaned back, a little stunned but...willing.
“Uh, so, uh...”
“I just made things ridiculously awkward between us, didn’t I?”
“You could say that.”
“It’s really okay.” Daniel glanced out of the kitchen and met Billy’s eyes. “Really. It’s okay.”
“But what of?”
“Didn’t I say not about me?”
“Are you going to answer me?”
“No.”
“...Oh.” Billy sunk into his seat and scratched Greta’s head, curled up beside him. “Um. Right. I’ve got a good one. One that’s been bugging me for a while now. And I don’t think you can answer it. It might even sound stupid.” He cringed. “Might even sound offensive to you.”
The sound of Daniel’s laughter was uplifting. “You can’t offend me with anything you say about religion, trust me. Shoot.”
“Why would God let certain people come back from the dead while most just...stay dead?”
Daniel’s face screwed up in confusion and concentration. “You mean like Jesus?”
“Well...I mean, Jesus was the son of God. He can be a little preferential in that case, I think.”
“So you mean like...those miracles in hospitals where people should be dead but aren’t or have actually died but come back somehow?”
Billy laughed softly. It wasn’t what he meant, but it was close enough without sounding completely crazy. “Yeah, something like that.”
“In those cases, not God. It’s just the human body doing amazing things.”
No, he realized, Daniel would not have the answer to that one, but it was worth a shot.
“You want any tea?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.”
“No tea from a dead man walking then, huh?”
“Don’t say that.”
“Sorry. A little morbid humor.”
“I see.” It didn’t sit well with Billy; none of it did. Now he had even more questions, but he couldn’t ask them of his dying friend. It would be downright insensitive. Daniel didn’t seem to mind, but still... “Okay, here’s one for you: church and state.”
Daniel seemed to wince at that. “No, man, they do not mix, ever. You can have politicians that believe, and they can worship on their own time. That’s cool. But if you start talking about God in your speeches, you just start sounding crazy.” He came back with a cup of hot tea and settled himself on the other side of Greta.
“But sometimes it dictates policy.”
“Does it?”
“Example: abortion. It all comes down to if your own morals allow for that kind of thing, right? And where do they get their morals from? Religion.”
“Sometimes it is personal feeling, though, or what they deem best for the country. That’s a bit of a hot button topic there, though. Tricky situation. And don’t ask me about it, or I will spill hot tea all over you, because I won’t get drawn into that debate again.”
“Fair enough. ...So how does one update their religion to get with the times, anyway? In a way that would be generally acceptable to most.”
“Well...you can’t. You’d cause everything to fracture too much. That’s why you have to start a new religion. You know how a lot of people don’t know the different between Christianity and Catholicism? And there are just so many factions that have broken off from the same source, the same God, in their minds.”
“Why do people feel so much more secure with religion?”
Daniel shrugged. “Depends on the religion and the benefits. It gives them a moral code. Keeps them in line because Big Brother’s always watching. Get to go somewhere cool when you go. Lets you feel like things are in someone else’s caring hands and that you’re not really so alone in the whole universe.”
“There are six billion other people on this planet.”
“You know what I mean.”
“...Yeah.” The whole rest of the day was spent like that, except Billy couldn’t shake the awkward realization that his newfound friend wasn’t going to be around much longer. To Daniel’s delight, Billy decided he would at least stop by every single day after that.