thoughts
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GETS ON MY NERVES? WHEN A GUY OR A GIRL CONFESSES THEIR UNDYING LOVE FOR SOMEONE AND THAT OTHER PERSON JUST KICKS THEM TO THE SIDE. IF SOMEONE IS TELLING YOU THEY LOVE YOU AND WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS OR HER LIFE WITH YOU...ACCEPT IT. IT BREAKS THE HEART TO BE REJECTED!!! ONE DAY YOU WILL REGRET SAYING NO TO THAT PERSON. IT MAY BE WHEN THEY ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO ACCEPTED THE LOVE, OR IT MIGHT BE ON THEIR WEDDING DAY AND YOU REALIZE YOU TWO WERE MENT TO BE TOGETHER FOR ETERNITY AND YOUR FOOLISHNESS KEPT YOU TWO FROM GROWING OLD TOGETHER. IT TAKES SOMEONE ALL THE COURAGE IN THE WORLD TO LET SOMEONE KNOW HOW THEY FEEL DEEP DOWN INSIDE AND IF YOU LET THEM SET THEM SET THEMSELVES UP FOR THAT SHOCK OF REJECTION...YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY... YOU WILL GET YOURS IN THE END. THIS RANT GOES OUT TO THE GIRLS I LOVED LONG AGO...I HAVE MOVED ON AND FOUND MY SOMEONE...I COULD HAVE BEEN YOURS AND WE COULD HAVE GROWN OLD TOGETHER AND DIED IN EACH OTHERS ARMS...BUT YOU WERE TO COWARDOUS TO TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH WITH ME AND MAYBE ONE DAY YOU WILL SEE HOW THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN AND HOW WONDERFUL THEY COULD HAVE BEEN. RIGHT NOW I AM NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT I HOPE YOU FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN FALL MADLY IN LOVE WITH AND NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD. I HOPE THAT HAPPENS FOR YOU BUT BE WARNED IT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WANTED YOU, IT MIGHT HAPPEN TO YOU WHEN YOU FIND THAT SOMEONE ELSE.
ALSO...ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TOPIC. ANOTHER THING THAT GETS ME ON MY NERVES IS...ME!!! MY BIGGEST PROBLEM THESE DAYS IF FAITH. NOT BE INVOLVED IN IT AND MY CHURCH COMMUNITY HAS STRUCK ME FOR A BLOW. I AM AT A VERY LOW LOW IN MY FOURTH DAY ROLLERCOASTER. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LOST TOUCH WITH EVERYONE THAT I MADE MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEYS WITH, ESPECIALLY JESUS. LINDSAY NEVER PICKS UP THE PHONE WHEN I CALL HER. I HAVEN'T SEEN MEGAN IN OVER A YEAR, AND I DON'T WANT TO START WITH JACOB. I AM NOT TRYING TO CALL YOU GUYS OUT. THIS IS NOT MY INTENTION. THE THING IS THOUGH THAT WE WERE PARENTS TOGETHER. I JUST HAD THE CRAZY IDEA THAT WE WOULD STAY IN TOUCH FOR LONGER THAN THE DURATION OF US BEING IN SEARCH. IT IS TRUE THAT OUR STINT IN SEARCH IS OVER BUT WE NEED EACH OTHER TO MAKE IT THROUGH THESE LOWS. I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE. MY MOM IS NO HELP. CURRENTLY SHE ISN'T EVEN SPEAKING TO ME. I AM COMPLETELY OUT OF MY FAITH. I CATCH MYSELF DOING THINGS I WOULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT OF DOING TWO YEARS AGO. I NEED HELP. I NEED INTERVENTION. GOD, I NEED YOU!!! WHY ARE YOU NOT WITH ME. I KNOW THE POEM "FOOTPRINTS" TO WELL. BUT I NEED YOUR HELP. I DON'T EVEN SEE YOU CARING ME ANYWHERE! WHERE ARE YOU. THIS IS RETARDED. WHY AM I SUCH A BAD PERSON NOW. I USED TO BE SOMEONE PEOPLE LOOKED UP TO. PEYDEN AND WESLEY BOTH HAVE TOLD ME THAT I INSPIRED THEM TO BE SO INVOLVED AND BRING YOU TO OTHER PEOPLE. HOW IS IT NOW THAT I AM SUCH A SCREW UP. IT HAS TO BE ME. IT HAS TO BE ME. I AM THE ONE WHO IS PUSHING YOU AWAY. BUT BEFORE IT WAS SO EASY. I FELT YOU EVERYWHERE. I SAW YOU IN EVERYONE ELSE. I HAD CONSTANT RECHARGES OF YOUR GRACE AND NOW NOTHING. HOW CAN I KEEP GOING ON WITHOUT YOU. I NEED YOU. I AM DEPRESSED. I FEEL WORTHLESS. HELP ME SEE YOU.
ALSO...ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TOPIC. ANOTHER THING THAT GETS ME ON MY NERVES IS...ME!!! MY BIGGEST PROBLEM THESE DAYS IF FAITH. NOT BE INVOLVED IN IT AND MY CHURCH COMMUNITY HAS STRUCK ME FOR A BLOW. I AM AT A VERY LOW LOW IN MY FOURTH DAY ROLLERCOASTER. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LOST TOUCH WITH EVERYONE THAT I MADE MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEYS WITH, ESPECIALLY JESUS. LINDSAY NEVER PICKS UP THE PHONE WHEN I CALL HER. I HAVEN'T SEEN MEGAN IN OVER A YEAR, AND I DON'T WANT TO START WITH JACOB. I AM NOT TRYING TO CALL YOU GUYS OUT. THIS IS NOT MY INTENTION. THE THING IS THOUGH THAT WE WERE PARENTS TOGETHER. I JUST HAD THE CRAZY IDEA THAT WE WOULD STAY IN TOUCH FOR LONGER THAN THE DURATION OF US BEING IN SEARCH. IT IS TRUE THAT OUR STINT IN SEARCH IS OVER BUT WE NEED EACH OTHER TO MAKE IT THROUGH THESE LOWS. I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE. MY MOM IS NO HELP. CURRENTLY SHE ISN'T EVEN SPEAKING TO ME. I AM COMPLETELY OUT OF MY FAITH. I CATCH MYSELF DOING THINGS I WOULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT OF DOING TWO YEARS AGO. I NEED HELP. I NEED INTERVENTION. GOD, I NEED YOU!!! WHY ARE YOU NOT WITH ME. I KNOW THE POEM "FOOTPRINTS" TO WELL. BUT I NEED YOUR HELP. I DON'T EVEN SEE YOU CARING ME ANYWHERE! WHERE ARE YOU. THIS IS RETARDED. WHY AM I SUCH A BAD PERSON NOW. I USED TO BE SOMEONE PEOPLE LOOKED UP TO. PEYDEN AND WESLEY BOTH HAVE TOLD ME THAT I INSPIRED THEM TO BE SO INVOLVED AND BRING YOU TO OTHER PEOPLE. HOW IS IT NOW THAT I AM SUCH A SCREW UP. IT HAS TO BE ME. IT HAS TO BE ME. I AM THE ONE WHO IS PUSHING YOU AWAY. BUT BEFORE IT WAS SO EASY. I FELT YOU EVERYWHERE. I SAW YOU IN EVERYONE ELSE. I HAD CONSTANT RECHARGES OF YOUR GRACE AND NOW NOTHING. HOW CAN I KEEP GOING ON WITHOUT YOU. I NEED YOU. I AM DEPRESSED. I FEEL WORTHLESS. HELP ME SEE YOU.