and far enough so that if someone pushes me, i'll burst into tears before they take their next breath.
thursday was the 3rd doctor's appointment. you know, weight, blood pressure, baby heartbeat, blah blah blah. not the sort of appointment everyone needs to attend since there will be about 10 more just like it. but due to the afore-posted foot injury, L took off work to take me. usual questions asked, the missing results to the PAP found (oh, it's here in your folder...normal!), heartbeat located (140s as opposed to 150s like last time's chase). and then some belly-prodding. "did you have an ultrasound at your first appointment?" hmm, no? "how'd we get a heartbeat" with a doppler...like normal? "hmm...let me see if i can find the machine" and i was ALL EXCITED because who wouldn't want a surprise look at the baby? and she came back with no machine. booo. but then she left again & came back WITH the machine! yay!
and more cold jelly & a flickering gray/black screen. and simultaneous OH and UH OH from dr. & L. because there, on the screen, were TWO LITTLE ROUND HEADS. in case you missed it: TWO LITTLE ROUND HEADS. TWINS. OH MY GOSH-TWINS!
seems that they skip a generation (oh, hello, great-uncle jack...never knew THAT about you before!). and that once a woman hits 30, the chances for natural multiples increases. and at 35, they increase some more.
everyone has been so excited & supportive & L has let me cry on his shoulder. and, despite the constant emotional precipice, i'm good. a little spazzed still because all my plans just went out the window (2 of everything? and now a stroller?) but it's OK. God knows what he is doing, even though we don't. He's blessed us with 2 more little ones to guide towards Him. and since He gave them to us, He'll see us through it. i just need to wrap my human mind around it and accept things the way they are.
i've got several months, a wonderful husband and big kids who (despite what they say now) will be the same kind of huge help they were with ntm3 when she came along. life will be wonderful. for a minute it crossed my mind that i am ruining what i have with ntm3 by subjecting the little princess to a REAL, ABSOLUTE middle child position. but i'm not. i'm giving her two more that will revel in siblinghood. that will love her imperfection unconditionally. that, once they grow a bit, will provide built in playmates that aren't 10 years older than her. and two siblings to teach, as her older siblings have taught her.
people have said our hands will be full. yes, they will...more full than we could ever imagine. but, as the saying/cliche goes, so will be our hearts. painfully so, at times, i'm sure. but oh so much more often beautifully so. i never could have predicted this in a million years. but now that i'm here, i can't imagine missing it.