one jealous bitch
i am jealous person by nature. i can't shake it. i wish i could. perhaps my jealous personality could describe my attraction to the color green.
i find myself being envious of many things that people have. jealous of the perfect body or least one that is deemed "attractive". Jealous of having a relationship that i thought i had in one point in my life. I find myself saying a semblance of a quote from Sex and the City, "I'm 25 (almost), where is he?". i don't want to be like the girls i admire on sex and the city. i don't want to be single in my thirties. i want to have children. i am jealous of my friends who are married and planning to have children. i want that. if only to feel that excitement of love again. Even to feel the excitement of live again. I find myself being jealous of high school students who seem to have social lives. I want one of those. perhaps a lot of that is my fault because i get invited and i graciously decline. well, i am tired of feeling like the odd person out. going out and being the person who becomes the wallflower the one who everyone else wonders why is even there.
mostly i guess i am jealous of people who have crushes and or signifignant others. being admired by someone other than your friends and your parents is a gratifying feeling. i certainly enjoy that feeling. here come valentine's day again in 11 days. i'll be working my dead-end subbing job and kids will be walking in with flowers and i will just be the squawking box in the front of room.
overall, i am not happy with the path of my life right now.
i find myself being envious of many things that people have. jealous of the perfect body or least one that is deemed "attractive". Jealous of having a relationship that i thought i had in one point in my life. I find myself saying a semblance of a quote from Sex and the City, "I'm 25 (almost), where is he?". i don't want to be like the girls i admire on sex and the city. i don't want to be single in my thirties. i want to have children. i am jealous of my friends who are married and planning to have children. i want that. if only to feel that excitement of love again. Even to feel the excitement of live again. I find myself being jealous of high school students who seem to have social lives. I want one of those. perhaps a lot of that is my fault because i get invited and i graciously decline. well, i am tired of feeling like the odd person out. going out and being the person who becomes the wallflower the one who everyone else wonders why is even there.
mostly i guess i am jealous of people who have crushes and or signifignant others. being admired by someone other than your friends and your parents is a gratifying feeling. i certainly enjoy that feeling. here come valentine's day again in 11 days. i'll be working my dead-end subbing job and kids will be walking in with flowers and i will just be the squawking box in the front of room.
overall, i am not happy with the path of my life right now.