stream of randomness
I think when it comes to relationships and break-ups, people have to be strong and persevere. Sure, I still have feelings for Michael and yes, I’ve thought that maybe our break-up was a bit rash. But, I need time to think and to discover myself again. Having gone through the break-up with Matt that was very much like a divorce (with the splitting and dividing of items) I have become hard. Almost black hearted. Sure, I want to love again. I want to be free of this sort of misery. I haven’t completely forgotten about Matt. I think I will always have strong feelings for him. Michael and my mother (among other people) have said that I have built this subconscious wall to not let myself get close to anyone ever again. Perhaps, this is true. I’ve been thinking a lot about this wall. I’ve had some time to think about it. I’ve told Michael that I’m in need for some time. I thank him for allowing me to have some time to think on my own. Last night I spent in my apartment watching Pirates of the Caribbean 1 and it was very relaxing. (A lot of things made sense after seeing the second movie, I saw it on Saturday) Some times I so hermit-style and just stay in my apartment. I really need to get out. I’ve been doing just that. I’ve been hanging out with Shawn, Skylor, and Adrian. I love those guys. Many times they have made me laugh when I needed it most.
But, time heals all wounds and I am a survivor. I want to be friends with Michael, but right now I don’t know what the future will hold for us as a relationship. He and I know what we had and believe me it was special. He’s a great person. He has a heart of gold and would do anything for the person that he cares most about. I think that part of me wishes this could be different, but for now…I need to figure myself out.