impending
with june 1 impending...i have to think. it's been a year since Matt broke up with me. I haven't spoken (verbally) to him since like July, and email i spoke to him earlier this year. it's painful thinking it was a year ago that i thought i was with the man i was going to marry and have children with. it's depressing knowing that date is coming. it makes me think if he ever thinks of me. he told me in his email that he thinks of me fondly and values what we had. thinking back to the day that i broke down in front of him, i remember saying that i'd never hear from him again. well, i guess i was right.
am i better off or stronger? i'm not sure. i am a different person after the relationship. i'm a stronger and more mature person. it helped me become the person who i am again. however, i feel broken. i feel like i will never be able to love again. that's a painful feeling. at least i don't have the feelings that one day he'll come back. he's not going to. i've finally realized that. it took me a year. that's fucked up. love is truly a bewitching experience. i feel like i've been through a war. i feel like a better person, but a broken person. i now have a defect and the next guy i date is going to have to deal with that.
june 1 is going to be a hard day for me.