27 - In Which Apple Kid Unveils Christmas Gifts - Futuredated
My friend Ness invited me to spend Christmas with his family in Onett. So I'll be back in Eagleland for awhile! Jeff maybe I'll see your dad and he can shower me with the love and affection he never gave you!
There is a very messily wrapped package outside of your door, Zelda. Inside is a curious machine made out of an old microwave, several skeins of yarn, some wires, and an old erector set. There is a note that reads: "This is my latest invention, the instant paternity test indicator. Simply place some genetic material inside and it will tell you, almost instantly, who the biological father is. It's like an episode of Maury condensed down to it's purest essence. I don't know if you can do anything with it, but who knows!"
Jeff: A box of peanut cheese bars, and a mustache trimmer that also doubles as an instant karaoke microphone.
Orange Kid: A bag of toffees and a pair of prescription glasses that when worn translates French, Italian, Spanish or Latin text into regular English.
Paula: A bag of peppermints and a teddy bear that plays MP3s and makes pancakes.
Poo: A box of boring mochi dango that taste like bland nothing, and a teakettle that somehow has a TV screen on one side of it.
Tony: A box of candied fruit and a bowtie that, when you tug on it, and say a word, will give you the definition of that word, and a short list of synonyms.
Ulty: A bag of instant dairy creamer and a picture book of "hams of the world" that for reasons seem unexplainable, always has a fresh, hot slice of ham stuck in between two of the pages every time it's read (but it's in a different place each time, so you have to leaf through for awhile).
Knuckles: A box of figgy pudding, and a cup of pencils that never runs out of pencils. Ever. It's like some sort of multi-use battle item or something
Slippy: A box of assorted flavors of instant jello, and a wrench that mysteriously dispenses maple syrup when you push a button.
Mr. Kyle Hyde: A can of pretzels and a telephone that can always, at any moment or time of day, reach Apple Kid.
Melissa: A bag of peppermints and a machine that turns pencil shavings into eggplant Parmesan.
Everyone who was in his D&D group: Dice that when you roll them, sing their result. This includes adding up results on multiple dice.
There is a very messily wrapped package outside of your door, Zelda. Inside is a curious machine made out of an old microwave, several skeins of yarn, some wires, and an old erector set. There is a note that reads: "This is my latest invention, the instant paternity test indicator. Simply place some genetic material inside and it will tell you, almost instantly, who the biological father is. It's like an episode of Maury condensed down to it's purest essence. I don't know if you can do anything with it, but who knows!"
Jeff: A box of peanut cheese bars, and a mustache trimmer that also doubles as an instant karaoke microphone.
Orange Kid: A bag of toffees and a pair of prescription glasses that when worn translates French, Italian, Spanish or Latin text into regular English.
Paula: A bag of peppermints and a teddy bear that plays MP3s and makes pancakes.
Poo: A box of boring mochi dango that taste like bland nothing, and a teakettle that somehow has a TV screen on one side of it.
Tony: A box of candied fruit and a bowtie that, when you tug on it, and say a word, will give you the definition of that word, and a short list of synonyms.
Ulty: A bag of instant dairy creamer and a picture book of "hams of the world" that for reasons seem unexplainable, always has a fresh, hot slice of ham stuck in between two of the pages every time it's read (but it's in a different place each time, so you have to leaf through for awhile).
Knuckles: A box of figgy pudding, and a cup of pencils that never runs out of pencils. Ever. It's like some sort of multi-use battle item or something
Slippy: A box of assorted flavors of instant jello, and a wrench that mysteriously dispenses maple syrup when you push a button.
Mr. Kyle Hyde: A can of pretzels and a telephone that can always, at any moment or time of day, reach Apple Kid.
Melissa: A bag of peppermints and a machine that turns pencil shavings into eggplant Parmesan.
Everyone who was in his D&D group: Dice that when you roll them, sing their result. This includes adding up results on multiple dice.