The Internal earthquake
Krow is having a bad night, his dad is really sick. I have a bad feeling for his father regaining prime health. I can hear the pain in Krow's voice. His father is his idol, and I think without that, or the idea of loseing it makes him look at his life and feel it was a let down. I wish I could comfort him. His pain strikes my heart till I am in tears for him. And I was not ashamed to let him hear me cry.
But he asked me something "Do you need me, Do you want me?" and that question, I dunno rocked me to my soul. I have been journaling in my written journal (where I keep my most secret thoughts) about "to have love and lost" and the concept of "home" and when he asked me that it was like BOOM everything clicked. I was shocked, the answer was in fact yes. I mean I told him those questions are not just cut and dry, there are a LOT of ways to want and need someone, and I was learning a lot of them were yes.
When Walter died I assumed that my romantic home (that is his heart) was gone, but what if he was just a lesson and with this stranger of whom I know his very personality, maybe,. . . I am more confused but feeling secure. I think I have my answer about "what if this is like before when i wanted to leave home for love and didn't" this IS different, ::considers::
I am too far from where i want to be. I understand now how you can feel certain and unsure at the same time.
But he asked me something "Do you need me, Do you want me?" and that question, I dunno rocked me to my soul. I have been journaling in my written journal (where I keep my most secret thoughts) about "to have love and lost" and the concept of "home" and when he asked me that it was like BOOM everything clicked. I was shocked, the answer was in fact yes. I mean I told him those questions are not just cut and dry, there are a LOT of ways to want and need someone, and I was learning a lot of them were yes.
When Walter died I assumed that my romantic home (that is his heart) was gone, but what if he was just a lesson and with this stranger of whom I know his very personality, maybe,. . . I am more confused but feeling secure. I think I have my answer about "what if this is like before when i wanted to leave home for love and didn't" this IS different, ::considers::
I am too far from where i want to be. I understand now how you can feel certain and unsure at the same time.