no more black&white
i flip back and forth. i want to accept who i am and just be satisfied and then i want to change everything about me...then i think im subconciously hiding from news that scares me, but if i do that then im abadoning my friends. i guess im trying to just be happy and a way to do that is ignore all the bad. is that so wrong? i want to be beautiful and accept compliments, but with that comes effort and trying to ignore those that try to bring you down. which is hard.
ive decided im not taking shit from anyone. ok maybe only guys. cuz girls are a whole other story.
im just suprised at myself. i go back and forth and change my mind.
i want to complain to ppl but the ppl or person i feel as if i can complain to ive done that enough. and ppl who complain all the time are no fun to be around and i dont want to become one of those ppl.
i just wish things were clearer. maybe that would make things easier. but theres no black and white left in the world. and gray just doesnt work well on me. lol.
i just wish that things were different but not.
is it weird that i dont want to go home. i mean to my actual home, cuz that means i have to face reality. i love my sister and mom and i miss my puppies so much! theyre awesome, unconditional love all the time. i just dont want to actually return to the town. i left things behind so i could be ok. ya know. if i ignore the bad, then sometimes i ignore my past, and you cant do that, without having some kind of effect.
i dont believe that what ppl say is true, one hundred percent of the time. im wondering if they say it just for the sake of it and they wont back it up. where as i try so hard to mean what i say. i just dont know how it will be when i go back. this is a weird feeling.
i also go back and forth from judgements ive made. no one can say that they dont judge, its human nature. im just reassessing ppl. who i tht they were, then they turn around and theyre someone else. i dont want to be a legacy, or someone whose gossiped about or talked about behind my back. i wanna be a truthful honest person who lived life and who encourages and blesses others. i want to feel great about myself, the things i say and do. i want to not disappoint myself or others but i want to be happy. i want to be content, but more than that. cuz settling wont work for me. i dont want to loose who i am or my luster or passion for life. im just really beginning my life but i want a lot out of it. and im tired of crap.
the end.
ive decided im not taking shit from anyone. ok maybe only guys. cuz girls are a whole other story.
im just suprised at myself. i go back and forth and change my mind.
i want to complain to ppl but the ppl or person i feel as if i can complain to ive done that enough. and ppl who complain all the time are no fun to be around and i dont want to become one of those ppl.
i just wish things were clearer. maybe that would make things easier. but theres no black and white left in the world. and gray just doesnt work well on me. lol.
i just wish that things were different but not.
is it weird that i dont want to go home. i mean to my actual home, cuz that means i have to face reality. i love my sister and mom and i miss my puppies so much! theyre awesome, unconditional love all the time. i just dont want to actually return to the town. i left things behind so i could be ok. ya know. if i ignore the bad, then sometimes i ignore my past, and you cant do that, without having some kind of effect.
i dont believe that what ppl say is true, one hundred percent of the time. im wondering if they say it just for the sake of it and they wont back it up. where as i try so hard to mean what i say. i just dont know how it will be when i go back. this is a weird feeling.
i also go back and forth from judgements ive made. no one can say that they dont judge, its human nature. im just reassessing ppl. who i tht they were, then they turn around and theyre someone else. i dont want to be a legacy, or someone whose gossiped about or talked about behind my back. i wanna be a truthful honest person who lived life and who encourages and blesses others. i want to feel great about myself, the things i say and do. i want to not disappoint myself or others but i want to be happy. i want to be content, but more than that. cuz settling wont work for me. i dont want to loose who i am or my luster or passion for life. im just really beginning my life but i want a lot out of it. and im tired of crap.
the end.