ding, revelation
ok so i watched the new season of 'the hills' on mtv and was thinking and such...
besides the fact that some ppl believe that you loose brain cells by watching that show. i watched it trying to learn something. i dont want to come off as being blonde and ditzy. but then again ppl think im emo or closed off cuz of my appearance. just cuz i look good in black does not mean anything. so i like earthy dark colors, so what. it works for me. im tough and such, and maybe that intimidates ppl or something, which is weird cuz once you say hi(at the least) youll see me laugh and smile and realize i dont fit that first impression at all. its weird how ppl percieve you without any knowledge of you.
well back to the hills, i was watching the girls and their lives were partying and fights with their 'so called friends'. yea its drama and such but so irritating. tho i sat and watched it and i was trying to figure out why. i dont want to be like those girls, i want more in life. i like the clothes and such and i want to have ppl in my life and i want to have things on my schedule, not necessarily busy but having a full but happy plate. does that make sense.
and its weird cuz everything is going to change in about two weeks. college will definitely take up some space on my plate. but its strange cuz i felt as if my world had fallen apart recently, all my friends shifting and changing and leaving me, and now i feel like i found my groove again and now im off in a new direction. and dont get me wrong im happy for that. i need a new direction, id be bored as hell if i wasnt going off to college. i dont think i would live long, if i was stuck here. but its cuz of certain reasons. but i found new ppl who i never even tht would be talking to me. its good that it happened because it shows me that i can move on and improve. i can find new friends and adapt to hard. it just proves to myself that im a big kid now.
its just weird that i never saw these ppl as whom i tht to be in my life until now. i kinda shifted where i was looking.
i also found out how when youre not in a situation you things a whole hell of a lot differently. i never saw things the way i do now. time does heal wounds. i dont think im mad any more. fuck that shit. im moving on. im older and now can say i have experienced just a little more and got a bruise or two but i learned a lesson, so i wont make that mistake again. i just hope it didnt harden me. but from my actions i dont think it has. it has just made me more honest and just accepting of things. i dont really care if my opinion isnt accepted or understood, its still what i think. im gonna be the way i feel when i want to. thats not selfish just accepting of who i am. and i like that. this is good.
i want to love like i was never hurt. i want to just live life the way i think its supposed to be, and be ok with the results. i dont think im ever gonna settle. and teens or college peeps say that but it dies as time rolls by, but i really want to live by this idea. cuz settling means, accepting low standards, i want to be content but i also want to be happy. settling seems like giving up and i do NOT want to give up ever, cuz then id just die.
i hope that my mind wanders on intelligent thts. i find it odd that guys end up talking about politics and debating, at the end of the day. which i think is ironic. i love having intelligent conversations, and its not like i dont, but sometimes the conversation lingers on 'he did this, she said what?' and that is just not enough for my brain cells. i really enjoy spending time with guy friends. i hope i gain some more and learn a few lessons from them too. the opposite sex is completely confusing. girls are complex, yes, but guys i think i want to understand them a bit more, not to find a bf or anything but just to be a bit more mellow and gain a few habits(not the lack of cleanlyness, or disgusting ones) just the good ones...
light bulbs go off when its 3 in the morning. huh,
i like figuring out things. ppl are just weird, making stuff out of nothing. life is there and needs to be lived! hell-0 i need to listen to my own advice, that would be a smart thing to do. :P
besides the fact that some ppl believe that you loose brain cells by watching that show. i watched it trying to learn something. i dont want to come off as being blonde and ditzy. but then again ppl think im emo or closed off cuz of my appearance. just cuz i look good in black does not mean anything. so i like earthy dark colors, so what. it works for me. im tough and such, and maybe that intimidates ppl or something, which is weird cuz once you say hi(at the least) youll see me laugh and smile and realize i dont fit that first impression at all. its weird how ppl percieve you without any knowledge of you.
well back to the hills, i was watching the girls and their lives were partying and fights with their 'so called friends'. yea its drama and such but so irritating. tho i sat and watched it and i was trying to figure out why. i dont want to be like those girls, i want more in life. i like the clothes and such and i want to have ppl in my life and i want to have things on my schedule, not necessarily busy but having a full but happy plate. does that make sense.
and its weird cuz everything is going to change in about two weeks. college will definitely take up some space on my plate. but its strange cuz i felt as if my world had fallen apart recently, all my friends shifting and changing and leaving me, and now i feel like i found my groove again and now im off in a new direction. and dont get me wrong im happy for that. i need a new direction, id be bored as hell if i wasnt going off to college. i dont think i would live long, if i was stuck here. but its cuz of certain reasons. but i found new ppl who i never even tht would be talking to me. its good that it happened because it shows me that i can move on and improve. i can find new friends and adapt to hard. it just proves to myself that im a big kid now.
its just weird that i never saw these ppl as whom i tht to be in my life until now. i kinda shifted where i was looking.
i also found out how when youre not in a situation you things a whole hell of a lot differently. i never saw things the way i do now. time does heal wounds. i dont think im mad any more. fuck that shit. im moving on. im older and now can say i have experienced just a little more and got a bruise or two but i learned a lesson, so i wont make that mistake again. i just hope it didnt harden me. but from my actions i dont think it has. it has just made me more honest and just accepting of things. i dont really care if my opinion isnt accepted or understood, its still what i think. im gonna be the way i feel when i want to. thats not selfish just accepting of who i am. and i like that. this is good.
i want to love like i was never hurt. i want to just live life the way i think its supposed to be, and be ok with the results. i dont think im ever gonna settle. and teens or college peeps say that but it dies as time rolls by, but i really want to live by this idea. cuz settling means, accepting low standards, i want to be content but i also want to be happy. settling seems like giving up and i do NOT want to give up ever, cuz then id just die.
i hope that my mind wanders on intelligent thts. i find it odd that guys end up talking about politics and debating, at the end of the day. which i think is ironic. i love having intelligent conversations, and its not like i dont, but sometimes the conversation lingers on 'he did this, she said what?' and that is just not enough for my brain cells. i really enjoy spending time with guy friends. i hope i gain some more and learn a few lessons from them too. the opposite sex is completely confusing. girls are complex, yes, but guys i think i want to understand them a bit more, not to find a bf or anything but just to be a bit more mellow and gain a few habits(not the lack of cleanlyness, or disgusting ones) just the good ones...
light bulbs go off when its 3 in the morning. huh,
i like figuring out things. ppl are just weird, making stuff out of nothing. life is there and needs to be lived! hell-0 i need to listen to my own advice, that would be a smart thing to do. :P