And Again I Wait

[notsolaura]

I am not so much sad. Not really here to complain. Just here. Just here as I just feel. Nothing special or specific. I just feel. Perhaps it is everything and perhaps it is nothing. Indeterminable. I suppose. I am more confused... maybe, or not at all, I suppose the word would be... afraid. Afraid of what my winding road ahead of me contains. All of it's contents frighten me. Even though I haven't touched them yet. Hmm... and if they are intangible to begin with my fear undoubtedly is magnified. Indeed it is fearing what I have no control over. And currently I only have control of my self (body, mind). Though notice soul is not included, and neither is my heart. Oh how I dream of the day I can control my heart. My own heart. Not the heart of others. That should be their journey to attempt to control. Unless control is what fears them most. Mine is lack of control. Things that happen because of fate NOT because I told them to, or wish them to. That my friends is not fair. That is the very thing I fear. Not having the capability (Power if you will) to make it my own. To mold and play as I please. Not saying I would keep it on a shelf, but I would definitely decide whose hands touch it. Only to know it is mine to decide. "A dream is a wish your heart makes" Oh what a sophisticated thing to quote. But for me it is not real. I love to sleep because I can dream. Does that imply that my heart has quite a bit to say? My issue, I cannot control my heart. What will become of me after you?

Don't leave me.

This week has been divine.

You are divine.