(no subject)
Heather and I have been buying and watching the One Tree Hill series. Normally I would not be interested in the melodrama high school tv shows that claim to depict real life and real life situations. And granted I admit to the outrageous extremities these shows go to for viewing participation can be captivating and suspenseful, but they remain just that. However I am finding this show to not only depict real life (for the most part) but it has also tapped into my subconscious disturbing my mistakes, tragedies, love, loss and insecurities of my overly eventful past. Digging so deep into the holes I have attempted to fill with the simple knowledge of "if I bury it and never think about it, it won't rule me".
It's awful when you feel you can't cry in your own home. Strength is expected and demanded. And if it is not met to a certain standard the questions of depression and anxiety are brought up. I am not a sad person generally, but I do hurt and I do have feelings. Some that surpass the norm. Why can't it just be the year 2000 again? And knowing what I know now.
I dreamt of you last night. Of the past, present and future. In the past I revealed my untimely mistakes. Had I thought just a few minutes sooner about you instead of myself you would still be here for me when I need you. In the present, your absence. And the future, well you weren't in it at all. Expect for how you made me feel so small. Losing you was the hardest thing I've ever been through. And I don't know who's fault it is.
Have you ever had someones scent on something and slept with it every night because they are gone and one day you realize its not their scent any more, it's yours. And you try everything possible to get it back to the way it was but it's gone. And you realize you've lost it forever?
I am genuinely thankful for the people in my life. I have the most loving and supportive friends. Without them, I would be lost.
M.P.
It's awful when you feel you can't cry in your own home. Strength is expected and demanded. And if it is not met to a certain standard the questions of depression and anxiety are brought up. I am not a sad person generally, but I do hurt and I do have feelings. Some that surpass the norm. Why can't it just be the year 2000 again? And knowing what I know now.
I dreamt of you last night. Of the past, present and future. In the past I revealed my untimely mistakes. Had I thought just a few minutes sooner about you instead of myself you would still be here for me when I need you. In the present, your absence. And the future, well you weren't in it at all. Expect for how you made me feel so small. Losing you was the hardest thing I've ever been through. And I don't know who's fault it is.
Have you ever had someones scent on something and slept with it every night because they are gone and one day you realize its not their scent any more, it's yours. And you try everything possible to get it back to the way it was but it's gone. And you realize you've lost it forever?
I am genuinely thankful for the people in my life. I have the most loving and supportive friends. Without them, I would be lost.
M.P.