[sunday_reveries]
(Set in Shelter. Flack is and_dontgetcute, Danny is i_dont_cuddle, Jay is bdifferent, Haley is hel_hathnofury, and Lucy is an NPC revised slightly from canon. Warning for sexual content ahead.)
I have been alone for a very long time. I'm locked up in a room and I can't get out. Because I've been locked up in this room so long whatever desires are arising in me are rampaging around everywhere as wild and fierce and monstrous as gigantic starving jungle beasts." ~Kathy Acker
"Mo-mmy! Time to go to Daddy's!"
Lindsay sighed and finished packing her daughter's weekend bag. "I know, honey, we're going."
"And Daddy is lettin' Haley come sleepover!" Lucy was spinning around the bedroom. Lindsay had to smile.
"Are you two going to be good?"
"Mayybe."
"Try that again?"
"Yes, we'll be good."
"Okay," Lindsay stood after zipping the bag. "Now we can go."
"Yayyy!" The seven year old girl ran to the front door of the small two bedroom apartment, and Lindsay followed. She sighed deeply. She loved Lucy spending time with her father and Jay, and she did like having the time to relax on her own, but she still found those weekends incredibly lonely. Even more so as of late, and she wasn't so sure why.
***
"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" The moment the door opened, Lucy launched herself at Danny. He caught her with a grin and picked her up, kissing her cheek.
"Hi, sweetheart."
Jay met Lindsay at the door and Lindsay handed her the bag. "Good luck tonight," Lindsay smirked.
Jay sighed. "I love those girls, but together they can be trouble."
"Don't know who you're talkin' 'bout," Flack said, appearing behind Lindsay with Haley in his arm. "My girl's a perfect angel."
Lindsay snorted and he gave her a look. Haley wriggled against him to get down, so he put her down and watched her run over to Danny and Lucy. Best friend arrival meant Lucy had enough hellos with Daddy for the moment, and she struggled away from him. She too was let go and both girls went running for Lucy's bedroom, giggling and whispering.
"Not a kiss, not a hug - not an 'I'll miss you, Daddy'." Flack was almost pouting.
"Tell me about it," Danny smirked.
"Get used to it guys," Lindsay sighed.
"No," they both said at the same time. Jay and Lindsay laughed.
Lindsay rubbed her forehead. "I gotta get going, it's been a long week. Have fun with the girls, and I'll be by Sunday for Luce." She kissed Danny's cheek, then Jay's, then gave Flack's arm a squeeze as she headed back for the door.
"Get some rest, Linds," Danny called after her.
"Guess I'll be goin', too." Flack said, handing off Haley's bag. "Call if y'need to." He turned towards the hallway back to the bedrooms. "Bye, Haley!"
"Bye!" Her voice floated back.
He shook his head and turned to follow Lindsay. "Wait up, I'll walk out with ya."
The door was shut behind them after goodbyes, and the two made their way for the elevator. "You get used to it," Lindsay said, pressing the button.
"Get used to what?"
She raised her brows, knowing what he was feeling. "It's not about them not loving us or wanting to get away, they're just excited. I'm lucky if I get a 'bye Mommy' when I drop her off."
He glanced down at her and sighed. "Yeah..I know..but what happened to my little girl who cried bloody murder whenever I tried to leave her somewhere?"
Lindsay linked her arm through his and pulled him onto the elevator. "They're growing up, we're getting old and uncool." She leaned against his shoulder as the elevator descended.
He looked over at her again. "You okay, Linds?"
"Yeah," she nodded. "Just..." she shrugged, unsure how to finish the sentence.
He nodded and patted her arm. "I'll take ya home."
"Thanks," she smiled, happy for the company.
***
"Wanna come up for a beer?" She asked him as they reached the apartment.
"Sure. Don't have much else to do."
"Good."
She led the way upstairs and into the apartment, heading right into the kitchen. He followed and stood against the counter as she leaned into the fridge for two beers. She handed one back to him and stood across from him as she opened hers. He started drinking his and they both stood there quietly for awhile.
"So..gonna tell me what's botherin' you?" He asked.
She smiled slightly. "It's nothing. Really."
"Ya sure?"
"Yes, Flack. I'm sure." She turned and headed into the living room to sit down, and he followed.
"Wanna play some cards?" He grabbed a deck of cards he saw sitting around and brought them over to the coffee table.
Lindsay laughed. "Old Maid?"
He frowned at her. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Monroe," he teased, knowing perfectly well the card game he was holding onto. He sat down across from her and started dealing the cards.
***
Several empty beer bottles were abandoned on the table, and the cards were pushed aside. Lindsay sat back on the couch, her head back with her eyes closed. Flack sat beside her, just relaxing and holding onto his beer. Lindsay turned her head to look at him and sighed.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," he nodded and looked over at her.
"You ever find it hard? Just being a parent?"
He frowned. "Whaddya mean?"
"I mean...without another adult there. Without..the dating scene. Just...being a single parent."
He thought that over for awhile, then shrugged. "Sure...but it's how it is. I'm on my own, so I gotta take care of her best I can. The rest can wait."
"Yeah, I agree," she said softly, looking away. She blinked, her eyes threatening to water a bit.
He continued watching her and sat up a bit. "Linds...you okay? What's wrong?"
"It's stupid," she laughed, wiping her eyes.
"I can deal with stupid."
She looked over at him and met his eyes. She knew he wasn't giving anything off, but she could almost feel that pull they once had around each other. The one that had been ignored and left unknown. Which, really, she was grateful for. It led her to have Lucy, but still...she felt a flicker of it there. Even if it was only on her end. Or maybe she was just that lonely.
"I...sometimes get...tired of being alone. I see Danny and Jay and...I love them both, but...I wonder why I can't have that, you know?"
He sighed deeply, just keeping his eyes on her. His hand fell to her shoulders gently. "You say that like it'll never happen."
She shrugged. "Sometimes it feels that way. Don't get me wrong..I love being a mom. I love Lucy, and I wouldn't trade our life for anything, but..." She wiped her eyes again, feeling ridiculous. "Sometimes I miss having someone. One or two dates over the years doesn't exactly fill any holes."
Flack chewed his lip a bit as he listened. He didn't like seeing her upset like this, and he understood what she was saying, but he had no idea how to reply. So he just rubbed her back a bit and sat there.
Lindsay picked up her beer and took a long pull on it, then breathed slowly and tried to pull herself together. "Sorry," she said softly. "Also tend to forget what it's like to have another adult around to talk to."
"Don't worry 'bout it," he shrugged.
She finished her beer and set the bottle down, suddenly feeling pretty fuzzy and warm. She wasn't quite sure how many she had had. She sat back, feeling his hand against her back still. Something came over her, and she had no idea where it came from or why. She looked at him, her head tilted slightly.
Before he could ask her what she was thinking, or say anything, her hand was finding his cheek and she was closing the space between them to kiss him softly.
He was caught off guard, but didn't pull away just yet. He kissed her softly, then pulled back. "Lindsay.."
She kept her eyes closed, not so sure that she wanted to see how he was looking at her. "Just be close to me," she murmured, her hand dropping to hold his shirt tightly.
"Lindsay..." his breath was a little hard at that point. "You know I can't.."
"I'm not asking you to...just right here, right now..." She finally did open her eyes to him. "I know there was something there a long time ago...and we didn't...just tonight, Don." Her hand loosened on his shirt and she touched his chest gently. "Don't you miss that feeling?"
His eyes closed and he sighed. "Yeah," he said softly. "But.."
"Have you never once wanted me?"
A soft groan sounded in his throat. "That was a long time ago. I can't-"
"Then stop over thinking it," she murmured. She gently let herself slide over onto his lap and moved her hands around the back of his neck. She could feel him leaning into her. "Just one night won't make you a terrible father."
He looked her in the eye, his hands moving for her hips. When she felt the slightest of pulls on his part, she leaned in again and found his lips with hers. It took him a moment or two, but soon he was meeting her, and as he did she deepened it.
She moaned lightly as her arms tightened around his neck, she could already feel herself melting into his arms. This was what she needed. To be close to someone. To feel arms around her. To feel wanted. And she could definitely feel him wanting her.
Her hips pushed into his and his hands clenched tighter around her with a groan. As their lips worked, almost desperately, her hands ran down his chest and slipped under his t-shirt. She pushed her hands up, pulling his shirt with, and pulled back just long enough to get the shirt over his head.
His lips moved against her neck and she leaned into him. She could feel his hands sliding around her waist and starting to undo the button on her jeans. Her forehead fell to his shoulder and she cried out softly as his fingers slipped gently between her legs.
She couldn't do anything but sit there and push against his hand for the moment. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as she whimpered softly. He turned his head to find her mouth again and kissed her slowly. After a moment or two, her hands moved for his fly and she started undoing it. She could feel his hips tense beneath her as she made her way through the layers.
His hands came up a moment to pull her shirt over her head, and he leaned in to brush his lips across her chest.
"Don.." she gasped. He started to move under her and shift her back onto the couch, but she shook her head. "Not here."
It didn't take him long at all to get to his feet and lift her up to head back to the bedroom. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she leaned in to kiss him again. When they got to her bedroom, he dropped her back on the bed and made quick work of the rest of their clothing, before leaning in over her.
***
He held her again his chest, and rubbed her back slowly, his fingers pulling through her hair. She sighed and curled up against him.
"Thank you," she whispered.
His arms tightened around her and he kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, too," he replied. "Get some sleep, okay?"
"You'll stay?"
"Not goin' anywhere tonight," he murmured sleepily.
"Okay," she sighed, slowly drifting off to a peaceful sleep.
1893
I have been alone for a very long time. I'm locked up in a room and I can't get out. Because I've been locked up in this room so long whatever desires are arising in me are rampaging around everywhere as wild and fierce and monstrous as gigantic starving jungle beasts." ~Kathy Acker
"Mo-mmy! Time to go to Daddy's!"
Lindsay sighed and finished packing her daughter's weekend bag. "I know, honey, we're going."
"And Daddy is lettin' Haley come sleepover!" Lucy was spinning around the bedroom. Lindsay had to smile.
"Are you two going to be good?"
"Mayybe."
"Try that again?"
"Yes, we'll be good."
"Okay," Lindsay stood after zipping the bag. "Now we can go."
"Yayyy!" The seven year old girl ran to the front door of the small two bedroom apartment, and Lindsay followed. She sighed deeply. She loved Lucy spending time with her father and Jay, and she did like having the time to relax on her own, but she still found those weekends incredibly lonely. Even more so as of late, and she wasn't so sure why.
***
"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" The moment the door opened, Lucy launched herself at Danny. He caught her with a grin and picked her up, kissing her cheek.
"Hi, sweetheart."
Jay met Lindsay at the door and Lindsay handed her the bag. "Good luck tonight," Lindsay smirked.
Jay sighed. "I love those girls, but together they can be trouble."
"Don't know who you're talkin' 'bout," Flack said, appearing behind Lindsay with Haley in his arm. "My girl's a perfect angel."
Lindsay snorted and he gave her a look. Haley wriggled against him to get down, so he put her down and watched her run over to Danny and Lucy. Best friend arrival meant Lucy had enough hellos with Daddy for the moment, and she struggled away from him. She too was let go and both girls went running for Lucy's bedroom, giggling and whispering.
"Not a kiss, not a hug - not an 'I'll miss you, Daddy'." Flack was almost pouting.
"Tell me about it," Danny smirked.
"Get used to it guys," Lindsay sighed.
"No," they both said at the same time. Jay and Lindsay laughed.
Lindsay rubbed her forehead. "I gotta get going, it's been a long week. Have fun with the girls, and I'll be by Sunday for Luce." She kissed Danny's cheek, then Jay's, then gave Flack's arm a squeeze as she headed back for the door.
"Get some rest, Linds," Danny called after her.
"Guess I'll be goin', too." Flack said, handing off Haley's bag. "Call if y'need to." He turned towards the hallway back to the bedrooms. "Bye, Haley!"
"Bye!" Her voice floated back.
He shook his head and turned to follow Lindsay. "Wait up, I'll walk out with ya."
The door was shut behind them after goodbyes, and the two made their way for the elevator. "You get used to it," Lindsay said, pressing the button.
"Get used to what?"
She raised her brows, knowing what he was feeling. "It's not about them not loving us or wanting to get away, they're just excited. I'm lucky if I get a 'bye Mommy' when I drop her off."
He glanced down at her and sighed. "Yeah..I know..but what happened to my little girl who cried bloody murder whenever I tried to leave her somewhere?"
Lindsay linked her arm through his and pulled him onto the elevator. "They're growing up, we're getting old and uncool." She leaned against his shoulder as the elevator descended.
He looked over at her again. "You okay, Linds?"
"Yeah," she nodded. "Just..." she shrugged, unsure how to finish the sentence.
He nodded and patted her arm. "I'll take ya home."
"Thanks," she smiled, happy for the company.
***
"Wanna come up for a beer?" She asked him as they reached the apartment.
"Sure. Don't have much else to do."
"Good."
She led the way upstairs and into the apartment, heading right into the kitchen. He followed and stood against the counter as she leaned into the fridge for two beers. She handed one back to him and stood across from him as she opened hers. He started drinking his and they both stood there quietly for awhile.
"So..gonna tell me what's botherin' you?" He asked.
She smiled slightly. "It's nothing. Really."
"Ya sure?"
"Yes, Flack. I'm sure." She turned and headed into the living room to sit down, and he followed.
"Wanna play some cards?" He grabbed a deck of cards he saw sitting around and brought them over to the coffee table.
Lindsay laughed. "Old Maid?"
He frowned at her. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Monroe," he teased, knowing perfectly well the card game he was holding onto. He sat down across from her and started dealing the cards.
***
Several empty beer bottles were abandoned on the table, and the cards were pushed aside. Lindsay sat back on the couch, her head back with her eyes closed. Flack sat beside her, just relaxing and holding onto his beer. Lindsay turned her head to look at him and sighed.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," he nodded and looked over at her.
"You ever find it hard? Just being a parent?"
He frowned. "Whaddya mean?"
"I mean...without another adult there. Without..the dating scene. Just...being a single parent."
He thought that over for awhile, then shrugged. "Sure...but it's how it is. I'm on my own, so I gotta take care of her best I can. The rest can wait."
"Yeah, I agree," she said softly, looking away. She blinked, her eyes threatening to water a bit.
He continued watching her and sat up a bit. "Linds...you okay? What's wrong?"
"It's stupid," she laughed, wiping her eyes.
"I can deal with stupid."
She looked over at him and met his eyes. She knew he wasn't giving anything off, but she could almost feel that pull they once had around each other. The one that had been ignored and left unknown. Which, really, she was grateful for. It led her to have Lucy, but still...she felt a flicker of it there. Even if it was only on her end. Or maybe she was just that lonely.
"I...sometimes get...tired of being alone. I see Danny and Jay and...I love them both, but...I wonder why I can't have that, you know?"
He sighed deeply, just keeping his eyes on her. His hand fell to her shoulders gently. "You say that like it'll never happen."
She shrugged. "Sometimes it feels that way. Don't get me wrong..I love being a mom. I love Lucy, and I wouldn't trade our life for anything, but..." She wiped her eyes again, feeling ridiculous. "Sometimes I miss having someone. One or two dates over the years doesn't exactly fill any holes."
Flack chewed his lip a bit as he listened. He didn't like seeing her upset like this, and he understood what she was saying, but he had no idea how to reply. So he just rubbed her back a bit and sat there.
Lindsay picked up her beer and took a long pull on it, then breathed slowly and tried to pull herself together. "Sorry," she said softly. "Also tend to forget what it's like to have another adult around to talk to."
"Don't worry 'bout it," he shrugged.
She finished her beer and set the bottle down, suddenly feeling pretty fuzzy and warm. She wasn't quite sure how many she had had. She sat back, feeling his hand against her back still. Something came over her, and she had no idea where it came from or why. She looked at him, her head tilted slightly.
Before he could ask her what she was thinking, or say anything, her hand was finding his cheek and she was closing the space between them to kiss him softly.
He was caught off guard, but didn't pull away just yet. He kissed her softly, then pulled back. "Lindsay.."
She kept her eyes closed, not so sure that she wanted to see how he was looking at her. "Just be close to me," she murmured, her hand dropping to hold his shirt tightly.
"Lindsay..." his breath was a little hard at that point. "You know I can't.."
"I'm not asking you to...just right here, right now..." She finally did open her eyes to him. "I know there was something there a long time ago...and we didn't...just tonight, Don." Her hand loosened on his shirt and she touched his chest gently. "Don't you miss that feeling?"
His eyes closed and he sighed. "Yeah," he said softly. "But.."
"Have you never once wanted me?"
A soft groan sounded in his throat. "That was a long time ago. I can't-"
"Then stop over thinking it," she murmured. She gently let herself slide over onto his lap and moved her hands around the back of his neck. She could feel him leaning into her. "Just one night won't make you a terrible father."
He looked her in the eye, his hands moving for her hips. When she felt the slightest of pulls on his part, she leaned in again and found his lips with hers. It took him a moment or two, but soon he was meeting her, and as he did she deepened it.
She moaned lightly as her arms tightened around his neck, she could already feel herself melting into his arms. This was what she needed. To be close to someone. To feel arms around her. To feel wanted. And she could definitely feel him wanting her.
Her hips pushed into his and his hands clenched tighter around her with a groan. As their lips worked, almost desperately, her hands ran down his chest and slipped under his t-shirt. She pushed her hands up, pulling his shirt with, and pulled back just long enough to get the shirt over his head.
His lips moved against her neck and she leaned into him. She could feel his hands sliding around her waist and starting to undo the button on her jeans. Her forehead fell to his shoulder and she cried out softly as his fingers slipped gently between her legs.
She couldn't do anything but sit there and push against his hand for the moment. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as she whimpered softly. He turned his head to find her mouth again and kissed her slowly. After a moment or two, her hands moved for his fly and she started undoing it. She could feel his hips tense beneath her as she made her way through the layers.
His hands came up a moment to pull her shirt over her head, and he leaned in to brush his lips across her chest.
"Don.." she gasped. He started to move under her and shift her back onto the couch, but she shook her head. "Not here."
It didn't take him long at all to get to his feet and lift her up to head back to the bedroom. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she leaned in to kiss him again. When they got to her bedroom, he dropped her back on the bed and made quick work of the rest of their clothing, before leaning in over her.
***
He held her again his chest, and rubbed her back slowly, his fingers pulling through her hair. She sighed and curled up against him.
"Thank you," she whispered.
His arms tightened around her and he kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, too," he replied. "Get some sleep, okay?"
"You'll stay?"
"Not goin' anywhere tonight," he murmured sleepily.
"Okay," she sighed, slowly drifting off to a peaceful sleep.
1893