musesandlyrics | 2.5. Mick Jagger quote
2.5. "It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back."
Mick Jagger
Co-written with asinthecity
[Follows THIS and THIS]
"TAB!" Luke called as soon as he pushed his way in the front door of his city apartment. He had the door propped open with his hip as he grunted softly, manoeuvring the baby buggy inside and trying not to drop the heavy bag of presents slung over his back and the full pink baby bag over one arm. He was absolutely buggered trying to lug all three up the stairs to the apartment, and now Jamie was doing that small whimpering thing which could mean she needed a fresh nappy or was about to start bawling. He really hoped it was just a nappy change because he was already stressed out and he wasn't sure he could handle hearing the baby girl upset too.
He lugged the bags into the apartment and dumped them both onto the sofa. Man, this place felt small. It had been so long since he lived here, and after living at Riley's house in Princeton, which was large and family-friendly, this place felt like a cupboard. He still loved the place, but he had gotten used to having space, and even being in a full house. Even though the place in Princeton was large, some days he didn't even see Riley or Evie when he had busy days at the bar and they had weird shifts at work. The four of them seemed to work well, and he found himself relieved they were only stopping temporarily at his old New York digs. Only, he didn't know how temporary it would be if Andrew's state was anything to go by. If he needed help with Jamie right then, he might need more as they recuperated after the loss.
Tab skipped out of the bedroom where she'd been trying to settle back in, and rushed in to scoop Jamie out of Luke's arms as she grinned. "Hey, baby! Do we get to look after you? We're so lucky..." Tab blinked as she looked at Jamie's face. "She's doing the lip thing? Why's she doing the lip thing?" Tab moved her hand to check Jamie's nappy and frowned. She couldn't really feel it wet, or full. She cuddled Jamie close, and started to rock her as she looked at Luke. "Lucky Leila didn't need to have her arm twisted to stay at Rob's tonight. She might not have enjoyed our extra guest. Are Andy and Ali, okay?"
Luke rubbed at his shoulders and stretched now that his arms were free. "I think she's going to cry," he said helplessly. "But I don't know why. I didn't get that far in my analysis. She might be hungry or tired. Maybe just pissed off being shipped from pillar to post, but I had to. Andrew asked me to take her for the night. He's not... they're not..." He shook his head, letting out a heavy breath in a rush. "They're not good. Andrew wasn't good to start with, but Ali was acting like everything was fine. Then she said Andrew should open his presents, and he rolled with it but they got to this package that had all these baby things in it and stuff about him being a Dad. Ali just walked out, so Andrew asked if we could screen all the presents." He pointed to the large bag on the sofa.
Tab raised her eyebrows as she turned to look at the bag. She had to bite her lip as she got a guilty look on her face. "It's not meant to be a fun job, is it? The present thing..." She touched her fingers to Jamie's hair and gave the little girl a smile as she hummed a few bars of a song she had stuck in her head. "Shit, I can't even imagine how she must be feeling. I'm not sure I would have gone for normal... Poor Andy finding that baby stuff. Who gave it to them?"
Luke shook his head. "No idea. It was a paramedic stuff, so I assume someone from his work. It's in there somewhere. He shoved it back in the box out of sight. I mean, no one knew what was going to happen, right? Hell, I even contemplated getting him something baby related for his birthday. He was just so happy and excited about it. He was showing me these booties the other day that they bought because they were cute. They were thinking about names and everything. For all we know, every second present in there could be baby related. I can't even tell how he really is beyond devastated. He said Ali doesn't want him touching her, but I didn't know exactly what he meant by that. She came back into the room." He went over to Tab and brushed his fingers through Jamie's hair. "I'm just finding it strange. It was strange to think Andy was going to be a Dad, let alone the fact his baby died. It's Andy. I can't even contemplate it. Was Leila okay when she left?"
Tab dipped her head to kiss Jamie's forehead, trying to think of what was making her lip wobble. It was seeming to ease now, but Tab still didn't want her to start up. She wasn't sure Luke could take it. Tab leaned in to give him a kiss as well. "I know, smexy. It's hard. I just don't understand... Ali was fine. Riley told me what happened, but I just don't get it. Oh man, I hope every second present isn't baby stuff. I might blubber before she does. You're still right. No one knew, so why wouldn't they get Andy baby stuff? Leila was fine. She was concerned about Andy. She doesn't want him to fall into that hole again."
Luke kissed her back softly and then pushed his hand through his hair. Jamie was starting to wriggle a little in Tab's arm, starting with the 'Da da' thing again. Only this time there was no reaching like she did with Andy back in the apartment, just looking around with her big baby eyes and wobbly lip like she knew exactly that he wasn't there anymore. Luke found himself nearly wanting to do the lip wobble himself as he watched her. He rubbed her back to try and soothe her. "Daddy will be back tomorrow, sweetie. We'll have fun tonight." He looked helplessly at Tab, hoping she had some ideas about entertaining a sad baby girl. "I don't know if he might already be falling. Only he's home with Ali, so he should be okay. I think he just doesn't feel like he can talk to her. I guess maybe it's similar to how you felt with Riley? Have you got any suggestions how I can help? Last time, he just shut me out."
Tab pulled her mouth to the side. "Well, with Riley I usually just curl up with him. I don't think you and Andy are the curling up types. Maybe you can just help without him needing to ask? I don't know. Taking Jamie was a good idea. Otherwise you could maybe sit with him... see if he'll talk." Tab tried to get a better hold on Jamie, humming again. "Maybe you and Leila need to be with him for some cousin time? You can't exactly get him drunk, but maybe you can think of a substitute?"
Luke sat down in one of the free chairs, watching his wife with the baby. She really had honed her baby skills after spending more and more time with RJ, and often with Jamie too. "These are the times I feel useless. I wonder if he just needs to break to grieve. He's trying to hold it all in for Ali, but I think he just wants to be with her and hurt with her. She told him she didn't even want the baby and she was glad it happened. I don't know how I would try to swallow something like that. Even if it's not true, it couldn't have hurt any less to hear. Maybe I can get her friends to stay with her while Leila and I get Andy away for a bit?"
"He probably does want to hurt with Ali but how's he supposed to if she's not admitting to her hurt?" Tab made a face, her expression twisting. "She really said that? How is he even breathing still? That would definitely be salt in the wounds. It might take her friends to help her realise, same as it might help Andy being with you two. Her friends might be willing to risk her hating them for saying things, where as Andy probably won't want to be the one to break her. So I think it's a good idea."
Luke nearly laughed when Jamie started to watch Tab's face and then reached up to grab her lips. The little girl had always been curious. Next step would probably be Tab's nose or a baby finger in the eyeball. He pressed his lips together but did laugh a little. "What if he doesn't want to? Do I just barge in there any way?" he asked.
Tab looked down at Jamie, for a moment eying her suspiciously like the baby might try and suck her face off. After a moment she gave Jamie her finger to play with, hoping to distract her from her face. Tab wouldn't deny Jamie's curiosity, but she still didn't want her face sucked. "Yeah, I think you do. Riley was in too bad a place to know what was good for him, remember? Andy's lost his unborn kid... something he made with Ali. This will be a huge black hole for him. Maybe not father-sized, but pretty close."
"You sing to her and you talk to her. She's trying to figure out how your mouth does it," Luke told her, amused at the way Jamie was watching Tab's lips. "But isn't that invading Ali's territory? See, before, Andrew was alone. I barged in regularly, even when he was boozed up and angry. Yeah, believe it or not, he used to get extremely angry and call me all the names under the sun. He wasn't a very fun drunk, but it was fueled by grief and anger at himself, so it wasn't surprising. You wouldn't pick it in him now. It's why he wanted to stop so desperately. He hated who he was drunk. But my point is, won't Ali think I'm doing what is her job? She might think I don't trust her."
Tab glanced at Luke. "Can she be trusted right now? She's got her own dark hole to be in. If she was doing the freaky normal thing it means she's in denial. She might not be able to help him if she can't face it herself. Isn't that why we also have Jamie tonight? And I can believe it. Andy's warned me, and Leila told me a couple stories. Even you have. You think this is enough to send him back there?" Tab wet her lips as she looked down at Jamie again. "Can't she figure it out without trying to rip my lips off?"
"She doesn't know they're lips. She doesn't know she has lips too. She just knows they move and sound comes out, which is fun. She's at an age where she is starting to learn new things. She only said her first word the other night. She's taking everything in around her." Luke blew out a breath and rested his head back, looking at the ceiling. "I want to say no. I really, really want to say no. He has been sober for so long and he was proud of himself for fighting it. He swore many times he wouldn't drink again. But the look on his face when he saw those baby things, and then Ali just walking numbly out of the room. He was crushed. He keeps looking at her like he wants to reach out for her, but doesn't know if he should. But I couldn't just say to him I was sticking around because I was worried he would drink, could I? That would have been a slap in the face."
"But you do have lips," Tab told Jamie. She ran her finger over them as she made a pout with her own. "See? Lips! You will be able to talk with them soon. I'm not lowering myself to baby talk, so I don't think you should either." Tab moved around, watching Jamie still watch her. "Yeah, it would have. I wish he could reach out to her... He needs her. They need each other, but it's not going to happen if there's something blocking it. I really hope he doesn't fall off the wagon, but I guess we'll see."
Luke lifted his head and smiled at the baby. "She only seems intent to keep saying 'Daddy' over and over again. Says a lot, I think. She might be the key, you know. Losing the baby, it was horrible, because they were excited and it was going to be awesome to complete their family. But she's still here. She's their little girl, she needs them. She forgives everything. They still have their family, they just need to hurt together, as a whole. Not apart like this."
Tab moved closer to him, her brown eyes fixing on her husband. "So do we take her back?"
"No, we don't. He asked me to take care of her. Practically begged me, and now I just have this sick feeling in my gut something is wrong. Maybe he's just sitting at home in a dark corner crying alone. It's not exactly conducive to trying to take care of her. God, I hate this. That baby wasn't supposed to shatter everything, it was supposed to be the final piece of putting him back together," Luke said in frustration. "He was just getting back to how he always used to be."
Tab kissed Jamie's forehead, and sat down beside Luke. "If we don't hear anything in the morning... should we check on them?"
Luke wrapped his fingers around Jamie's little hand. It fit perfectly in his palm, and the contact was enough to draw her attention to him, causing her to bounce up and down a little with a smile in Tab's lap. "I don't know. I might give them a call later, and maybe stay up a little later tonight than usual, just in case. Or maybe I should talk to Leila. I don't bloody know. I feel useless."
Tab turned her head to kiss Luke's cheek, before resting her head on his shoulder as she looked down at Jamie, bouncing her knees. She really was getting over the fear of babies, but more because she could do the aunty thing. She still wasn't ready for one of her own. Just knew it wasn't the end of the world if she did wind up with one. "You're not useless, but then again, you're not alone in feeling it. We all are, I think. Until we know what they need."
Jamie leaned over to wrap her drooly mouth around Luke's finger. It didn't bother him. He was used to baby drool, especially with RJ of late. Whatever he could get in his mouth, went in his mouth. Bets were already on as to whether that meant he might be gay, much to the amusement of the bunch. "Losing a baby... I can't even imagine it. I think as far as Ali and Andrew we concerned, they were already picturing the new one like Jamie in their head. It was already their child. They just had to wait a little longer to meet them. That's why I think it's cut so deep. It wasn't just a miscarriage. They had time to accept it, and want it, and love it. To wonder what they would name it, and what colour eyes or hair it would have. It was a baby, and then they lost it. Maybe I should go back over there?" He stopped and growled softly in frustration. "No, I shouldn't. Andrew's nearly married now. I need to realise that."
Tab frowned. "I still run to Riley, and he's married. I don't think it matters. You're practically Andy's brother, and he's going to need his family. Ali will, too."
"I don't know what to do," Luke admitted with a frown. "I guess I'll just wait for a little while. We can get Jamie to bed and take care of her. Then I might just give him a call to see how he is."
Tab lifted her head and smiled softly at him. "That's probably a better plan. Just sit for a bit. You've only just left him. Besides, I might not have a mouth left if you leave me along with Jamie. Really want to be married to a lipless freak?"
"I wouldn't worry. She's moved on from the lips to suck my hand off. At least she's generous with her time," Luke joked, feeling how Jamie was rubbing her gums on his knuckle. "She must be teething. Here's hoping she doesn't turn to condoms like RJ."
Tab made a face. "We better make sure there aren't any lying around. Does she have a ring, or something?"
Luke nodded and reached tiredly for the baby bag. "Yeah, she does. She had it back at the apartment. It's got a pink dolphin or a banana on it or something. She chews on the sippy cup, too." He started to drag all the baby things out of the bag. "I can never get over how much shit fits into these bags. Do they have hidden compartments?"
"Mary Poppins bags," Tab replied with a smirk. "And no, it's just a woman's gift. Fitting endless shit into a bag. You know, if you want to nap I can wake you up in a little while. You're allowed to get rest."
"No, it's alright. I told him I would watch her. I think she's too messed around to just go to sleep if we try to put her to bed too. She'll end up screaming the place down. She seems happy enough at the moment. Sometimes all a baby needs is to know they're not alone... adults need to take a leaf out of their book." Luke adjusted the little collar on Jamie's jumpsuit. "I should call Leila and get her to come over to babysit with the soldier," he added with a smirk.
Tab looked at him. "Why? Are you planning to make Jamie dribble all over the poor guy? Are you okay with him and Leila. I never got a chance to ask."
"Well, I figure if he's planning on sticking around, he needs to take the good with the bad. Jamie dribble is right up there. She's Andy's daughter." Luke shrugged. "Yeah, I'm okay with it. I didn't get much of a chance to talk to him at the party, but Andy did. He said the guy is nice. Kind of formal, but I think he was just nervous in the large group. The poor bastard is probably spooked as all hell now after what happened. But better for him to see first hand what it's like being attached to all of us."
Tab nodded. "Yeah, true. I like him. I think he'll be good for Leila. If you want them to come over, definitely call them. More the merrier, right? Might help us stay up so we can keep up with Jay. I'm exhausted just from watching it all go down."
Luke nodded and then shook his head. "No, we probably shouldn't push the envelope. She's only just met him. What if he decides it's too much hassle? He's coming out of some messy shit himself. He might not want default dramas and get weirded out. Then he might not be a kid guy, and we thrust a baby on him?"
Tab smirked. "Something tells me he'd rather just be with Leila when she needs him, and that includes baby duty. He's probably a family guy, but his ex fucked him over and couldn't give it to him."
"Strange how much of a theme that is in our group. He's going to fit right in," Luke observed wryly.
"Making mistakes is how we learn, isn't it? And it means we got to meet the ones we're meant for. It hurts, but when you meet the right person... makes it all better." Tab leaned forward to kiss Jamie's head. "Just like your mummy and daddy, Jay."
"Until it just stops being better?" Luke asked with a small sigh. "I might need to stick around in New York a bit longer, Lucky Charm. I think my family needs me this time."
Tab looked at him, tilting her head a little. "Do you want me to stay with you?"
Luke laughed. "No, I don't." He smirked at her. "Yeah, of course I do, but only if you want to. It's up to you. I mean, I'll still come to Princeton for the bookwork on the other bar, but I might just hang out here in the city for a couple of weeks. It's not permanent or anything. Just until I can be sure Andy and Ali are back on their feet."
"I want to stay with you," Tab said quietly. "I'll go back when you go back to visit Riley, then we'll just come back to the City to be here for Andy. It's my turn to support you. You did it with me when Riley was... you know. Now I can do it for you."
"Yeah, I know," Luke told her with a smile. "And didn't I say all those times you tried to thank me that I would need you one day too? This is it. I need you. Because if Andy falls, I'm going to need help to help him. Last time, I barely managed."
Tab rest her hand on Jamie's stomach, trying to keep the wiggler in place as she leaned over to give her husband a soft kiss on the lips. "I'll make sure you manage, smexy. I'll be your own personal power supply."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 3,699
Mick Jagger
Co-written with asinthecity
[Follows THIS and THIS]
"TAB!" Luke called as soon as he pushed his way in the front door of his city apartment. He had the door propped open with his hip as he grunted softly, manoeuvring the baby buggy inside and trying not to drop the heavy bag of presents slung over his back and the full pink baby bag over one arm. He was absolutely buggered trying to lug all three up the stairs to the apartment, and now Jamie was doing that small whimpering thing which could mean she needed a fresh nappy or was about to start bawling. He really hoped it was just a nappy change because he was already stressed out and he wasn't sure he could handle hearing the baby girl upset too.
He lugged the bags into the apartment and dumped them both onto the sofa. Man, this place felt small. It had been so long since he lived here, and after living at Riley's house in Princeton, which was large and family-friendly, this place felt like a cupboard. He still loved the place, but he had gotten used to having space, and even being in a full house. Even though the place in Princeton was large, some days he didn't even see Riley or Evie when he had busy days at the bar and they had weird shifts at work. The four of them seemed to work well, and he found himself relieved they were only stopping temporarily at his old New York digs. Only, he didn't know how temporary it would be if Andrew's state was anything to go by. If he needed help with Jamie right then, he might need more as they recuperated after the loss.
Tab skipped out of the bedroom where she'd been trying to settle back in, and rushed in to scoop Jamie out of Luke's arms as she grinned. "Hey, baby! Do we get to look after you? We're so lucky..." Tab blinked as she looked at Jamie's face. "She's doing the lip thing? Why's she doing the lip thing?" Tab moved her hand to check Jamie's nappy and frowned. She couldn't really feel it wet, or full. She cuddled Jamie close, and started to rock her as she looked at Luke. "Lucky Leila didn't need to have her arm twisted to stay at Rob's tonight. She might not have enjoyed our extra guest. Are Andy and Ali, okay?"
Luke rubbed at his shoulders and stretched now that his arms were free. "I think she's going to cry," he said helplessly. "But I don't know why. I didn't get that far in my analysis. She might be hungry or tired. Maybe just pissed off being shipped from pillar to post, but I had to. Andrew asked me to take her for the night. He's not... they're not..." He shook his head, letting out a heavy breath in a rush. "They're not good. Andrew wasn't good to start with, but Ali was acting like everything was fine. Then she said Andrew should open his presents, and he rolled with it but they got to this package that had all these baby things in it and stuff about him being a Dad. Ali just walked out, so Andrew asked if we could screen all the presents." He pointed to the large bag on the sofa.
Tab raised her eyebrows as she turned to look at the bag. She had to bite her lip as she got a guilty look on her face. "It's not meant to be a fun job, is it? The present thing..." She touched her fingers to Jamie's hair and gave the little girl a smile as she hummed a few bars of a song she had stuck in her head. "Shit, I can't even imagine how she must be feeling. I'm not sure I would have gone for normal... Poor Andy finding that baby stuff. Who gave it to them?"
Luke shook his head. "No idea. It was a paramedic stuff, so I assume someone from his work. It's in there somewhere. He shoved it back in the box out of sight. I mean, no one knew what was going to happen, right? Hell, I even contemplated getting him something baby related for his birthday. He was just so happy and excited about it. He was showing me these booties the other day that they bought because they were cute. They were thinking about names and everything. For all we know, every second present in there could be baby related. I can't even tell how he really is beyond devastated. He said Ali doesn't want him touching her, but I didn't know exactly what he meant by that. She came back into the room." He went over to Tab and brushed his fingers through Jamie's hair. "I'm just finding it strange. It was strange to think Andy was going to be a Dad, let alone the fact his baby died. It's Andy. I can't even contemplate it. Was Leila okay when she left?"
Tab dipped her head to kiss Jamie's forehead, trying to think of what was making her lip wobble. It was seeming to ease now, but Tab still didn't want her to start up. She wasn't sure Luke could take it. Tab leaned in to give him a kiss as well. "I know, smexy. It's hard. I just don't understand... Ali was fine. Riley told me what happened, but I just don't get it. Oh man, I hope every second present isn't baby stuff. I might blubber before she does. You're still right. No one knew, so why wouldn't they get Andy baby stuff? Leila was fine. She was concerned about Andy. She doesn't want him to fall into that hole again."
Luke kissed her back softly and then pushed his hand through his hair. Jamie was starting to wriggle a little in Tab's arm, starting with the 'Da da' thing again. Only this time there was no reaching like she did with Andy back in the apartment, just looking around with her big baby eyes and wobbly lip like she knew exactly that he wasn't there anymore. Luke found himself nearly wanting to do the lip wobble himself as he watched her. He rubbed her back to try and soothe her. "Daddy will be back tomorrow, sweetie. We'll have fun tonight." He looked helplessly at Tab, hoping she had some ideas about entertaining a sad baby girl. "I don't know if he might already be falling. Only he's home with Ali, so he should be okay. I think he just doesn't feel like he can talk to her. I guess maybe it's similar to how you felt with Riley? Have you got any suggestions how I can help? Last time, he just shut me out."
Tab pulled her mouth to the side. "Well, with Riley I usually just curl up with him. I don't think you and Andy are the curling up types. Maybe you can just help without him needing to ask? I don't know. Taking Jamie was a good idea. Otherwise you could maybe sit with him... see if he'll talk." Tab tried to get a better hold on Jamie, humming again. "Maybe you and Leila need to be with him for some cousin time? You can't exactly get him drunk, but maybe you can think of a substitute?"
Luke sat down in one of the free chairs, watching his wife with the baby. She really had honed her baby skills after spending more and more time with RJ, and often with Jamie too. "These are the times I feel useless. I wonder if he just needs to break to grieve. He's trying to hold it all in for Ali, but I think he just wants to be with her and hurt with her. She told him she didn't even want the baby and she was glad it happened. I don't know how I would try to swallow something like that. Even if it's not true, it couldn't have hurt any less to hear. Maybe I can get her friends to stay with her while Leila and I get Andy away for a bit?"
"He probably does want to hurt with Ali but how's he supposed to if she's not admitting to her hurt?" Tab made a face, her expression twisting. "She really said that? How is he even breathing still? That would definitely be salt in the wounds. It might take her friends to help her realise, same as it might help Andy being with you two. Her friends might be willing to risk her hating them for saying things, where as Andy probably won't want to be the one to break her. So I think it's a good idea."
Luke nearly laughed when Jamie started to watch Tab's face and then reached up to grab her lips. The little girl had always been curious. Next step would probably be Tab's nose or a baby finger in the eyeball. He pressed his lips together but did laugh a little. "What if he doesn't want to? Do I just barge in there any way?" he asked.
Tab looked down at Jamie, for a moment eying her suspiciously like the baby might try and suck her face off. After a moment she gave Jamie her finger to play with, hoping to distract her from her face. Tab wouldn't deny Jamie's curiosity, but she still didn't want her face sucked. "Yeah, I think you do. Riley was in too bad a place to know what was good for him, remember? Andy's lost his unborn kid... something he made with Ali. This will be a huge black hole for him. Maybe not father-sized, but pretty close."
"You sing to her and you talk to her. She's trying to figure out how your mouth does it," Luke told her, amused at the way Jamie was watching Tab's lips. "But isn't that invading Ali's territory? See, before, Andrew was alone. I barged in regularly, even when he was boozed up and angry. Yeah, believe it or not, he used to get extremely angry and call me all the names under the sun. He wasn't a very fun drunk, but it was fueled by grief and anger at himself, so it wasn't surprising. You wouldn't pick it in him now. It's why he wanted to stop so desperately. He hated who he was drunk. But my point is, won't Ali think I'm doing what is her job? She might think I don't trust her."
Tab glanced at Luke. "Can she be trusted right now? She's got her own dark hole to be in. If she was doing the freaky normal thing it means she's in denial. She might not be able to help him if she can't face it herself. Isn't that why we also have Jamie tonight? And I can believe it. Andy's warned me, and Leila told me a couple stories. Even you have. You think this is enough to send him back there?" Tab wet her lips as she looked down at Jamie again. "Can't she figure it out without trying to rip my lips off?"
"She doesn't know they're lips. She doesn't know she has lips too. She just knows they move and sound comes out, which is fun. She's at an age where she is starting to learn new things. She only said her first word the other night. She's taking everything in around her." Luke blew out a breath and rested his head back, looking at the ceiling. "I want to say no. I really, really want to say no. He has been sober for so long and he was proud of himself for fighting it. He swore many times he wouldn't drink again. But the look on his face when he saw those baby things, and then Ali just walking numbly out of the room. He was crushed. He keeps looking at her like he wants to reach out for her, but doesn't know if he should. But I couldn't just say to him I was sticking around because I was worried he would drink, could I? That would have been a slap in the face."
"But you do have lips," Tab told Jamie. She ran her finger over them as she made a pout with her own. "See? Lips! You will be able to talk with them soon. I'm not lowering myself to baby talk, so I don't think you should either." Tab moved around, watching Jamie still watch her. "Yeah, it would have. I wish he could reach out to her... He needs her. They need each other, but it's not going to happen if there's something blocking it. I really hope he doesn't fall off the wagon, but I guess we'll see."
Luke lifted his head and smiled at the baby. "She only seems intent to keep saying 'Daddy' over and over again. Says a lot, I think. She might be the key, you know. Losing the baby, it was horrible, because they were excited and it was going to be awesome to complete their family. But she's still here. She's their little girl, she needs them. She forgives everything. They still have their family, they just need to hurt together, as a whole. Not apart like this."
Tab moved closer to him, her brown eyes fixing on her husband. "So do we take her back?"
"No, we don't. He asked me to take care of her. Practically begged me, and now I just have this sick feeling in my gut something is wrong. Maybe he's just sitting at home in a dark corner crying alone. It's not exactly conducive to trying to take care of her. God, I hate this. That baby wasn't supposed to shatter everything, it was supposed to be the final piece of putting him back together," Luke said in frustration. "He was just getting back to how he always used to be."
Tab kissed Jamie's forehead, and sat down beside Luke. "If we don't hear anything in the morning... should we check on them?"
Luke wrapped his fingers around Jamie's little hand. It fit perfectly in his palm, and the contact was enough to draw her attention to him, causing her to bounce up and down a little with a smile in Tab's lap. "I don't know. I might give them a call later, and maybe stay up a little later tonight than usual, just in case. Or maybe I should talk to Leila. I don't bloody know. I feel useless."
Tab turned her head to kiss Luke's cheek, before resting her head on his shoulder as she looked down at Jamie, bouncing her knees. She really was getting over the fear of babies, but more because she could do the aunty thing. She still wasn't ready for one of her own. Just knew it wasn't the end of the world if she did wind up with one. "You're not useless, but then again, you're not alone in feeling it. We all are, I think. Until we know what they need."
Jamie leaned over to wrap her drooly mouth around Luke's finger. It didn't bother him. He was used to baby drool, especially with RJ of late. Whatever he could get in his mouth, went in his mouth. Bets were already on as to whether that meant he might be gay, much to the amusement of the bunch. "Losing a baby... I can't even imagine it. I think as far as Ali and Andrew we concerned, they were already picturing the new one like Jamie in their head. It was already their child. They just had to wait a little longer to meet them. That's why I think it's cut so deep. It wasn't just a miscarriage. They had time to accept it, and want it, and love it. To wonder what they would name it, and what colour eyes or hair it would have. It was a baby, and then they lost it. Maybe I should go back over there?" He stopped and growled softly in frustration. "No, I shouldn't. Andrew's nearly married now. I need to realise that."
Tab frowned. "I still run to Riley, and he's married. I don't think it matters. You're practically Andy's brother, and he's going to need his family. Ali will, too."
"I don't know what to do," Luke admitted with a frown. "I guess I'll just wait for a little while. We can get Jamie to bed and take care of her. Then I might just give him a call to see how he is."
Tab lifted her head and smiled softly at him. "That's probably a better plan. Just sit for a bit. You've only just left him. Besides, I might not have a mouth left if you leave me along with Jamie. Really want to be married to a lipless freak?"
"I wouldn't worry. She's moved on from the lips to suck my hand off. At least she's generous with her time," Luke joked, feeling how Jamie was rubbing her gums on his knuckle. "She must be teething. Here's hoping she doesn't turn to condoms like RJ."
Tab made a face. "We better make sure there aren't any lying around. Does she have a ring, or something?"
Luke nodded and reached tiredly for the baby bag. "Yeah, she does. She had it back at the apartment. It's got a pink dolphin or a banana on it or something. She chews on the sippy cup, too." He started to drag all the baby things out of the bag. "I can never get over how much shit fits into these bags. Do they have hidden compartments?"
"Mary Poppins bags," Tab replied with a smirk. "And no, it's just a woman's gift. Fitting endless shit into a bag. You know, if you want to nap I can wake you up in a little while. You're allowed to get rest."
"No, it's alright. I told him I would watch her. I think she's too messed around to just go to sleep if we try to put her to bed too. She'll end up screaming the place down. She seems happy enough at the moment. Sometimes all a baby needs is to know they're not alone... adults need to take a leaf out of their book." Luke adjusted the little collar on Jamie's jumpsuit. "I should call Leila and get her to come over to babysit with the soldier," he added with a smirk.
Tab looked at him. "Why? Are you planning to make Jamie dribble all over the poor guy? Are you okay with him and Leila. I never got a chance to ask."
"Well, I figure if he's planning on sticking around, he needs to take the good with the bad. Jamie dribble is right up there. She's Andy's daughter." Luke shrugged. "Yeah, I'm okay with it. I didn't get much of a chance to talk to him at the party, but Andy did. He said the guy is nice. Kind of formal, but I think he was just nervous in the large group. The poor bastard is probably spooked as all hell now after what happened. But better for him to see first hand what it's like being attached to all of us."
Tab nodded. "Yeah, true. I like him. I think he'll be good for Leila. If you want them to come over, definitely call them. More the merrier, right? Might help us stay up so we can keep up with Jay. I'm exhausted just from watching it all go down."
Luke nodded and then shook his head. "No, we probably shouldn't push the envelope. She's only just met him. What if he decides it's too much hassle? He's coming out of some messy shit himself. He might not want default dramas and get weirded out. Then he might not be a kid guy, and we thrust a baby on him?"
Tab smirked. "Something tells me he'd rather just be with Leila when she needs him, and that includes baby duty. He's probably a family guy, but his ex fucked him over and couldn't give it to him."
"Strange how much of a theme that is in our group. He's going to fit right in," Luke observed wryly.
"Making mistakes is how we learn, isn't it? And it means we got to meet the ones we're meant for. It hurts, but when you meet the right person... makes it all better." Tab leaned forward to kiss Jamie's head. "Just like your mummy and daddy, Jay."
"Until it just stops being better?" Luke asked with a small sigh. "I might need to stick around in New York a bit longer, Lucky Charm. I think my family needs me this time."
Tab looked at him, tilting her head a little. "Do you want me to stay with you?"
Luke laughed. "No, I don't." He smirked at her. "Yeah, of course I do, but only if you want to. It's up to you. I mean, I'll still come to Princeton for the bookwork on the other bar, but I might just hang out here in the city for a couple of weeks. It's not permanent or anything. Just until I can be sure Andy and Ali are back on their feet."
"I want to stay with you," Tab said quietly. "I'll go back when you go back to visit Riley, then we'll just come back to the City to be here for Andy. It's my turn to support you. You did it with me when Riley was... you know. Now I can do it for you."
"Yeah, I know," Luke told her with a smile. "And didn't I say all those times you tried to thank me that I would need you one day too? This is it. I need you. Because if Andy falls, I'm going to need help to help him. Last time, I barely managed."
Tab rest her hand on Jamie's stomach, trying to keep the wiggler in place as she leaned over to give her husband a soft kiss on the lips. "I'll make sure you manage, smexy. I'll be your own personal power supply."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 3,699