Rant
Happy New Year for everyone. Yes, I really mean everyone. Even Aizen. The-Happy-I-Wish-I-Could-Cut-Your-Throat-Millimeter-By-Milimeter-New-Year-kind. It's not like I'm someone who hates easily, after all.
Please bear in mind that you all can read this because I was the one who decided you could. That gives you also the right that you can NOT read it. If you don't like what you read, let it be said that... well, I don't give a freezing damn.
I'm older than most of you. Sure, I'm the youngest of shinigami here, not counting Kusajishi Yachiru, but the rest of you? You're just embryos. Plus, living the life that we shinigami do - if that makes any sense because we're dead - we've done more things than you ever done in your life, and we've seen death, birth, limbs getting cut and broken, justice and injustice, scheming and manipulating people leading the most gullible and fragile ones and even the quiet girl who liked to sit in the corner be the one to stay in between her friends and a threat to their existence, even if it meant her death.
You might think that, knowing what this rant is about, I’m probably digressing.
I’m not.
Take personalities, for example. I’ve met plenty. I know all stereotypes, to be honest. And then the other, more complex ones. Someone who is fragile and yet loyal, but wears their heart in their sleeve. Someone who would be able to die for someone else and then, in a burst of emotion, would do their best to hurt them. Someone who wants to be the best at everything they do and yet they think they’re crap. Someone who is usually selfish and lazy and suddenly they decide to sacrifice themselves and suffer on their own so that others don’t. There are circumstances, people, small details that make people change their way of life, their attitude. There are some parts of life that you face with a different conduct from the ordinary.
I’ve read somewhere: In Vino, Veritas, which can be translated into childspeak as “In wine lies the truth”. Well, it might be. Matsumoto, who is best buddies with alcohol, would babble rather idiotic but insightful things when drunk.
But then, she liked to say stupid things like her breasts are out trying to kill her by asphyxiation, or that she loved me.
So, sure, it might be a substance that takes all inhibitions away, but the same way your brain absorbs alcohol, it makes you say and do stupid things, too. How many times have I taken Matsumoto away from some random shinigami she was draped on?
A lot.
But how many times she took responsibility of what she did?
Always.
That’s why I trust her.
She once told me that were she on a relationship with anyone and suddenly did something stupid because she was drunk, that she would stop drinking for ever since then, because she thought she would be betraying that someone.
I found that admirable. Not because I’m all “you shall not drink”, (though I believe people really shouldn’t) but because Matsumoto minus drinking equals me going to hell and freezing…the hell… out of it.
But still, doesn’t change the fact that being drunk and throwing themselves to the next person because… oh… is it the pretty eyes or the shiny hair? No. Just because they’re there, regardless of what you might feel about it. Makes you look like Kenpachi in a tutu.
That, for those who might not get it, means that it makes you look ridiculous and stupid, not to mention irresponsible and immature.
And yeah, sure. Asking your friends for advice and comfort is good. But those friends should at least help the person they’re friends with, and leave those people who they don’t know alone. And if they’re out there trying to help out someone they do know, you better remember that there are other people who have done nothing and might end up hurt with that help. Remember that.
Bashing people involved because no matter how you are involved in it, you end up hurt might be good for your soul, to empty out the anger. I’ve done it, I admit. It actually makes you feel better.
But don’t go down to the level that makes someone hurt. At least I do it in a way that people who hear me know that all I’m saying is bullshit and that I don’t mean it.
That said…
Shinigami have seen people being restrained and families being separated, we've tasted fear and blood and bile in our tongues and we more than sure have worked so hard that most of you would have died from sheer exhaustion. More than once. We always see people taking in other people who they barely met, because everyone looks for shelter in cold, rainy winter nights. I know I did once.
We've seen the pain, the suffering, we've experienced the joy and anger and just plain frustration most of you have... multiplied by ten times more.
All the drama that we might come across here should be meaningless to us.
But it isn't to me. At least, because I hate seeing people suffering. I became a shinigami because I had the will to protect, did you know? And when I joined the Academy, I had this power coiling within me and those made me restless and toss and stir every night. It made me serious and broody because I couldn’t sleep properly to the point that I can’t sleep properly now. I’m a light sleeper. A pin falls on the ground and I’ll wake up. But all that made me reach higher, to the point that I’m where I am now.
But does it make me suffer? Hell, yes. And I hate it.
[ooc: does this count as meta? It's just all a bunch of ranting that my character felt like doing, and I'm not sure. o.o ]