Memory
The rooftop was an island amidst a cluster of other identical rooftops, separated by the upper reaches of leafy green branches that ran in vaguely grid-like patterns between them, beneath an expansive blue sky. There Rain sat, alone, slouched forward with his right leg bent up towards his body, his right arm free of his sleeve and draped across his knee in front of his face. His hair was unbound and noticeably unkempt, some of it hanging in his eyes and some long tendrils being blown about in the breeze. His head felt a little fuzzy, as though he'd been drinking. His left arm hung limply at his side, his hand laying palm-up on the roof tiles, and it twitched as his sharp ears picked up the sound of someone approaching. He turned an apathetic gaze to his visitor.
"Go away."
Rain's tone of voice was cool, devoid of any emotion, and he said nothing more, nor did he move. Peacemaker stood to his left, looking surprised or taken aback, but he also said nothing as his expression shifted into one of resolve. Rain shut his eyes briefly, the wind gusting gently around him, and when he opened them again he was looking only at the end of a ladder that was propped up against the building. Peacemaker was no longer in sight.
Rain scowled, and his right hand gripped at the edge of his clothing, his fingers twisting in the material... and abruptly, his eyes widened and he froze in shock as Peacemaker sat down behind him, leaning his back against Rain's and resting his slight weight against him.
The two of them sat in silence for a minute that stretched on seemingly longer, the rustling of the leaves around them the only sound. It was Rain who eventually spoke first, softly and unfeelingly.
"...What? Has the little puppy come to laugh at the whipped dog? Or have you just come to observe my pathetic state?"
"I... you know... earlier I had so much on my mind, I forgot to eat dinner." Peacemaker's words were hesitant, his tone melancholy. "I think it was... fried fish and some stew... and then... I, uh, had all the miso soup, but... I only ate about half the rice." Rain listened quietly, his forehead resting on his arm and a scowl still on his face, as the boy's voice began to tremble slightly. "I didn't eat all of it. I didn't eat all of... Ayu-nee's last meal." His voice then became much more strained - he was on the verge of tears. "And I... I didn't even eat it while it was still warm. I'm sorry..." Peacemaker sniffled. "I'm sorry, Ayu-nee."
"Don't apologize," Rain said flatly.
"I'm so sorry..." The boy was beginning to cry in earnest.
"Don't apologize!" Rain repeated with a sharp edge in his tone. "It's depressing."
"...So sorry..." Peacemaker was sobbing openly now, his small frame shaking against Rain's back. He choked out one more keening "Ah'm sowwy..." before just giving in and letting himself weep.
Rain remained as he was, stoic and silent, and after a few minutes Peacemaker's sobs subsided into sniffling and the boy began to dry his eyes. Then, quietly, Rain spoke.
"I... should be the one to apologize. So I could become a full-fledged ninja... she went in my place and died." He felt Peacemaker turn slightly behind him. "What was I doing, running after her like that?"
"That's..."
Still resting his forehead on his arm, Rain smirked, but there was no mirth in it whatsoever. "If I'd been killed, too... it would've all been for nothing." The smirk didn't last more than a fleeting moment - he gritted his teeth as he fought to hold back the unshed tears that were now beginning to burn at his eyes. "I can't compete with her. I was told I was a failure as a ninja... but I'm more of a failure as a little brother."
The tears began to escape, one by one, despite Rain's efforts, and he covered his face with his right hand as his voice grew harsher and increasingly strained. "I'm such a hypocrite. Idiotic. I'm pissed off... I'm so pissed off that... it hurts!"
Peacemaker shifted gently against his back, sniffled once more, and said softly, "When you put it that way... you're not 'pissed off.' You're just... sad."
Rain's tears flowed unchecked now, leaving wet tracks down his cheeks, dripping off of his nose and his chin to land on the roof tiles one after the other. He rested his forehead in his hand, and gave up any last pretense of remaining composed as he wept. "Why couldn't I... c-call her s-sister?" His voice wavered. "Just once!"
He braced his left hand on the roof behind him, his fingers clenching... and suddenly feeling Peacemaker's weight shift slightly in that direction, he reached up without looking and grasped the small hand that was moving to take hold of his, gripping it tightly as he continued to cry. Neither of them said anything more.
[From Shinsengumi Imon Peacemaker chapter 19, here. Dialogue is mainly from the Tokyopop translation.]
"Go away."
Rain's tone of voice was cool, devoid of any emotion, and he said nothing more, nor did he move. Peacemaker stood to his left, looking surprised or taken aback, but he also said nothing as his expression shifted into one of resolve. Rain shut his eyes briefly, the wind gusting gently around him, and when he opened them again he was looking only at the end of a ladder that was propped up against the building. Peacemaker was no longer in sight.
Rain scowled, and his right hand gripped at the edge of his clothing, his fingers twisting in the material... and abruptly, his eyes widened and he froze in shock as Peacemaker sat down behind him, leaning his back against Rain's and resting his slight weight against him.
The two of them sat in silence for a minute that stretched on seemingly longer, the rustling of the leaves around them the only sound. It was Rain who eventually spoke first, softly and unfeelingly.
"...What? Has the little puppy come to laugh at the whipped dog? Or have you just come to observe my pathetic state?"
"I... you know... earlier I had so much on my mind, I forgot to eat dinner." Peacemaker's words were hesitant, his tone melancholy. "I think it was... fried fish and some stew... and then... I, uh, had all the miso soup, but... I only ate about half the rice." Rain listened quietly, his forehead resting on his arm and a scowl still on his face, as the boy's voice began to tremble slightly. "I didn't eat all of it. I didn't eat all of... Ayu-nee's last meal." His voice then became much more strained - he was on the verge of tears. "And I... I didn't even eat it while it was still warm. I'm sorry..." Peacemaker sniffled. "I'm sorry, Ayu-nee."
"Don't apologize," Rain said flatly.
"I'm so sorry..." The boy was beginning to cry in earnest.
"Don't apologize!" Rain repeated with a sharp edge in his tone. "It's depressing."
"...So sorry..." Peacemaker was sobbing openly now, his small frame shaking against Rain's back. He choked out one more keening "Ah'm sowwy..." before just giving in and letting himself weep.
Rain remained as he was, stoic and silent, and after a few minutes Peacemaker's sobs subsided into sniffling and the boy began to dry his eyes. Then, quietly, Rain spoke.
"I... should be the one to apologize. So I could become a full-fledged ninja... she went in my place and died." He felt Peacemaker turn slightly behind him. "What was I doing, running after her like that?"
"That's..."
Still resting his forehead on his arm, Rain smirked, but there was no mirth in it whatsoever. "If I'd been killed, too... it would've all been for nothing." The smirk didn't last more than a fleeting moment - he gritted his teeth as he fought to hold back the unshed tears that were now beginning to burn at his eyes. "I can't compete with her. I was told I was a failure as a ninja... but I'm more of a failure as a little brother."
The tears began to escape, one by one, despite Rain's efforts, and he covered his face with his right hand as his voice grew harsher and increasingly strained. "I'm such a hypocrite. Idiotic. I'm pissed off... I'm so pissed off that... it hurts!"
Peacemaker shifted gently against his back, sniffled once more, and said softly, "When you put it that way... you're not 'pissed off.' You're just... sad."
Rain's tears flowed unchecked now, leaving wet tracks down his cheeks, dripping off of his nose and his chin to land on the roof tiles one after the other. He rested his forehead in his hand, and gave up any last pretense of remaining composed as he wept. "Why couldn't I... c-call her s-sister?" His voice wavered. "Just once!"
He braced his left hand on the roof behind him, his fingers clenching... and suddenly feeling Peacemaker's weight shift slightly in that direction, he reached up without looking and grasped the small hand that was moving to take hold of his, gripping it tightly as he continued to cry. Neither of them said anything more.
[From Shinsengumi Imon Peacemaker chapter 19, here. Dialogue is mainly from the Tokyopop translation.]