beng an emo kid is sometimes refreshing.
what is supposed to make me happy?
i think ive learned that that is the key to the gap in my life-happiness.
nothing makes me happy.
everything is temporary.
my friends always seem to try but cant make me happy.
i wish music could make me happy again, but now its as stressful as school: i need to pump out decent songs to perform, and im the only one that cares.
i feel like there is no one for me.
will has kelsey.
vice versa.
van has rachael.
vice versa.
everyone has everyone.
im left with myself which is worse than having no one at all because im left with my thoughts which is enough to kill anyone.
i feel like i just dont fit into the whole thing.
i think about it and i know that in a few months, i will have totally different friends.
i know myself well enough to know that i will loose touch because it hurts too much to hold on to things you can't grasp.
i have nothing to be excited about.
i need something that can keep me going, but theres nothing.
i cant stop digging deep for those bad memories.
anything you put in front of me is bound to stress me out.
this is why i result so much in smoking.
it lets me escape, it forces me not to think because god forbid, i cant be left alone with my thoughts.
i hate going to bed even remotely not tired, because it will only be a longer period of silence with my own thoughts.
i wanna be gone, in my own world.
i want to find something that cures me.
a love potion.
number 9, maybe.
but the worst of it all, is that, my "best friends" are who i cant talk to.
will dismisses my feelings, kelsey throws change in my guitar case and passes me to catch a cab with will, metaphorically, and no one is there to catch them and pick them up and bandage them.
because of that, i lie.
i lie to avoid awkward situations.
purely for it.
alot of the things i tell you are lies.
i lie to protect myself even if i dont need it, and will was the first to tell me.
i lie to certain people to avoid them knowing how i truly feel about them, beauce that would show weakness and i cant allow that.
i lie about how i feel, and over do it so i can get some kind of emotional attention.
i lie about things even when theres really no need to.
i lied about many things from my past, probably.
i lied about not remembering new years eve.
i lie when i say i hate you.
i lie purely to save me.
i lie so i wont have to succomb to my own feelings.
i pretend to hate when all i want is to love.
so, to what purpose do i serve?
i seem to do everything that makes me sad.
i hang out with those who love each other, i perform at school, i play music, which only gets old, i do so many every day things that only makes me worse.
i wanna start over.
begin anew.
find a new place, find a new look, find a new me, find new friends, find new hobbies, find anything, all in a pure and simple search in the one thing that we all search and die for...
happiness.
i think ive learned that that is the key to the gap in my life-happiness.
nothing makes me happy.
everything is temporary.
my friends always seem to try but cant make me happy.
i wish music could make me happy again, but now its as stressful as school: i need to pump out decent songs to perform, and im the only one that cares.
i feel like there is no one for me.
will has kelsey.
vice versa.
van has rachael.
vice versa.
everyone has everyone.
im left with myself which is worse than having no one at all because im left with my thoughts which is enough to kill anyone.
i feel like i just dont fit into the whole thing.
i think about it and i know that in a few months, i will have totally different friends.
i know myself well enough to know that i will loose touch because it hurts too much to hold on to things you can't grasp.
i have nothing to be excited about.
i need something that can keep me going, but theres nothing.
i cant stop digging deep for those bad memories.
anything you put in front of me is bound to stress me out.
this is why i result so much in smoking.
it lets me escape, it forces me not to think because god forbid, i cant be left alone with my thoughts.
i hate going to bed even remotely not tired, because it will only be a longer period of silence with my own thoughts.
i wanna be gone, in my own world.
i want to find something that cures me.
a love potion.
number 9, maybe.
but the worst of it all, is that, my "best friends" are who i cant talk to.
will dismisses my feelings, kelsey throws change in my guitar case and passes me to catch a cab with will, metaphorically, and no one is there to catch them and pick them up and bandage them.
because of that, i lie.
i lie to avoid awkward situations.
purely for it.
alot of the things i tell you are lies.
i lie to protect myself even if i dont need it, and will was the first to tell me.
i lie to certain people to avoid them knowing how i truly feel about them, beauce that would show weakness and i cant allow that.
i lie about how i feel, and over do it so i can get some kind of emotional attention.
i lie about things even when theres really no need to.
i lied about many things from my past, probably.
i lied about not remembering new years eve.
i lie when i say i hate you.
i lie purely to save me.
i lie so i wont have to succomb to my own feelings.
i pretend to hate when all i want is to love.
so, to what purpose do i serve?
i seem to do everything that makes me sad.
i hang out with those who love each other, i perform at school, i play music, which only gets old, i do so many every day things that only makes me worse.
i wanna start over.
begin anew.
find a new place, find a new look, find a new me, find new friends, find new hobbies, find anything, all in a pure and simple search in the one thing that we all search and die for...
happiness.