Its the Wrong Dream with the Wrong Man (Chapter 2)
Title:'It's the wrong dream, with the wrong man'* (A sequel to Come on & Drive me Wild') (2/4)
Rating: overall PG-13, although there are some chapters that will warrant a NC-17 rating
Pairing: Sergio Ramos/Fernando Torres (established past relationship)Frank Lampard/Fernando Torres, Sergio Ramos/OC Cesc makes a brief appearance in this chapter.
Warning: none....
Disclaimer: I made it all up, none of this is based on anything factual.....yada yada
A/N: Some of you will really not like this chapter, just know that it was hard to write for me, but probably not for the reasons you assume. Really, even if you don't like it, please let me know & let me know why. It was a tricky chapter to write. I love comments, good or bad.
Muchos gracias to my wonderful beta & seamstress wh_mermaid for being so very encouraging.
link to chapter 1 here
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you, I wish nothing but best for you too ~Adele ‘Someone Like You’
Sergio decides to wait for Fernando to contact him as he promised. He doesn’t want to push Fernando, and he doesn’t want to seem overeager. Sergio needs time and space as well. Seeing Fernando had been good, but it had also been difficult. He needed a little time to sort out his feelings, to prove to Sami that he could do this “friend” thing with Fernando. Watching Fernando with Frank……..well Sergio didn’t want to think about that too much. He didn’t want to think about whether Frank had gone home with Fernando, or vice versa, and he especially didn’t want to think about whether or not it was just a one-night stand or…….something more. And so he waited.
Fernando called him a week after the Arsenal match, during his lunch break. Sergio was on his way to his favorite sushi place, when his phone buzzed. He smiled when he saw who it was, even though the person on the other end couldn’t see him.
“Hey Fernando, what’s up? Calling during the middle of the day, they must not be working you hard enough. You never used to answer your phone in the middle of the day.”
“Well I try to take a lunch once or twice a week now, get out of the office, helps me clear my head a bit, and then I’m more level-headed when I get back. So anyways, I was wondering if you were free right now? I know you always go on lunch break, so I thought, if it would be ok, I’d join you?”
“Sure, I’m at the sushi place by…..”
“I remember, sounds good, I’ll see you soon.”
~
Sergio has already ordered his usual when Fernando walks into the restaurant-he looks good. Sergio had forgotten how good Fernando cleaned up. He’s not even wearing anything particularly fancy (black slacks with a forest green dress shirt and a black tie), but it’s enough to make Sergio momentarily speechless. Fernando spots him and makes his way over to wear he’s sitting at the bar.
“So what’s good here? I haven’t tried sushi before.” He looks Sergio over quickly (later Fernando will admit he was checking him out), as if to gage his reaction.
“Really? You still prefer that disgusting fried fish shit hmm?”
Fernando laughs. “Just order something for me Sergio ok?”
Sergio goes for something not too crazy, and turns his attention back to Fernando.
“What makes you suddenly want to try raw fish now?”
“Well it’s healthier than fish and chips that’s for sure, which by the way I have stopped eating.”
“Really? Don’t tell me they actually boosted your cholesterol? Like I always predicted they would.”
“No, they boosted my ass, well and my stomach……and don’t say anything about my ass Sese, I know you were just going to.”
“You know me all too well.”
“Yeah…anyways, I’m training for the London marathon, well not the full one, but the half, so I thought it was time to start eating healthier. The less I weigh the faster I run; at least that’s what all the books say that I’ve been reading.”
Sergio tries to hide his smile. Of course Fernando would read up on how to train for a race, it was just him . There was a book for everything and about everything. He wonders what Fernando’s library looked like now? He hadn’t really looked around too closely when he’d gone to check in on him. How many more bookcases did he have? Did he have time to read these days? He wants to know the answers to these questions, and to so many more, but for the sake of starting off fresh, he asks about Fernando’s training. He can tell by the light in Fernando’s eyes, the drive, that he’s serious about this race, about getting back in shape. Sergio tells him about the pick-up games he plays with Sami and some of his other work colleagues, and when Fernando admits to missing it, he invites him to join them.
When Sergio’s food arrives Fernando eyes it suspiciously.
“Is that what you got me?”
“I thought you wanted to try new things?”
“Yes, but….small steps.”
“Oh come on Fer, live a little. Who knows you might like it.”
Fernando laughs. “You know Sese, life is really an adventure with you.”
Sergio takes a bit of his sushi (eel with rice and wasabi and something he’s not sure of but finds delicious anyways) and grins. “It always is.”
Before Fernando can respond his tuna and yellow fin rolls arrive. With a determined look in his eye he grabs his chopsticks, badly misusing them (Sergio longs to reach out and show him just how to use them, but decides, again, to refrain from touching Fernando), and stabs at his first sushi roll. He manages to get half of it in his mouth (the other half falls apart on the plate). He chews thoughtfully; drawing it out, knowing Sergio is waiting very impatiently for his verdict. Sergio knows this act, he’s witnessed many times, and yet he happily plays along.
“So, what do you think Fernando?”
Fernando finishes chewing, and is silent for a moment, pretending to think.
“Fer-Nan-Dooo what do you think?”
Sergio is awarded with a smile. “I like it.”
“Good, now it’s time for you to learn how use your chopsticks.”
It takes a few tries, but eventually Fernando, after watching Sergio go through a step-by-step demonstration, figures out how to pick up the sushi role without dropping it. Returning to his own sushi, Sergio starts up the conversation again.
“So you had a good time last week huh?”
“Yeah I did. I hadn’t been to a match in ages, made me realize how much I missed it. There’s nothing quite like going to a match in person, really beats watching it on TV.”
“Yeah, I know. Well if you ever want to go again, let me know.”
“I will, thanks.”
“So………you and Frank seemed to be getting on well when Emma and I left. Did you by chance get lucky that night?” Sergio tries, and he thinks successfully, to act nonchalant. (he fails)
“No, but we did go on a date this last weekend.” Fernando blushes. “He got lucky then.”
Sergio is surprised by Fernando’s frankness. Fernando, at least the one he knew before, never liked to talk about what he did in the bedroom (or other rooms) with other people. He supposes the surprise must be evident on his face because Fernando blushes even harder, and stutters.
“Well, umm I mean, isn’t that what you wanted Sergio?”
“What?! I didn’t ask you to sleep with Frank.”
“No, I mean, didn’t you want me to be honest with you? To tell you stuff, to share.”
“Yeah…..yeah that’s true.” Sergio smiles for Fernando’s benefit. He can see he’s really trying, and maybe he’s even trying to move on, and wants to prove that to Sergio. Who knows, maybe this Frank guy will be good Fernando, and Sergio, for his part, needs to respect that.
“So there was one date, is there going to be another?”
“Yeah, I’m seeing him again this weekend. He’s taking me one of his favorite Indian curry restaurants, your favorite. You do still love curry don’t you?”
“Yeah I do. Well I hope it goes well. I don’t know much about the guy, except that he’s a Chelsea supporter, which is questionable, but you do have good taste in men so I trust you.”
“Thanks Sese.” Fernando seems genuinely relieved. He glances at his watch. “I’d better get going, I’ve got a meeting with a client in an hour that I need to be prepared for, but hey, before I forget, did you want to go running with me? I could use someone to motivate me, and I assume you still keep in pretty good shape.”
“Of course I do, and I’d love to help you get your ass in gear. Who knows, I might even run a race with you.”
Fernando smiles as they get up to leave. “That’d be fun, I’d like that. What time and day work best for you?”
“Well the weekend obviously, unless there’s a match I need to be at, but I can do Sunday this weekend. Sergio smirks. “I mean that is if you aren’t shacked up with Frank all weekend.”
Fernando pushes Sergio jokingly. “Shut up Sese, Sunday is fine. Whether I’m “shacked up” with Frank or not, I have to keep to my running schedule. Let’s meet at Hyde Park Sunday afternoon ok?”
“Sounds good.” Sergio waves to Fernando as they go their opposite ways. He spends the rest of the day at work trying not to think about Fernando, more specifically about Fernando with Frank. He thinks he’s pretty successful. (he’s not)
Sergio and Fernando fall into an easy pattern over the next couple of months; they go running every weekend, occasionally Fernando joins Sergio in a game of pick-up football, and weekly lunch “dates.” (although neither of them willing call them dates). Sergio enjoys his runs with Fernando; even if they don’t talk during their runs (they both have i-pods that they occasionally use), because it’s enough just to be around Fernando. He enjoys just being around Fernando, being a part of something that is important to him again. When they do talk though, it’s different, it’s good. It’s hard, but gradually Sergio is able to coax Fernando out of his shell. They don’t just talk about the everyday things, they talk about their frustrations and worries at work (this is the subject that takes the longest to coax out of Fernando), their concerns about their families, and….about their significant others, although Sergio suspects neither of them are being completely honest about them.
Fernando had begun dating Frank, seriously apparently. Despite being a Chelsea supporter, Frank seemed like a decent enough guy, and he really seemed to like Fernando, Sergio just wasn’t sure how Fernando felt about Frank. (he was too scared to bring it up) Meanwhile he and Emma were drifting apart, neither of them brought it up, but Sergio knew she felt it. She didn’t comment when Sergio came home sweaty, exhausted, but happy after training runs with Fernando. Or when Sergio recalled, in detail, the amazing goal that Fernando had scored in their latest pick-up game. He was careful not to talk about Fernando and Frank around her, because he was sure that the tone of his voice would betray him away. As Fernando, by all appearances, drifted into a happy relationship for the first time in a very long time, he was drifting out of his. This wasn’t something he could share with Fernando though, because he couldn’t explain why, without giving himself away. It wouldn’t be fair to Fernando. As he told himself continuously, Fernando deserved a chance to be happy without out him, and if Frank Lampard could give that to him, then well Sergio, as Fernando’s friend, had to respect that. For himself, he hoped that eventually he’d get used to having Fernando back in his life, and that he’d remember all the reasons why Emma was the person he was supposed to be with.
One weekend, three months into their training, Sergio decides to go running by himself on a Saturday. He and Fernando had planned on their usual later Sunday morning run, but he’d woken up that morning and just felt like running. By chance (its not) his feet carry him to Fernando’s flat. He decides, since he’s there anyways, to see if Fernando wants to switch it up and go that morning, however; when he knocks on the door, it isn’t Fernando who answers, it’s Frank, looking slightly rumpled in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. It is obvious he’s spent the night. He’s holding a spatula in his hand.
“Oh hey Sergio, what can I do for you? Fernando’s still in bed.”
“Oh, well I was going to see if he wanted to go running this morning, but…obviously not.”
“No I’m sorry mate. I don’t even think he’s awake yet. He had a really difficult day at work yesterday. He was there ‘til past ten. I’m making him some omelets before he gets up.” Frank smiles. “A little breakfast in bed.”
Sergio shuffles awkwardly. He really shouldn’t be surprised to find Frank there, I mean they have been dating for over three months, but the pure domesticity of it all hurts. He’s making him breakfast in bed for fuck’s sake, something Sergio used to do. The way Frank says Fernando’s name, with fondness, the way he seems to know about Fernando’s frustrations at work (something that he never revealed to Sergio in all the time they were together), and the way that he seems to genuinely want to take care of Fernando. It is in this moment that Sergio realizes he needs to give up. That he needs to move on, and let Fernando be happy because he’s obviously found someone who he can be happy with, someone who he can completely let his guard down around.
“He likes his omelets with mushrooms and olives and a little bit of basil.”
“Oh? Thanks, I think we have that. How did you know that? Were you and Nando roommates?”
Suddenly Sergio starts to question just how serious Fernando is about Frank. Because the questioning tone of Frank’s voice tells Sergio that he genuinely doesn’t know about Sergio, or at least he doesn’t know just who he used to be to Fernando.
“Yeah…yeah we were roommates.” (It’s not a complete lie)
Frank smiles again. “Well hey thanks mate; I’d better go add those things. Should I tell Fernando you stopped by? I guess it means you won’t want to go running tomorrow right?”
“Yeah, sure let him know I stopped by. Have a good weekend.”
“Thanks Sergio, you too.”
~
The whole way home, he thinks about his conversation with Frank, more specifically, about what Frank had revealed. When he gets home Emma is already up. He smiles warmly at her.
“Hey, good morning love.” He greets her with a kiss.
“Well, you sure are in a good mood. Must have been a good run.”
“Yeah it was, I stopped by Fernando’s, but he wasn’t up. Frank was there though.”
“Oh? I hope you didn’t wake him.”
“Nah, he was making breakfast for Fernando.”
“Oh, well that’s nice of him.”
“Yeah, it is……did you know he doesn’t know about me.”
He’s pouring coffee, his back to Emma, but he can feel her frown from across the room.
“What do you mean he doesn’t know about you?”
“He doesn’t know that Fernando and I were together. He asked me if Fernando and I were roommates.
I mean, why hasn’t Fernando told him?”
Sergio can hear the hardness, the firmness in Emma’s voice. “That isn’t really any of your business Sergio, and you know it. He’s chosen to be with Frank. They’re happy, by all appearances, and you need to let him go. You need to let him be happy.”
Sergio stills, the coffee pot in one hand, the mug in the other. He’s not stupid, and neither is Emma. He known she’s noticed the gradual distance that’s built up between them, and frankly he’s surprised she hasn’t called him out on it before today. It wasn’t like Emma to stand idly by, but he’s still not prepared for her accusations.
“I am……..I’m trying Emma. I’m trying so hard.”
“I’m not trying to force you Sergio, but I miss us. I miss how we used to be before Fernando came back into your life. I can’t go on like this. I remember how it used to be, when it was you and me, and I want it back. If I can’t have that, well then….I don’t want any of it. If you can’t let him go, if you come to that realization you need to tell me, because I can’t be with someone that is only half there.”
Sergio finishes pouring his coffee, and walks across the room to envelope Emma in a hug. He breathes in the smell of her hair, and presses a soft kiss to her nose.
“I promise Emma, I promise it’s done. I promise it’s just you and me. Fernando is just a friend now.”
Sergio really hopes, rather than believes, that these words are true.
A couple months pass in which Sergio makes every effort to be happy for Fernando and Frank. Things still aren’t quite like they were before, but he and Emma are sincerely working on their relationship, doing the things they used to do early in their relationship: date night every week, making puchero for her on the days when the chill of London is even too much for her Scottish blood, going to art shows. One weekend Sergio surprises her by taking her away to a bed & breakfast for the weekend (even though he hates the rain in Wales) They come back from that weekend with new hope; both sincerely believing that things can, and will, go back to how they used to be.
He and Fernando continue to run every weekend. Fernando (and sometimes Frank) joins Sergio for his weekly pick-up games. They continue their conversations about everything and anything. Sergio does not continue to touch Fernando. Sergio does not (ever) ask about Fernando’s love life. And Sergio never lets Fernando catch him looking at his ass while they run (Fernando continues to notice though).
Before he knows it’s time for their (he’d given into Fernando’s nagging about running the half-marathon with him) first practice race. It’s only a 10K (6.2 miles) but, according to Fernando’s training manual (he’d bought a copy for Sergio, which Sergio had ended up using as a coaster) it was a good measuring stick. If they could run this and not fall apart, sticking to their accustomed paces, then they’d do just fine running a half marathon (13.1 miles). He and Fernando start off at the same pace, and then at about the five mile mark Fernando seems to get a second wind. As he starts to break away from Sergio, he looks behind him, silently asking if it’s ok. Sergio smiles as best he can, pushing Fernando gently forward. Fernando doesn’t run too far ahead of him, so Sergio is able to see him finish a minute ahead of him. He loses him, however, in the crush of runners at the end. When he does find him, he wishes he hadn’t. He watches, face suddenly grim, his runners’ high gone, as Frank hugs Fernando and kisses him, open mouthed in front of everyone watching (no one really is, just Sergio). Instead of pushing him away, like almost every single time Sergio had been affectionate in public, Fernando deepens the kiss, before breaking away slowly and looking back to meet Sergio’s eyes. Fernando’s smile falters a little, but he doesn’t let go of Frank as he gestures for Sergio to come and join them. Frank kisses Fernando’s cheek, and Sergio, quite suddenly, realizes that doesn’t want anyone to kiss Fernando except him ever again. It reminds him of another time, many years ago, when he realized the exact same thing.
Sergio and Fernando are hanging out at Sergio’s favorite flamenco bar one night after their weekly pick-up game. Everyone else was too exhausted to join them, but Sergio had managed to drag Fernando out with him. He didn’t really care if anyone else joined them; he just wanted to spend time with Fernando, time that didn’t include studying, or watching Fernando frown at his computer. He didn’t know what it was about his freckled, uptight, roommate that so intrigued him, but after that evening he, Fernando, Pepe, and Xabi had gone out, he’d increasingly found ways to spend time with Fernando. He didn’t stop to think about it too much, it wasn’t really in his nature. Sergio usually acted first, and thought later, if at all. He looks over at Fernando shoving him jokingly on the shoulder.
“You aren’t still mad at me for that tackle earlier are you?” But Fernando isn’t paying attention. His attention is focused elsewhere; specifically at the door, where Cesc has just appeared. Cesc smiles widely as he sees Fernando. Bounding in with all the energy Sergio has come to associate with him, he rushes up to Fernando, kissing him full on the mouth. Fernando blushes and pushes him gently away, but Sergio doesn’t notice because he’s suddenly realized something, he wants to be the one kissing Fernando. Suddenly it all makes sense- his ever increasing need to spend time with Fernando, to watch him as he eats, studies, and drools as he naps on his law books. He wants to be the one that kisses Fernando in flamenco bars, he wants to be the one that kisses away the creases in his forehead when he gets frustrated, and he wants to curl up behind him at night when he collapses, exhausted from overworking himself, and wrap his arms around him. He wants to be Fernando Torres’ boyfriend. Unfortunately, for Sergio, Fernando already has one of those.
Frank’s voice brings him abruptly back to the present.
“Hey Sergio, good job mate. “
Sergio forces himself to smile at him, at both of them. “Thanks Frank, although Fernando still beat me.”
“Not by much though, huh Sese? Only like what a minute maybe? That half-marathon is going to be a piece of cake.” Fernando smiles softly
“Sure Fernando.”
“So do you want to join Nando and I for drinks? You guys deserve to down a few pints after this race.”
Before the kiss, Sergio would have been more than willing to join the pair of them at the pub, but now, now, he’s not feeling so conciliatory. Now he just wants to go home and sulk.
“No thanks guys. I told Emma I’d come right home after the race. We’re supposed to go out to lunch with some of her friends; I can’t go smelling like this.” (he and Emma have no such plans)
Fernando looks disappointed but he hugs Sergio as he leaves, congratulating him, and apologizing for the smell. (Sergio doesn’t mind at all)
Emma asks about the race when he gets home. He tells her it was fine, takes a shower, and then spends the rest of the day watching football on the TV and drinking his own beer. That night they have sex, but instead of sleeping intertwined as usually do, they sleep on opposite sides of the bed, each wrapped up in their own thoughts. Sergio lays awake for a long time, his thoughts consumed by Fernando and Arsenal (the Carling Cup is the following evening).
When he wakes up the next day, he is sure of two things: Arsenal will win its first trophy this evening, and two, when they win he’s going to propose to Emma because he’s done with Fernando Torres.
Rating: overall PG-13, although there are some chapters that will warrant a NC-17 rating
Pairing: Sergio Ramos/Fernando Torres (established past relationship)Frank Lampard/Fernando Torres, Sergio Ramos/OC Cesc makes a brief appearance in this chapter.
Warning: none....
Disclaimer: I made it all up, none of this is based on anything factual.....yada yada
A/N: Some of you will really not like this chapter, just know that it was hard to write for me, but probably not for the reasons you assume. Really, even if you don't like it, please let me know & let me know why. It was a tricky chapter to write. I love comments, good or bad.
Muchos gracias to my wonderful beta & seamstress wh_mermaid for being so very encouraging.
link to chapter 1 here
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you, I wish nothing but best for you too ~Adele ‘Someone Like You’
Sergio decides to wait for Fernando to contact him as he promised. He doesn’t want to push Fernando, and he doesn’t want to seem overeager. Sergio needs time and space as well. Seeing Fernando had been good, but it had also been difficult. He needed a little time to sort out his feelings, to prove to Sami that he could do this “friend” thing with Fernando. Watching Fernando with Frank……..well Sergio didn’t want to think about that too much. He didn’t want to think about whether Frank had gone home with Fernando, or vice versa, and he especially didn’t want to think about whether or not it was just a one-night stand or…….something more. And so he waited.
Fernando called him a week after the Arsenal match, during his lunch break. Sergio was on his way to his favorite sushi place, when his phone buzzed. He smiled when he saw who it was, even though the person on the other end couldn’t see him.
“Hey Fernando, what’s up? Calling during the middle of the day, they must not be working you hard enough. You never used to answer your phone in the middle of the day.”
“Well I try to take a lunch once or twice a week now, get out of the office, helps me clear my head a bit, and then I’m more level-headed when I get back. So anyways, I was wondering if you were free right now? I know you always go on lunch break, so I thought, if it would be ok, I’d join you?”
“Sure, I’m at the sushi place by…..”
“I remember, sounds good, I’ll see you soon.”
~
Sergio has already ordered his usual when Fernando walks into the restaurant-he looks good. Sergio had forgotten how good Fernando cleaned up. He’s not even wearing anything particularly fancy (black slacks with a forest green dress shirt and a black tie), but it’s enough to make Sergio momentarily speechless. Fernando spots him and makes his way over to wear he’s sitting at the bar.
“So what’s good here? I haven’t tried sushi before.” He looks Sergio over quickly (later Fernando will admit he was checking him out), as if to gage his reaction.
“Really? You still prefer that disgusting fried fish shit hmm?”
Fernando laughs. “Just order something for me Sergio ok?”
Sergio goes for something not too crazy, and turns his attention back to Fernando.
“What makes you suddenly want to try raw fish now?”
“Well it’s healthier than fish and chips that’s for sure, which by the way I have stopped eating.”
“Really? Don’t tell me they actually boosted your cholesterol? Like I always predicted they would.”
“No, they boosted my ass, well and my stomach……and don’t say anything about my ass Sese, I know you were just going to.”
“You know me all too well.”
“Yeah…anyways, I’m training for the London marathon, well not the full one, but the half, so I thought it was time to start eating healthier. The less I weigh the faster I run; at least that’s what all the books say that I’ve been reading.”
Sergio tries to hide his smile. Of course Fernando would read up on how to train for a race, it was just him . There was a book for everything and about everything. He wonders what Fernando’s library looked like now? He hadn’t really looked around too closely when he’d gone to check in on him. How many more bookcases did he have? Did he have time to read these days? He wants to know the answers to these questions, and to so many more, but for the sake of starting off fresh, he asks about Fernando’s training. He can tell by the light in Fernando’s eyes, the drive, that he’s serious about this race, about getting back in shape. Sergio tells him about the pick-up games he plays with Sami and some of his other work colleagues, and when Fernando admits to missing it, he invites him to join them.
When Sergio’s food arrives Fernando eyes it suspiciously.
“Is that what you got me?”
“I thought you wanted to try new things?”
“Yes, but….small steps.”
“Oh come on Fer, live a little. Who knows you might like it.”
Fernando laughs. “You know Sese, life is really an adventure with you.”
Sergio takes a bit of his sushi (eel with rice and wasabi and something he’s not sure of but finds delicious anyways) and grins. “It always is.”
Before Fernando can respond his tuna and yellow fin rolls arrive. With a determined look in his eye he grabs his chopsticks, badly misusing them (Sergio longs to reach out and show him just how to use them, but decides, again, to refrain from touching Fernando), and stabs at his first sushi roll. He manages to get half of it in his mouth (the other half falls apart on the plate). He chews thoughtfully; drawing it out, knowing Sergio is waiting very impatiently for his verdict. Sergio knows this act, he’s witnessed many times, and yet he happily plays along.
“So, what do you think Fernando?”
Fernando finishes chewing, and is silent for a moment, pretending to think.
“Fer-Nan-Dooo what do you think?”
Sergio is awarded with a smile. “I like it.”
“Good, now it’s time for you to learn how use your chopsticks.”
It takes a few tries, but eventually Fernando, after watching Sergio go through a step-by-step demonstration, figures out how to pick up the sushi role without dropping it. Returning to his own sushi, Sergio starts up the conversation again.
“So you had a good time last week huh?”
“Yeah I did. I hadn’t been to a match in ages, made me realize how much I missed it. There’s nothing quite like going to a match in person, really beats watching it on TV.”
“Yeah, I know. Well if you ever want to go again, let me know.”
“I will, thanks.”
“So………you and Frank seemed to be getting on well when Emma and I left. Did you by chance get lucky that night?” Sergio tries, and he thinks successfully, to act nonchalant. (he fails)
“No, but we did go on a date this last weekend.” Fernando blushes. “He got lucky then.”
Sergio is surprised by Fernando’s frankness. Fernando, at least the one he knew before, never liked to talk about what he did in the bedroom (or other rooms) with other people. He supposes the surprise must be evident on his face because Fernando blushes even harder, and stutters.
“Well, umm I mean, isn’t that what you wanted Sergio?”
“What?! I didn’t ask you to sleep with Frank.”
“No, I mean, didn’t you want me to be honest with you? To tell you stuff, to share.”
“Yeah…..yeah that’s true.” Sergio smiles for Fernando’s benefit. He can see he’s really trying, and maybe he’s even trying to move on, and wants to prove that to Sergio. Who knows, maybe this Frank guy will be good Fernando, and Sergio, for his part, needs to respect that.
“So there was one date, is there going to be another?”
“Yeah, I’m seeing him again this weekend. He’s taking me one of his favorite Indian curry restaurants, your favorite. You do still love curry don’t you?”
“Yeah I do. Well I hope it goes well. I don’t know much about the guy, except that he’s a Chelsea supporter, which is questionable, but you do have good taste in men so I trust you.”
“Thanks Sese.” Fernando seems genuinely relieved. He glances at his watch. “I’d better get going, I’ve got a meeting with a client in an hour that I need to be prepared for, but hey, before I forget, did you want to go running with me? I could use someone to motivate me, and I assume you still keep in pretty good shape.”
“Of course I do, and I’d love to help you get your ass in gear. Who knows, I might even run a race with you.”
Fernando smiles as they get up to leave. “That’d be fun, I’d like that. What time and day work best for you?”
“Well the weekend obviously, unless there’s a match I need to be at, but I can do Sunday this weekend. Sergio smirks. “I mean that is if you aren’t shacked up with Frank all weekend.”
Fernando pushes Sergio jokingly. “Shut up Sese, Sunday is fine. Whether I’m “shacked up” with Frank or not, I have to keep to my running schedule. Let’s meet at Hyde Park Sunday afternoon ok?”
“Sounds good.” Sergio waves to Fernando as they go their opposite ways. He spends the rest of the day at work trying not to think about Fernando, more specifically about Fernando with Frank. He thinks he’s pretty successful. (he’s not)
Sergio and Fernando fall into an easy pattern over the next couple of months; they go running every weekend, occasionally Fernando joins Sergio in a game of pick-up football, and weekly lunch “dates.” (although neither of them willing call them dates). Sergio enjoys his runs with Fernando; even if they don’t talk during their runs (they both have i-pods that they occasionally use), because it’s enough just to be around Fernando. He enjoys just being around Fernando, being a part of something that is important to him again. When they do talk though, it’s different, it’s good. It’s hard, but gradually Sergio is able to coax Fernando out of his shell. They don’t just talk about the everyday things, they talk about their frustrations and worries at work (this is the subject that takes the longest to coax out of Fernando), their concerns about their families, and….about their significant others, although Sergio suspects neither of them are being completely honest about them.
Fernando had begun dating Frank, seriously apparently. Despite being a Chelsea supporter, Frank seemed like a decent enough guy, and he really seemed to like Fernando, Sergio just wasn’t sure how Fernando felt about Frank. (he was too scared to bring it up) Meanwhile he and Emma were drifting apart, neither of them brought it up, but Sergio knew she felt it. She didn’t comment when Sergio came home sweaty, exhausted, but happy after training runs with Fernando. Or when Sergio recalled, in detail, the amazing goal that Fernando had scored in their latest pick-up game. He was careful not to talk about Fernando and Frank around her, because he was sure that the tone of his voice would betray him away. As Fernando, by all appearances, drifted into a happy relationship for the first time in a very long time, he was drifting out of his. This wasn’t something he could share with Fernando though, because he couldn’t explain why, without giving himself away. It wouldn’t be fair to Fernando. As he told himself continuously, Fernando deserved a chance to be happy without out him, and if Frank Lampard could give that to him, then well Sergio, as Fernando’s friend, had to respect that. For himself, he hoped that eventually he’d get used to having Fernando back in his life, and that he’d remember all the reasons why Emma was the person he was supposed to be with.
One weekend, three months into their training, Sergio decides to go running by himself on a Saturday. He and Fernando had planned on their usual later Sunday morning run, but he’d woken up that morning and just felt like running. By chance (its not) his feet carry him to Fernando’s flat. He decides, since he’s there anyways, to see if Fernando wants to switch it up and go that morning, however; when he knocks on the door, it isn’t Fernando who answers, it’s Frank, looking slightly rumpled in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. It is obvious he’s spent the night. He’s holding a spatula in his hand.
“Oh hey Sergio, what can I do for you? Fernando’s still in bed.”
“Oh, well I was going to see if he wanted to go running this morning, but…obviously not.”
“No I’m sorry mate. I don’t even think he’s awake yet. He had a really difficult day at work yesterday. He was there ‘til past ten. I’m making him some omelets before he gets up.” Frank smiles. “A little breakfast in bed.”
Sergio shuffles awkwardly. He really shouldn’t be surprised to find Frank there, I mean they have been dating for over three months, but the pure domesticity of it all hurts. He’s making him breakfast in bed for fuck’s sake, something Sergio used to do. The way Frank says Fernando’s name, with fondness, the way he seems to know about Fernando’s frustrations at work (something that he never revealed to Sergio in all the time they were together), and the way that he seems to genuinely want to take care of Fernando. It is in this moment that Sergio realizes he needs to give up. That he needs to move on, and let Fernando be happy because he’s obviously found someone who he can be happy with, someone who he can completely let his guard down around.
“He likes his omelets with mushrooms and olives and a little bit of basil.”
“Oh? Thanks, I think we have that. How did you know that? Were you and Nando roommates?”
Suddenly Sergio starts to question just how serious Fernando is about Frank. Because the questioning tone of Frank’s voice tells Sergio that he genuinely doesn’t know about Sergio, or at least he doesn’t know just who he used to be to Fernando.
“Yeah…yeah we were roommates.” (It’s not a complete lie)
Frank smiles again. “Well hey thanks mate; I’d better go add those things. Should I tell Fernando you stopped by? I guess it means you won’t want to go running tomorrow right?”
“Yeah, sure let him know I stopped by. Have a good weekend.”
“Thanks Sergio, you too.”
~
The whole way home, he thinks about his conversation with Frank, more specifically, about what Frank had revealed. When he gets home Emma is already up. He smiles warmly at her.
“Hey, good morning love.” He greets her with a kiss.
“Well, you sure are in a good mood. Must have been a good run.”
“Yeah it was, I stopped by Fernando’s, but he wasn’t up. Frank was there though.”
“Oh? I hope you didn’t wake him.”
“Nah, he was making breakfast for Fernando.”
“Oh, well that’s nice of him.”
“Yeah, it is……did you know he doesn’t know about me.”
He’s pouring coffee, his back to Emma, but he can feel her frown from across the room.
“What do you mean he doesn’t know about you?”
“He doesn’t know that Fernando and I were together. He asked me if Fernando and I were roommates.
I mean, why hasn’t Fernando told him?”
Sergio can hear the hardness, the firmness in Emma’s voice. “That isn’t really any of your business Sergio, and you know it. He’s chosen to be with Frank. They’re happy, by all appearances, and you need to let him go. You need to let him be happy.”
Sergio stills, the coffee pot in one hand, the mug in the other. He’s not stupid, and neither is Emma. He known she’s noticed the gradual distance that’s built up between them, and frankly he’s surprised she hasn’t called him out on it before today. It wasn’t like Emma to stand idly by, but he’s still not prepared for her accusations.
“I am……..I’m trying Emma. I’m trying so hard.”
“I’m not trying to force you Sergio, but I miss us. I miss how we used to be before Fernando came back into your life. I can’t go on like this. I remember how it used to be, when it was you and me, and I want it back. If I can’t have that, well then….I don’t want any of it. If you can’t let him go, if you come to that realization you need to tell me, because I can’t be with someone that is only half there.”
Sergio finishes pouring his coffee, and walks across the room to envelope Emma in a hug. He breathes in the smell of her hair, and presses a soft kiss to her nose.
“I promise Emma, I promise it’s done. I promise it’s just you and me. Fernando is just a friend now.”
Sergio really hopes, rather than believes, that these words are true.
A couple months pass in which Sergio makes every effort to be happy for Fernando and Frank. Things still aren’t quite like they were before, but he and Emma are sincerely working on their relationship, doing the things they used to do early in their relationship: date night every week, making puchero for her on the days when the chill of London is even too much for her Scottish blood, going to art shows. One weekend Sergio surprises her by taking her away to a bed & breakfast for the weekend (even though he hates the rain in Wales) They come back from that weekend with new hope; both sincerely believing that things can, and will, go back to how they used to be.
He and Fernando continue to run every weekend. Fernando (and sometimes Frank) joins Sergio for his weekly pick-up games. They continue their conversations about everything and anything. Sergio does not continue to touch Fernando. Sergio does not (ever) ask about Fernando’s love life. And Sergio never lets Fernando catch him looking at his ass while they run (Fernando continues to notice though).
Before he knows it’s time for their (he’d given into Fernando’s nagging about running the half-marathon with him) first practice race. It’s only a 10K (6.2 miles) but, according to Fernando’s training manual (he’d bought a copy for Sergio, which Sergio had ended up using as a coaster) it was a good measuring stick. If they could run this and not fall apart, sticking to their accustomed paces, then they’d do just fine running a half marathon (13.1 miles). He and Fernando start off at the same pace, and then at about the five mile mark Fernando seems to get a second wind. As he starts to break away from Sergio, he looks behind him, silently asking if it’s ok. Sergio smiles as best he can, pushing Fernando gently forward. Fernando doesn’t run too far ahead of him, so Sergio is able to see him finish a minute ahead of him. He loses him, however, in the crush of runners at the end. When he does find him, he wishes he hadn’t. He watches, face suddenly grim, his runners’ high gone, as Frank hugs Fernando and kisses him, open mouthed in front of everyone watching (no one really is, just Sergio). Instead of pushing him away, like almost every single time Sergio had been affectionate in public, Fernando deepens the kiss, before breaking away slowly and looking back to meet Sergio’s eyes. Fernando’s smile falters a little, but he doesn’t let go of Frank as he gestures for Sergio to come and join them. Frank kisses Fernando’s cheek, and Sergio, quite suddenly, realizes that doesn’t want anyone to kiss Fernando except him ever again. It reminds him of another time, many years ago, when he realized the exact same thing.
Sergio and Fernando are hanging out at Sergio’s favorite flamenco bar one night after their weekly pick-up game. Everyone else was too exhausted to join them, but Sergio had managed to drag Fernando out with him. He didn’t really care if anyone else joined them; he just wanted to spend time with Fernando, time that didn’t include studying, or watching Fernando frown at his computer. He didn’t know what it was about his freckled, uptight, roommate that so intrigued him, but after that evening he, Fernando, Pepe, and Xabi had gone out, he’d increasingly found ways to spend time with Fernando. He didn’t stop to think about it too much, it wasn’t really in his nature. Sergio usually acted first, and thought later, if at all. He looks over at Fernando shoving him jokingly on the shoulder.
“You aren’t still mad at me for that tackle earlier are you?” But Fernando isn’t paying attention. His attention is focused elsewhere; specifically at the door, where Cesc has just appeared. Cesc smiles widely as he sees Fernando. Bounding in with all the energy Sergio has come to associate with him, he rushes up to Fernando, kissing him full on the mouth. Fernando blushes and pushes him gently away, but Sergio doesn’t notice because he’s suddenly realized something, he wants to be the one kissing Fernando. Suddenly it all makes sense- his ever increasing need to spend time with Fernando, to watch him as he eats, studies, and drools as he naps on his law books. He wants to be the one that kisses Fernando in flamenco bars, he wants to be the one that kisses away the creases in his forehead when he gets frustrated, and he wants to curl up behind him at night when he collapses, exhausted from overworking himself, and wrap his arms around him. He wants to be Fernando Torres’ boyfriend. Unfortunately, for Sergio, Fernando already has one of those.
Frank’s voice brings him abruptly back to the present.
“Hey Sergio, good job mate. “
Sergio forces himself to smile at him, at both of them. “Thanks Frank, although Fernando still beat me.”
“Not by much though, huh Sese? Only like what a minute maybe? That half-marathon is going to be a piece of cake.” Fernando smiles softly
“Sure Fernando.”
“So do you want to join Nando and I for drinks? You guys deserve to down a few pints after this race.”
Before the kiss, Sergio would have been more than willing to join the pair of them at the pub, but now, now, he’s not feeling so conciliatory. Now he just wants to go home and sulk.
“No thanks guys. I told Emma I’d come right home after the race. We’re supposed to go out to lunch with some of her friends; I can’t go smelling like this.” (he and Emma have no such plans)
Fernando looks disappointed but he hugs Sergio as he leaves, congratulating him, and apologizing for the smell. (Sergio doesn’t mind at all)
Emma asks about the race when he gets home. He tells her it was fine, takes a shower, and then spends the rest of the day watching football on the TV and drinking his own beer. That night they have sex, but instead of sleeping intertwined as usually do, they sleep on opposite sides of the bed, each wrapped up in their own thoughts. Sergio lays awake for a long time, his thoughts consumed by Fernando and Arsenal (the Carling Cup is the following evening).
When he wakes up the next day, he is sure of two things: Arsenal will win its first trophy this evening, and two, when they win he’s going to propose to Emma because he’s done with Fernando Torres.