A Story of a Man & his turtle (Chapter 5)
Title: A story of a man and his turtle (5/5)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Fernando Torres/Sergio Ramos (Steven Gerrard, Daniel Agger, and Jamie Carragher make appearances throughout)
Warning: none..it is crack!fic so expect ridiculousness
Disclaimer: so completely false, I have no idea if Fernando has pet turtles. That being said this is a crack fic. It is completely ridiculous, and is in no way meant to be taken seriously
Summary: Everyone wants to know the real reason Fernando left Liverpool for Chelsea, well the answer, surprisingly, is......for a turtle
Author Notes: I'm so sorry for taking so long to update. I had half of this written, and then I moved (not just across town, but to a different city). The move, to put it lightly, didn't go smoothly, and I've just gotten my internet re-connected today. This is the last chapter in the "Horsey saga" (as I like to call it).This was my first, and probably last, attempt at crack fic. I do hope you enjoyed, and that you enjoy this last chapter. Thanks to kylijah for bribing encouraging me to write this. Thanks also goes to kissmecait17 for always looking over these chapters & for also goading me into writing this.
Also thanks to all of you who've commented, I really do appreciate it. That being said, please, if you enjoyed (or even if you think its crap) comment. as a gooner yesterday was hard, and comments, along with wine, help me to forget that my team is rubbish
link to previous chapters can be found here
The match against Liverpool was an unqualified disaster, at least for Fernando. It was hard to look at the opposing team, and see the guys that had been his team mates only two weeks ago. He knew Steven was hurt, and Fernando could never tell him the truth. Steven would believe that Fernando had left him, just like Xabi left him. If he only could tell him, explain to him, he knew Steven would understand, but he can’t. He can feel Carragher’s eyes on him as he hugs Steven, and knows he can’t answer the questions, or heal the hurt, he sees in Steven’s eyes.
When he walks onto the field, Fernando can feel millions of eyes watching him from the field and through the t.v. He wonders if Sergio is watching, he hopes Sergio is watching, the thought calms him…….briefly. The match itself is very anticlimactic, or so it would see to the outsider, but to Fernando it is anything but. He feels the presence of his former teammates everywhere, even while he’s trying to connect with his new ones. Agger’s elbow to the face comes as a shock, he falls not because it hurts, ok it hurts a bit, but because he’s shocked. It’s a meaningless challenge, and was done purely out of spite. As he falls to the ground, he catches the smirk on his face, and it hurts, it hurts knowing that he’ll never be able to tell him the truth either. Daniel and Steven opinions of him will be forever changed by what Carragher forced him to do.
The match ends without a goal from him, which he knows will make the spiteful Liverpool fans who burned his jersey (didn’t they know they could send it to Africa instead? What a waste of a jersey.) happy. Frankly, he’s just happy the match is over and done with, and he doesn’t have to think about playing his old mates until next year. He wishes he could just hop at plane to Madrid that evening, but he’d booked his flight for the following day a month ago. Instead, he goes home and tries to play football with Horsey, but he isn’t interested. (he always seems to prefer to play with Sergio) He eats a piece of lettuce out of Fernando’s hand and then crawls back to his towel. Fernando wishes he could take Horsey with him, but after the week he’s had he doesn’t want to do that to him. Abramovich has promised that Horsey will be well cared for; apparently, one of his kids has a couple of turtles, and has offered to take care of Horsey while he’s gone. Fernando has no choice but to trust him
As soon as he sees Sergio, as soon as he’s in his arms, hugging him like his life depended on it (and it does, just a little bit). He knows that everything he’s done, everything he’s been through these last couple of weeks has been worth it. Everyone on the team wants to talk to him about the transfer, but he doesn’t’ want to talk to them about it, as least not right now, right now he just wants Sergio. He knows they should talk, but Fernando isn’t really in the talking mood. Instead they spend the days before the match, when they aren’t training, in bed……..and the floor……..and the shower……..and the wall.
After the match, they decide to head out to the clubs. Sergio gets drunk, while Fernando sips a beer and watches as his (secret) boyfriend flirts and dances with all the beautiful women in the club. Finally, he’s had enough, Sergio may be having fun pretending to be into all those women, but Fernando isn’t enjoying watching him dance up against them, particularly the one with the tight leather pants. He finishes up his beer and exits the club, intent on catching the next cab, Sergio catches him, though, before he can do that.
“Hey Fernando where are you going? Not back to the hotel? It’s still early, you should stay and celebrate. We won after all.”
“Celebrate? We won by one point, one point that I didn’t score, and it was just a friendly. “
“Oh come on Fernando, you can’t always score the goals. It isn’t always all about you.”
Fernando can feel the heat rising in his face. After all he’s done for Sergio, for them, for Horsey, the last thing he wants to hear from is this.
He pushes Sergio away, and starts to get into a taxi, but his dramatic exit is ruined as Sergio jumps into the cab with him. The cab ride is awkward and silent, but as soon as Sergio shuts the door to their hotel room, Fernando lays into him.
“How you dare you tell me it’s not all about me, after all I’ve been through these last few weeks, and after all I’ve done for you, for us. Where the fuck do you get off telling me that? Especially after I saw you flirting with that woman in leather.”
“Fer, there will always be women in leather flirting with me…….you should wear leather more often, show off that ass of yours.”
“Not the point Sergio.”
“Well Fernando, I seem to remember asking you if you wanted to talk about it when we first got here, but you were more interested in having sex.” Sergio reaches out and runs his hand along Fernando’s face and down his neck.
“Do you want to tell me about it now?”
Fernando relaxes under Sergio’s touch. He had overreacted, and Sergio had a point, he hadn’t wanted to talk. How was Sergio supposed to know what he was feeling, or what he experienced, if he didn’t tell him? The news only conveyed so much. He nods, and then he begins to tell Sergio about the hell he’d gone through in the last week. Sergio listens, and when Fernando is done, Sergio gives him one of the best blow jobs he’s had in his life. When he’s done, he looks up at Fernando, his mouth swollen, and his eyes sincere.
“Fernando………thank you.”
Fernando laughs.
“I should be thanking you, but you’re welcome.”
Sergio flies back to London with Fernando after the friendly. He’s only staying for a few days but somehow Sergio seems to have acquired a second carry-on bag. Fernando wants to ask why, but he’s found that with Sergio it’s usually just better not to ask. Sergio walks around Fernando’s new place eyes wide open.
“Who sent that?” Sergio points to a gift basket with a bottle of very expensive French wine (there had also been some very nice French cheese which Fernando had already put in the fridge),and an Arsenal jersey made to fit a turtle.
Fernando opens his mouth to answer, but then Sergio sees the note, and picks it up.
“Fernando I can’t read it.”
“ It’s from Arsene Wenger, the Arsenal manager.”
“Why is the Arsenal manager sending you gift baskets? You didn’t sign with Arsenal.”
“Here I’ll read you the note, you’ll enjoy it…." Fernando pauses for dramatic effect. "Dear Mr. Torres, please accept this gift basket on behalf of myself, and for Arsenal FC. Your transfer has ensured that Barcelona will not be able to afford Cesc Fabregas this summer. You have enabled me, and Arsenal, to ask for much more than we would originally been able to ask for, and for that we are in debt. I have included the finest French wine (I would suggest waiting another few months to open it though), cheeses, and a customized Arsenal jersey for your pet turtle. (Mr. Fabregas mentioned that you had a pet turtle that you had a set of jerseys for. Do not concern yourself over my telling anyone, as I am no stranger to player’s oddities when it comes to their pets) Once again, thank you.
Best wishes for your future (we would appreciate it if you didn’t score against us though the next time Arsenal faces Chelsea) Arsene Wegner.”
“Wow! Well Liverpool may hate you, but it sounds like you’ve got Arsenal’s support. I hope Barcelona doesn’t get Cesc, they’d be even more unstoppable then they are now.”
“You could always move to London.”
“Arsenal would never pay for me, according to you at least.”
“No Sese, I meant somewhere else.”
“Oh, you mean Chelsea. Hmmm, we’ll see, right now though I want to see my baby. Where’s Horsey?”
“He’s in the bedroom.”
“Ok, I’ll be right there, I need to go get my bag.”
It turns out the second bag was completely full of new toys for Horsey.
“Sergio does Horsey really need a floating log, or a turtle cliff……oh my God, what if he tries to jump? He might have turtle ptsd from his traumatic kidnapping.”
“Chill Fernando, if he jumps, or more likely slides, off his cliff it will be into the water.”
Sergio places the log and the cliff into Horsey’s tank and pours some more water into the tank.
Horsey, as always, is excited to see Sergio. Sergio picks him up and looks at him, whispering words
Fernando can’t hear, before placing him on the log.
“See he likes his log.”
“He always likes everything you get him, it’s because you spoil him. I have to be the mean one.”
“Well here’s something you’ll both like. I got it made as soon as I you told me you were going to Chelsea.”
Sergio pulls a blue turtle sized jersey out of his bag. It’s got Fernando’s name and number on it.
“I figured he needed his dad’s new jersey.” Sergio smirks. “We can always burn the Liverpool one.”
“Oh, right very funny Sese. Now you aren’t going to get lucky tonight.”
“Oh?” Sergio cocks his eyebrow. “What if I did this?” Sergio’s hand sneaks down Fernando’s pants, squeezing just so.
“Ummmmm I’d have to think about.”
Sergio hand begins moving back and forth. “What about now?” His breath ghosting against Fernando’s ear.
“Well if you insist.”
“I do.”
“First I have to take Horsey’s tank outside, he can’t watch.”
“Way to kill the moment Fernando.” Sergio pushes him on the bed, trapping Fernando with his body.
“He’ll be fine, he won’t even care, he’s too busy with his new toys. Now it’s time for me to continue to thank you, so shut up.”
~
“Oh my God, look Sergio he was watching, he’s sitting on his cliff watching us.”
“Well maybe that was the last straw for him, and he’s going to jump.”
“Shut up Sese.”
“Make me.”
Fernando makes him.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Fernando Torres/Sergio Ramos (Steven Gerrard, Daniel Agger, and Jamie Carragher make appearances throughout)
Warning: none..it is crack!fic so expect ridiculousness
Disclaimer: so completely false, I have no idea if Fernando has pet turtles. That being said this is a crack fic. It is completely ridiculous, and is in no way meant to be taken seriously
Summary: Everyone wants to know the real reason Fernando left Liverpool for Chelsea, well the answer, surprisingly, is......for a turtle
Author Notes: I'm so sorry for taking so long to update. I had half of this written, and then I moved (not just across town, but to a different city). The move, to put it lightly, didn't go smoothly, and I've just gotten my internet re-connected today. This is the last chapter in the "Horsey saga" (as I like to call it).This was my first, and probably last, attempt at crack fic. I do hope you enjoyed, and that you enjoy this last chapter. Thanks to kylijah for bribing encouraging me to write this. Thanks also goes to kissmecait17 for always looking over these chapters & for also goading me into writing this.
Also thanks to all of you who've commented, I really do appreciate it. That being said, please, if you enjoyed (or even if you think its crap) comment. as a gooner yesterday was hard, and comments, along with wine, help me to forget that my team is rubbish
link to previous chapters can be found here
The match against Liverpool was an unqualified disaster, at least for Fernando. It was hard to look at the opposing team, and see the guys that had been his team mates only two weeks ago. He knew Steven was hurt, and Fernando could never tell him the truth. Steven would believe that Fernando had left him, just like Xabi left him. If he only could tell him, explain to him, he knew Steven would understand, but he can’t. He can feel Carragher’s eyes on him as he hugs Steven, and knows he can’t answer the questions, or heal the hurt, he sees in Steven’s eyes.
When he walks onto the field, Fernando can feel millions of eyes watching him from the field and through the t.v. He wonders if Sergio is watching, he hopes Sergio is watching, the thought calms him…….briefly. The match itself is very anticlimactic, or so it would see to the outsider, but to Fernando it is anything but. He feels the presence of his former teammates everywhere, even while he’s trying to connect with his new ones. Agger’s elbow to the face comes as a shock, he falls not because it hurts, ok it hurts a bit, but because he’s shocked. It’s a meaningless challenge, and was done purely out of spite. As he falls to the ground, he catches the smirk on his face, and it hurts, it hurts knowing that he’ll never be able to tell him the truth either. Daniel and Steven opinions of him will be forever changed by what Carragher forced him to do.
The match ends without a goal from him, which he knows will make the spiteful Liverpool fans who burned his jersey (didn’t they know they could send it to Africa instead? What a waste of a jersey.) happy. Frankly, he’s just happy the match is over and done with, and he doesn’t have to think about playing his old mates until next year. He wishes he could just hop at plane to Madrid that evening, but he’d booked his flight for the following day a month ago. Instead, he goes home and tries to play football with Horsey, but he isn’t interested. (he always seems to prefer to play with Sergio) He eats a piece of lettuce out of Fernando’s hand and then crawls back to his towel. Fernando wishes he could take Horsey with him, but after the week he’s had he doesn’t want to do that to him. Abramovich has promised that Horsey will be well cared for; apparently, one of his kids has a couple of turtles, and has offered to take care of Horsey while he’s gone. Fernando has no choice but to trust him
As soon as he sees Sergio, as soon as he’s in his arms, hugging him like his life depended on it (and it does, just a little bit). He knows that everything he’s done, everything he’s been through these last couple of weeks has been worth it. Everyone on the team wants to talk to him about the transfer, but he doesn’t’ want to talk to them about it, as least not right now, right now he just wants Sergio. He knows they should talk, but Fernando isn’t really in the talking mood. Instead they spend the days before the match, when they aren’t training, in bed……..and the floor……..and the shower……..and the wall.
After the match, they decide to head out to the clubs. Sergio gets drunk, while Fernando sips a beer and watches as his (secret) boyfriend flirts and dances with all the beautiful women in the club. Finally, he’s had enough, Sergio may be having fun pretending to be into all those women, but Fernando isn’t enjoying watching him dance up against them, particularly the one with the tight leather pants. He finishes up his beer and exits the club, intent on catching the next cab, Sergio catches him, though, before he can do that.
“Hey Fernando where are you going? Not back to the hotel? It’s still early, you should stay and celebrate. We won after all.”
“Celebrate? We won by one point, one point that I didn’t score, and it was just a friendly. “
“Oh come on Fernando, you can’t always score the goals. It isn’t always all about you.”
Fernando can feel the heat rising in his face. After all he’s done for Sergio, for them, for Horsey, the last thing he wants to hear from is this.
He pushes Sergio away, and starts to get into a taxi, but his dramatic exit is ruined as Sergio jumps into the cab with him. The cab ride is awkward and silent, but as soon as Sergio shuts the door to their hotel room, Fernando lays into him.
“How you dare you tell me it’s not all about me, after all I’ve been through these last few weeks, and after all I’ve done for you, for us. Where the fuck do you get off telling me that? Especially after I saw you flirting with that woman in leather.”
“Fer, there will always be women in leather flirting with me…….you should wear leather more often, show off that ass of yours.”
“Not the point Sergio.”
“Well Fernando, I seem to remember asking you if you wanted to talk about it when we first got here, but you were more interested in having sex.” Sergio reaches out and runs his hand along Fernando’s face and down his neck.
“Do you want to tell me about it now?”
Fernando relaxes under Sergio’s touch. He had overreacted, and Sergio had a point, he hadn’t wanted to talk. How was Sergio supposed to know what he was feeling, or what he experienced, if he didn’t tell him? The news only conveyed so much. He nods, and then he begins to tell Sergio about the hell he’d gone through in the last week. Sergio listens, and when Fernando is done, Sergio gives him one of the best blow jobs he’s had in his life. When he’s done, he looks up at Fernando, his mouth swollen, and his eyes sincere.
“Fernando………thank you.”
Fernando laughs.
“I should be thanking you, but you’re welcome.”
Sergio flies back to London with Fernando after the friendly. He’s only staying for a few days but somehow Sergio seems to have acquired a second carry-on bag. Fernando wants to ask why, but he’s found that with Sergio it’s usually just better not to ask. Sergio walks around Fernando’s new place eyes wide open.
“Who sent that?” Sergio points to a gift basket with a bottle of very expensive French wine (there had also been some very nice French cheese which Fernando had already put in the fridge),and an Arsenal jersey made to fit a turtle.
Fernando opens his mouth to answer, but then Sergio sees the note, and picks it up.
“Fernando I can’t read it.”
“ It’s from Arsene Wenger, the Arsenal manager.”
“Why is the Arsenal manager sending you gift baskets? You didn’t sign with Arsenal.”
“Here I’ll read you the note, you’ll enjoy it…." Fernando pauses for dramatic effect. "Dear Mr. Torres, please accept this gift basket on behalf of myself, and for Arsenal FC. Your transfer has ensured that Barcelona will not be able to afford Cesc Fabregas this summer. You have enabled me, and Arsenal, to ask for much more than we would originally been able to ask for, and for that we are in debt. I have included the finest French wine (I would suggest waiting another few months to open it though), cheeses, and a customized Arsenal jersey for your pet turtle. (Mr. Fabregas mentioned that you had a pet turtle that you had a set of jerseys for. Do not concern yourself over my telling anyone, as I am no stranger to player’s oddities when it comes to their pets) Once again, thank you.
Best wishes for your future (we would appreciate it if you didn’t score against us though the next time Arsenal faces Chelsea) Arsene Wegner.”
“Wow! Well Liverpool may hate you, but it sounds like you’ve got Arsenal’s support. I hope Barcelona doesn’t get Cesc, they’d be even more unstoppable then they are now.”
“You could always move to London.”
“Arsenal would never pay for me, according to you at least.”
“No Sese, I meant somewhere else.”
“Oh, you mean Chelsea. Hmmm, we’ll see, right now though I want to see my baby. Where’s Horsey?”
“He’s in the bedroom.”
“Ok, I’ll be right there, I need to go get my bag.”
It turns out the second bag was completely full of new toys for Horsey.
“Sergio does Horsey really need a floating log, or a turtle cliff……oh my God, what if he tries to jump? He might have turtle ptsd from his traumatic kidnapping.”
“Chill Fernando, if he jumps, or more likely slides, off his cliff it will be into the water.”
Sergio places the log and the cliff into Horsey’s tank and pours some more water into the tank.
Horsey, as always, is excited to see Sergio. Sergio picks him up and looks at him, whispering words
Fernando can’t hear, before placing him on the log.
“See he likes his log.”
“He always likes everything you get him, it’s because you spoil him. I have to be the mean one.”
“Well here’s something you’ll both like. I got it made as soon as I you told me you were going to Chelsea.”
Sergio pulls a blue turtle sized jersey out of his bag. It’s got Fernando’s name and number on it.
“I figured he needed his dad’s new jersey.” Sergio smirks. “We can always burn the Liverpool one.”
“Oh, right very funny Sese. Now you aren’t going to get lucky tonight.”
“Oh?” Sergio cocks his eyebrow. “What if I did this?” Sergio’s hand sneaks down Fernando’s pants, squeezing just so.
“Ummmmm I’d have to think about.”
Sergio hand begins moving back and forth. “What about now?” His breath ghosting against Fernando’s ear.
“Well if you insist.”
“I do.”
“First I have to take Horsey’s tank outside, he can’t watch.”
“Way to kill the moment Fernando.” Sergio pushes him on the bed, trapping Fernando with his body.
“He’ll be fine, he won’t even care, he’s too busy with his new toys. Now it’s time for me to continue to thank you, so shut up.”
~
“Oh my God, look Sergio he was watching, he’s sitting on his cliff watching us.”
“Well maybe that was the last straw for him, and he’s going to jump.”
“Shut up Sese.”
“Make me.”
Fernando makes him.