Sylvia
Been awfully Plath lately. Lots of morbid thinking, and this life is the gallows itself, not death.
Ahem.
Seriously, though. She and I are afflcited with this same awful desire to get it over with, even though there are so many things that I do not want to ever end. Depression kind of takes the reigns, and it leaves me in the ditch.
And now my doctor has put a thought into my head, a strange glimmer of hope. I have been told that I do not have to feel this way, that there is a treatment out there which is quite effective in cases like mine. Cases like mine...
And it is hope that I feel, and fear, and shame, and curiousity as I think over the possibilities. Will I agree to this? Will I allow medical professionals to administer ECT? And what will happen to me afterward?
Pelham is still in the hospital. Tomorrow will be a lunar month.
Trast's bald spot is getting bigger, and he looks at me with disdain now, something new.
Ayden seems fine.
Ned. Ugh. He wobbles between trying his best to be supportive and loving, and yelling at me, blaming me for my mind frame.
Life is actually good. I mean it. I have more now that ever before. So why am I still so sad?
Ahem.
Seriously, though. She and I are afflcited with this same awful desire to get it over with, even though there are so many things that I do not want to ever end. Depression kind of takes the reigns, and it leaves me in the ditch.
And now my doctor has put a thought into my head, a strange glimmer of hope. I have been told that I do not have to feel this way, that there is a treatment out there which is quite effective in cases like mine. Cases like mine...
And it is hope that I feel, and fear, and shame, and curiousity as I think over the possibilities. Will I agree to this? Will I allow medical professionals to administer ECT? And what will happen to me afterward?
Pelham is still in the hospital. Tomorrow will be a lunar month.
Trast's bald spot is getting bigger, and he looks at me with disdain now, something new.
Ayden seems fine.
Ned. Ugh. He wobbles between trying his best to be supportive and loving, and yelling at me, blaming me for my mind frame.
Life is actually good. I mean it. I have more now that ever before. So why am I still so sad?