Well I guess it's time I posted something...
For the last five years or so, I've been taking meds to deal with the big D. No, not diabetes... I've been taking meds for way longer than that for diabetes. No, the big D is depression.
Why is depression the big D? Well, it trumps just about everything else.
Not in terms of what is most important to treat. That's probably my heart disease. But depression can, and does, affect every other condition I have. You see, you have to be motivated to take care of yourself. And depression robs you of that. It robs you of the ability to do anything about, well just about anything.
Imagine... a friend bring his new computer over because he wants to transfer some files off his old one, and you're the person he thinks knows the most about computers because it's what you do for a living (and he sees you more often than his brother, who also works in IT). You work on it, and something goes wrong. Nothing you screwed up, just something got messed up and now it's going to be a bigger hassle to fix. Normally this wouldn't bother you. Afterall, you're doing it for free and it will eventually get straightened out. But instead of that conclusion, you end up crying, actually crying, because you let someone down.
That's nuts.
Well that's depression.
You try to sleep at night and you're all tied up in knots about everything that's wrong in your life. And no matter how good things are going, you're never more than 10 second away from feeling as if you're in a deep, dark hole all alone. That's depression.
And it's treatable. In fact, it's been fairly well controlled for the past five years. Except when your body builds up a tolerance for the meds and they stop working quite so well. Then you need to adjust them. But it's not that simple. You can't just stop taking these things... well, you can but it'd be stupid. Like suicidally stupid. No, you have to slowly step down on one and then switch to or add another.
But that stepping down is removing the safety net that's been there to catch you those five years. And when you stumble... now you hit the ground hard.
This is where I'm at right now.
So that's my personal pity party. Thanks for coming.
Peace. Out.
Why is depression the big D? Well, it trumps just about everything else.
Not in terms of what is most important to treat. That's probably my heart disease. But depression can, and does, affect every other condition I have. You see, you have to be motivated to take care of yourself. And depression robs you of that. It robs you of the ability to do anything about, well just about anything.
Imagine... a friend bring his new computer over because he wants to transfer some files off his old one, and you're the person he thinks knows the most about computers because it's what you do for a living (and he sees you more often than his brother, who also works in IT). You work on it, and something goes wrong. Nothing you screwed up, just something got messed up and now it's going to be a bigger hassle to fix. Normally this wouldn't bother you. Afterall, you're doing it for free and it will eventually get straightened out. But instead of that conclusion, you end up crying, actually crying, because you let someone down.
That's nuts.
Well that's depression.
You try to sleep at night and you're all tied up in knots about everything that's wrong in your life. And no matter how good things are going, you're never more than 10 second away from feeling as if you're in a deep, dark hole all alone. That's depression.
And it's treatable. In fact, it's been fairly well controlled for the past five years. Except when your body builds up a tolerance for the meds and they stop working quite so well. Then you need to adjust them. But it's not that simple. You can't just stop taking these things... well, you can but it'd be stupid. Like suicidally stupid. No, you have to slowly step down on one and then switch to or add another.
But that stepping down is removing the safety net that's been there to catch you those five years. And when you stumble... now you hit the ground hard.
This is where I'm at right now.
So that's my personal pity party. Thanks for coming.
Peace. Out.