i survived this
sometimes, when i am going to sleep, my thoughts wander, and I remember distinctly the night i was almost gang raped. I had gone for a walk late one evening, when i sat down on a grassy knoll to rest. A boy, came up to me and started talking to me. He was on his way to pick up weed, and asked me if i wanted to smoke with him. I wasnt too sure, but i hadnt smoked in a while, and my psychosis was really acting up. So I said yes, and he said to wait where i was. as he biked away, I changed my mind, and started walking back home. He suddenly came up behind me, and convinced me to go with him, he said that his friends were waiting for him to come back with weed. So then I was sure that he was just going to smoke me up, and maybe id make out with him, cause he was cute. anyway, we get to this place, where he got his friends, and we hung out on a stairwell, rolling, and talking. he stayed near me and i kind of rested against him. he took me and his friends to a fence that lead into this garage, where it was pitch dark, in order to smoke the joint, I was kind of hesitant, but he practically carried me in, and I thought it would be ok. Since they all seemed harmless. So, the joint was smoked, and him and i were cuddling. He took me somewhere separate away from his friends, and he started to sweet talk me. I didnt want to do anything but kiss him, but his hands were all over me, and I broke apart, saying that i didnt want to do this here, in the dark where i dont know where i am, with his friends nearby, and i was nervous and babbling, and i was like, not without condoms, and uh, im on my period. I felt pressured for sure, and I started to walk away, they all cornered me, and I had to convince myself to be present, and deal. I knew that they all wanted to fuck me but I had just wanted to be with that one guy. He was sweet, cute, and then he was ugly, insistent, and he grabbed my sweater and tried to pull me back as i tried to make my way to the fence. I said that I needed to go, and my sweater ripped. I used my force to make my way to the fence, and ran out, and ran until I felt safe. I keep thinking about what could have happened to me if i hadnt gotten away. They prolly had no condoms, and in the dark, in an abandoned underground parking lot, who knows what demons they would have let loose? who knows what they would have done to the stupid bitch who got herself in such a situation. if they had really wanted to, they could have held me captive and raped me. But I got away, I survived, and I threw away the sweater. it was caelans anyway.