(no subject)
what little i saw of mexico was nice. puerto vallarta is an unbelievably gorgeous city, with lush jungle hills lining the beachfront. this was by far my favorite part of the trip. we jumped on a public bus into town, my and my five relatives, and bounced our way into town. when they took a taxi back, i walked the few miles in familiar heat and humidity to soak up the feel of the place. all of the people i interacted with in mexico were amazingly friendly and kind and the men are big flirts. i was pretty tired from my vallarta adventures and didn't get all the way into mazatlan. cabo san lucas has an amazing landscape: shrub desert meets the most amazingly blue, clear water along sandy beaches. but the city itself is one big fucking tourist trap: full of mouthy americans and resorts lacking any modesty. i did have the most amazing lunch of pacifico, ceviche, and creamy black bean soup while taking in the ocean, though. ceviche, mi amour.
otherwise the cruise was possibly even MORE boring than i had anticipated. i finished reading mcewan's atonement, which i really liked and highly recommend, but didn't bring anything else to fill the remaining 4 days. much of the time i felt exceedingly lonely, and realised for the umpteenth time in my life how important my friends are. although i am used to not actually seeing my friends for weeks at a time, being without any way of contacting them at all was very isolating. friends: i love you, i need you.
i slept poorly the whole trip because i was so fucking bored out of my brains that i went to bed too early and would lie awake for hours contemplating absolutely nothing.
my mother is much more ill than i thought. the ms is progressing very quickly, and i am scared to find out how much worse it will be. overall she is dealing with it really well: resting as much as she needs to, taking medications, keeping a daily journal, staying out of the heat, trying to get disability retirement. but still, her quality of life has been completely compromised. i'm very conflicted about how i feel, and trying hard to be positive about things when it's so easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless. i realised this past week that although i've had all these plans to leave california after i get my degree, i may have to modify these plans based on my mother's health. there are about a billion related thoughts that i fundamentally cannot deal with regarding her health and future. it's a heavy weight that i think i've successfully avoided before this trip, but now the reality is much harsher than i expected.
otherwise the cruise was possibly even MORE boring than i had anticipated. i finished reading mcewan's atonement, which i really liked and highly recommend, but didn't bring anything else to fill the remaining 4 days. much of the time i felt exceedingly lonely, and realised for the umpteenth time in my life how important my friends are. although i am used to not actually seeing my friends for weeks at a time, being without any way of contacting them at all was very isolating. friends: i love you, i need you.
i slept poorly the whole trip because i was so fucking bored out of my brains that i went to bed too early and would lie awake for hours contemplating absolutely nothing.
my mother is much more ill than i thought. the ms is progressing very quickly, and i am scared to find out how much worse it will be. overall she is dealing with it really well: resting as much as she needs to, taking medications, keeping a daily journal, staying out of the heat, trying to get disability retirement. but still, her quality of life has been completely compromised. i'm very conflicted about how i feel, and trying hard to be positive about things when it's so easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless. i realised this past week that although i've had all these plans to leave california after i get my degree, i may have to modify these plans based on my mother's health. there are about a billion related thoughts that i fundamentally cannot deal with regarding her health and future. it's a heavy weight that i think i've successfully avoided before this trip, but now the reality is much harsher than i expected.