hey
i feel like suuuuch a loser. i dunno y i cant be a normal college guy and enjoy sports and getting drunk and thats it. Sometimes I feel like life would just be a lot easier if i didnt have all these fuking different sides of me pulling at me constantly from every direction trying to spell out who i am... Because the truth is i am 21 years old and I still have very little ideas about exactly who i am. i think i have things perfectly planned out and sure enough guess what happens...the only seat left in the whole place was next to her!! at first i was thinking it was a Godsend after all but then I realized that this girl already has her eyes and mind on someone else. Its a lost cause it really is. I cant compete with that. I wish I could but I cant. Cuz Im not what shes looking for I know Im not. She wants the baseball player who she can kiss on the mound after he throws a perfect game for her. Tall big and broad who can carry her away to her hearts desire. Im not that guy. Sometimes I wish I was but im not. IDK when ill find someone who I feel good about. Maybe one day, but sometimes I feel like I should just turn gay and try my luck on the other side of the coin. But I guess that would be taking the easy way out right I have to keep trying to find love. Maybe this isnt the end with this girl, but something tells me I should pack my bags and move on b4 I continue to let my heart seep in more puddles of dissapointment.