Do our smiles change as we get older?

[notlikelly]

I've been wondering this a lot, especially while looking at old pictures. Of course they have to change with our faces, but I think that the feelings behind the smiles change as well. I remember writing in a written journal a long time ago something like, "I save my smiles for Francis." A lot of things have changed since then, and it makes me

Comments

I want to watch that movie

[mrisaka]

Blind lead the blind and we just keep stumbling forward, convincing ourselves that there are great things always just ahead. When you stop being convinced, that's when you slip into where I am now. That's my theory. I have to go to the hospital to learn how to be fooled again so I can get back in line.

You have a nice smile. It doesn't look tired to me.

Life is "experiencing it and struggling to get to the next week". That's what we do. That's living. One of the rules of life, no matter where or when you live, is that you work your life away. We happen to work less here and now than in most societies in the history of the world. You know you're living because your heart is beating and your lungs are moving in and out and you're thinking and you feel confused and lost.

Nobody knows what it's like not to live. The minute you stop, that's it. No more. You never get to learn what it feels like not to live. You feel or you don't. You live or you don't.

I think we get to the point where suddenly we've learned enough and seen enough that we begin to think about these things and we begin to realize the true shape of the world. I think what happens next is that we realize that it is awful and yet we can't end ourselves and so we just embrace the lie because it's easier than facing the truth. It's why old people think that young people are so intense, and why young people think old people are so boring. Bla.

Why the fuck am I so philosophical all of a sudden? Pat just woke me up and made me check my car for his bowling ball. Rei was asleep on my chest. She was very cute and very comfortable. Since awakening I can't stop coughing. Thanks for the TM. Feel free to pay no attention to my weird ramblings above. Goodnight.

Re: I want to watch that movie

[notlikelly]

Well, I know I don't want to stand in lines or embrace any lies anymore. I just want to figure out where I belong and how I can get there and try to understand where I was so it never happens again.

I don't like to think that living takes fooling.

Re: I want to watch that movie

[notlikelly]

And I'll think about the movie. I hope you feel better.

Re: I want to watch that movie

[mrisaka]

I don't like to think it either, but I do anyway. I want to be happy, but I feel right now that to do so requires somehow blinding myself to the truth of the way the world really is. I used to really believe in things like love and hope and they kept me going and kept me happy. Now I don't, and I feel like all that's happened is I've opened my eyes and I don't know how to shut them again. It's like lying awake at night and you just want to sleep, but you just can't. You lie there and all you want is the peaceful darkness but you're still lying awake in your too-hot bed and the sheets are twisted and you know you're wrecking yourself and you know that the next day will suck because of this, but still, you don't sleep. I want to close my eyes to what I see as the ultimate truth right now, but I am unable to make myself believe what I perceive to be a lie.