(no subject)
.... I have no life.....
My time consists on waiting for Aubrie to call so that we can hang out and waiting for scott to call so that I know he's alive.
I have no one else. There is no one else. Heather is off doing her thing for a while which is fine. But I have no one else. I kinda slipped away from them like something slippery.
I don't know if this is a good thing or not.
I am tired of begging to be taken notice of.
I am tired of saying "we should hang out" and then nothing comes of it.
I am tired of making myself around others.
I am tired of waiting.
My car is a symbol of freedom to me.
It is still a piece of crap in a shop rusting more than it already is.
She swears that I will get a car. She swears that no matter what I will get a car. I don't know how since we are about to go further into debt than ever before.
We have no money. I only get what my father sends me which last only as long as its needed. She says to stop complaining and when I have money to put into it then i can speed it up.
I need to get out of here.
I can't stay here.
There is nothing here for me except her and him.
Who would miss me? No one really. I would be another person in their lives at one moment and the speed of life ripped me away. They would one day say whatever happened to her? That would be my moment in their life at that time. How much does that suck? :shrugs: I guess as much as it should.
I need to go
I need to get out of here.
I am trapped
I am trapped by immobility.
I am stuck in this rut because I have claws of steel imbedding themselves in my flesh.
Will someone help to rip them away?
If I hang myself I wonder who would say goodbye?
I have another wake to go to tomorrow.
so many deaths.
I can't stand looking at lifeless bodies, but I am going for support to those I love.
another death, another day.
I wonder when my turn will be...but then again who doesnt?
I watched the ABC Family movie If Only...with Jennifer Love Hewitt. and it was actually a good movie. I couldn't help but tear up. the ending rocked because it sucked. Touching really. Love...never know what you have till it's gone and then again this isn't the movies and you don't get a second chance.
Love...I wonder when my turn for that too will be.
I am not actually depressed as my past entries may sound. I am just wondering at life and it's twists and turns, ups and downs. If there isn't more of one there's room for the other to bump in and take over it seems. This is just my life...this is just a life...I have many more to come. but this one's the only one at present for me to think about. I apologize and ask for nothing. And yet somehow I tend to get more than I wish for, or less as it sometimes seems to work out.
As I think about it now, would I rather talk about these things or write like this "OH MY GOD! So Today I broke my nail AND THEN I got an F on my test. What a fucking ass mr.X is....I talked to Janis in the hallway, all she does is yap yap yap...blah blah blah" wow my IQ just went down about 5 points...need to stop.
English, AP Euro, and accounting homework await.
Love always
Thinking of you
Lisa
My time consists on waiting for Aubrie to call so that we can hang out and waiting for scott to call so that I know he's alive.
I have no one else. There is no one else. Heather is off doing her thing for a while which is fine. But I have no one else. I kinda slipped away from them like something slippery.
I don't know if this is a good thing or not.
I am tired of begging to be taken notice of.
I am tired of saying "we should hang out" and then nothing comes of it.
I am tired of making myself around others.
I am tired of waiting.
My car is a symbol of freedom to me.
It is still a piece of crap in a shop rusting more than it already is.
She swears that I will get a car. She swears that no matter what I will get a car. I don't know how since we are about to go further into debt than ever before.
We have no money. I only get what my father sends me which last only as long as its needed. She says to stop complaining and when I have money to put into it then i can speed it up.
I need to get out of here.
I can't stay here.
There is nothing here for me except her and him.
Who would miss me? No one really. I would be another person in their lives at one moment and the speed of life ripped me away. They would one day say whatever happened to her? That would be my moment in their life at that time. How much does that suck? :shrugs: I guess as much as it should.
I need to go
I need to get out of here.
I am trapped
I am trapped by immobility.
I am stuck in this rut because I have claws of steel imbedding themselves in my flesh.
Will someone help to rip them away?
If I hang myself I wonder who would say goodbye?
I have another wake to go to tomorrow.
so many deaths.
I can't stand looking at lifeless bodies, but I am going for support to those I love.
another death, another day.
I wonder when my turn will be...but then again who doesnt?
I watched the ABC Family movie If Only...with Jennifer Love Hewitt. and it was actually a good movie. I couldn't help but tear up. the ending rocked because it sucked. Touching really. Love...never know what you have till it's gone and then again this isn't the movies and you don't get a second chance.
Love...I wonder when my turn for that too will be.
I am not actually depressed as my past entries may sound. I am just wondering at life and it's twists and turns, ups and downs. If there isn't more of one there's room for the other to bump in and take over it seems. This is just my life...this is just a life...I have many more to come. but this one's the only one at present for me to think about. I apologize and ask for nothing. And yet somehow I tend to get more than I wish for, or less as it sometimes seems to work out.
As I think about it now, would I rather talk about these things or write like this "OH MY GOD! So Today I broke my nail AND THEN I got an F on my test. What a fucking ass mr.X is....I talked to Janis in the hallway, all she does is yap yap yap...blah blah blah" wow my IQ just went down about 5 points...need to stop.
English, AP Euro, and accounting homework await.
Love always
Thinking of you
Lisa