When Xander Harris was a girl...
Title: When Xander Harris was a girl...
Author: nothorse
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1555
Pairing: None.
Warnings: Genderbender (as if the title didn't give that away)
Summary: After the road-trip Xander had a demony accident. And now she must cope.
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money.
My spring_with_xan contribution. The first part of it anyway.
Now with poster by katekat1010
Any kind of feedback/concrit is appreciated.
... he went to Giles first.
Actually, he probably should have checked in with Buffy first, to let her know about the freaky fireworks or with Willow for commiseration and maybe some clothes that fit. But he went with the old standby: "Freaky things" equals "Call Giles".
So he stood at Giles' doorstep, his pants drawn tight and the legs rolled up. Giles must have heard the first, very tentative knock, so he surprised Xander while he was still rehearsing his speech.
"Hi Giles, it's me Xander, I'm just back from my road-trip and there was this fire on Restfield, and I'm not supposed to be home anyway yet, so I had time and I went and wanted to check it out for Buffy and there were these demons and they were chanting and I thought chanting was of the bad and I got me some rocks and thought I could maybe get them out of the rhythm because, well rituals are pretty exact I thought and maybe I could abort them and I started throwing and they stopped and there was a freaky firework and I passed out and when I woke up, the demons were all sludgy and I'm a girl and I really can't go home that way and can you help?"
Giles frowned and examined the girl in front of him. Xander fidgeted and hitched up his pants which were sliding in defiance of the towline he had tied them with.
After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Giles sighed pinched his forehead and stepped aside in a silent invitation.
Xander let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding, and stepped inside.
"Oh thank god. I'm really glad you believe me."
"Xander, there are two things I have learned here in Sunnydale. One, never discount the impossible, it happens more often than you know and two, long, run-on sentences with utter disregard for grammar, idioms and breathing, are pretty much an identifying characteristic for Buffy, Willow and you. Besides, I can easily recognise your panicked expression. I do have some experience with it."
... he destroyed Buffy's emergency top.
"Hi Giles!" Buffy barged in like she always did, calling for Giles and only after a moment Xander's presence registered. She frowned for a moment, and gave Xander a perfunctory "Hiya, I'm Buffy."
Then she turned to Giles and pulled him away into the kitchen.
"I need to talk to you," she whispered, still loud enough for Xander to hear every word. "there's been a couple of strange demons these last days, didn't catch 'em fast enough, but since yesterday, they're gone." With a glance at Xander she continued, "And isn't she a little young for you? Not complaining, girlfriend-having Giles is definitely a good thing, but," Buffy sneaked a second peek and her eyes narrowed, "why exactly is she wearing one of my demon slime emergency tops?" She finally looked at Giles.
"Err, well, I'm not entirely sure how to explain that, it's rather a long story." Giles began, when Xander stood up, walked over and said, "Buff? It's me, Xander, I've been turned into a girl by some funky demons who are now slimy sludge drying in Restfield."
"You're Xander?" said Buffy, "prove it."
"The day when I had Amy do that spell, you came into the library and you wore only a." In a flash Buffy had her hand over Xander's mouth.
"Stop it right there. Consider it proven." She let go again and took a long look.
"Completely and totally a girl?"
Xander swallowed and nodded.
"Oh."
"Can we fix it?" Buffy turned to Giles, "Not that being a girl is a bad thing, but I prefer my male friends to stay male and not stretch out my tops totally unfairly."
... Cordelia Chase talked to him again.
Xander should have suspected something as soon as Willow and Buffy came to drag him to the Espresso Pump. When Cordelia entered, he froze and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible.
Cordelia stopped and couldn't help but stare. After an endless couple of seconds she smiled and said, "Well, I'd never have thought I'd become a retroactive lesbian."
She turned to Buffy and Willow. "Would you mind making yourself scarce for a bit? I want to talk to the dork in private, okay?"
Willow hesitated for a moment, glanced at Xander and after he gave a short nod, she got up and turned to Cordelia. "Just don't, ah you know."
When Buffy and Willow had left, Cordelia sat down, her smile faded from brilliant to sympathetic, she looked at Xander and asked softly, "How are you managing?"
"Okay. I think. There's bad days and worse days and there's tolerable days. I'm still wigging out when I wake up, but I'm getting used to it. Somewhat. I'm living with Giles currently. But I need to get out of there soon. The neighbours are staring. And thanks. For the not totally freaking out."
"You're welcome. Do your parents know?"
"God! No." Xander shook his head. "I couldn't go home that way. As far as they're concerned, I never came back from my road-trip. We check every day, so I don't miss the yard sale and have a chance to get some of my stuff back. For which Giles will have to lend me the money. Or they get it fixed in time, so I can go home and get it for free."
"Did Giles set you up with some ID already?"
"No. I'm still hoping to be myself again soon. And I owe him too much already."
"Goody." Cordelia smiled again. "Then you can owe me. I work with a guy in L.A., he has the contacts to set you up with a full I.D. and documentation."
"No way, Cordy. I really don't want to owe him"
"Not Angel, dweeb. Doyle. He's irish and seedy but decent and I've checked with him before I came. Just in case."
"As long as it's not Angel,"
"That's done then," Cordelia interrupted. "We'll get you photographed in the mall, when we do the important thing. Shopping. The jeans, t-shirt, man's shirt look is actually not to bad for you, but the shirts are too gilesy and you need better shoes. With that look, a pair of Doc's should be good."
... he drew the line at plucking his eyebrows.
"No. No. A whole world of no. I'm definitely drawing the line at painful self-mutilation. "
"But Xander." Buffy pouted. "You'd be really pretty. And we wanted to go to the Bronze. And I want to show off that totally hot new girl."
"Totally hot? You're kidding. I'm not hot, I can't be hot and I don't want to be hot."
"You are hot. Well maybe not the Cordelia Chase kind of hot, but good looking and nicely shaped."
Xander shuddered.
"Look, Buffy, I've done the make-up thing, and funny enough, I don't really mind it. If Oz can do it, I can. I've shaved my legs, and well, shaving is shaving. Shaving legs is actually a bit easier than the face." He grinned. "The nicks are less visible."
"I don't really want to wear the skirt and the blouse you picked out," he continued. "But I'll do it for you. This one evening."
Buffy smiled. "It's going to be great. The Dingoes are playing and Willow will do her groupie impersonation and we can dance and maybe pick up a cute guy for you"
"Buffy." Xander suddenly was very serious.
"Do not talk about picking up guys. I don't want to pick up guys and if you try to hook me up I'll be out of the Bronze within two breaths. I'll go out with you and Willow and I'll try to have fun, but please, promise me," Xander took Buffy by the shoulders. "Promise me, no setting up Xander with guys. Okay?"
"Okay. I promise. I'm sorry, I didn't think."
"It's good." Xander hugged her. "And I'm still not going to take a pair of tweezers and rip out my own hair."
... he considered himself straight, it was the world that was confused.
"So you're gay now?" asked Willow.
"Well. Not really. I'm straight. Or I'm the same I was. I like girls. And while my body is currently a little challenged in the testosterone department, I'm still me. And I really can't see the appeal of stubble and flat chests and penises." Xander took a large gulp of his coke.
"I mean, I'm getting used to being smaller and curvier and to having men look at me - which, hey, really creepy at first - but I'm still male and straight, just in a female body. And anyway, I'm really not in a place where I want another persons body part in me. Really really not. Not even with a girl. And I hope I'm never going to get to that place, because Giles and you will find a cure real soon now."
"But, but what if we don't. We're trying, really trying, but so far it's all," she trailed off.
"If you don't, then I'll cope. Somehow. But in all probability I'll cope with a girl, a woman and not with a man. I just hope Buffy will understand."
Willow smiled. "She seems to be deeply invested in your sexuality, doesn't she?"
Xander sighed. "Yeah. Sometimes I think she's trying to set me up with every cute guy she comes across, as if getting me romance fixes her record in that regard."
Author: nothorse
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1555
Pairing: None.
Warnings: Genderbender (as if the title didn't give that away)
Summary: After the road-trip Xander had a demony accident. And now she must cope.
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money.
My spring_with_xan contribution. The first part of it anyway.
Now with poster by katekat1010
Any kind of feedback/concrit is appreciated.
... he went to Giles first.
Actually, he probably should have checked in with Buffy first, to let her know about the freaky fireworks or with Willow for commiseration and maybe some clothes that fit. But he went with the old standby: "Freaky things" equals "Call Giles".
So he stood at Giles' doorstep, his pants drawn tight and the legs rolled up. Giles must have heard the first, very tentative knock, so he surprised Xander while he was still rehearsing his speech.
"Hi Giles, it's me Xander, I'm just back from my road-trip and there was this fire on Restfield, and I'm not supposed to be home anyway yet, so I had time and I went and wanted to check it out for Buffy and there were these demons and they were chanting and I thought chanting was of the bad and I got me some rocks and thought I could maybe get them out of the rhythm because, well rituals are pretty exact I thought and maybe I could abort them and I started throwing and they stopped and there was a freaky firework and I passed out and when I woke up, the demons were all sludgy and I'm a girl and I really can't go home that way and can you help?"
Giles frowned and examined the girl in front of him. Xander fidgeted and hitched up his pants which were sliding in defiance of the towline he had tied them with.
After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Giles sighed pinched his forehead and stepped aside in a silent invitation.
Xander let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding, and stepped inside.
"Oh thank god. I'm really glad you believe me."
"Xander, there are two things I have learned here in Sunnydale. One, never discount the impossible, it happens more often than you know and two, long, run-on sentences with utter disregard for grammar, idioms and breathing, are pretty much an identifying characteristic for Buffy, Willow and you. Besides, I can easily recognise your panicked expression. I do have some experience with it."
... he destroyed Buffy's emergency top.
"Hi Giles!" Buffy barged in like she always did, calling for Giles and only after a moment Xander's presence registered. She frowned for a moment, and gave Xander a perfunctory "Hiya, I'm Buffy."
Then she turned to Giles and pulled him away into the kitchen.
"I need to talk to you," she whispered, still loud enough for Xander to hear every word. "there's been a couple of strange demons these last days, didn't catch 'em fast enough, but since yesterday, they're gone." With a glance at Xander she continued, "And isn't she a little young for you? Not complaining, girlfriend-having Giles is definitely a good thing, but," Buffy sneaked a second peek and her eyes narrowed, "why exactly is she wearing one of my demon slime emergency tops?" She finally looked at Giles.
"Err, well, I'm not entirely sure how to explain that, it's rather a long story." Giles began, when Xander stood up, walked over and said, "Buff? It's me, Xander, I've been turned into a girl by some funky demons who are now slimy sludge drying in Restfield."
"You're Xander?" said Buffy, "prove it."
"The day when I had Amy do that spell, you came into the library and you wore only a." In a flash Buffy had her hand over Xander's mouth.
"Stop it right there. Consider it proven." She let go again and took a long look.
"Completely and totally a girl?"
Xander swallowed and nodded.
"Oh."
"Can we fix it?" Buffy turned to Giles, "Not that being a girl is a bad thing, but I prefer my male friends to stay male and not stretch out my tops totally unfairly."
... Cordelia Chase talked to him again.
Xander should have suspected something as soon as Willow and Buffy came to drag him to the Espresso Pump. When Cordelia entered, he froze and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible.
Cordelia stopped and couldn't help but stare. After an endless couple of seconds she smiled and said, "Well, I'd never have thought I'd become a retroactive lesbian."
She turned to Buffy and Willow. "Would you mind making yourself scarce for a bit? I want to talk to the dork in private, okay?"
Willow hesitated for a moment, glanced at Xander and after he gave a short nod, she got up and turned to Cordelia. "Just don't, ah you know."
When Buffy and Willow had left, Cordelia sat down, her smile faded from brilliant to sympathetic, she looked at Xander and asked softly, "How are you managing?"
"Okay. I think. There's bad days and worse days and there's tolerable days. I'm still wigging out when I wake up, but I'm getting used to it. Somewhat. I'm living with Giles currently. But I need to get out of there soon. The neighbours are staring. And thanks. For the not totally freaking out."
"You're welcome. Do your parents know?"
"God! No." Xander shook his head. "I couldn't go home that way. As far as they're concerned, I never came back from my road-trip. We check every day, so I don't miss the yard sale and have a chance to get some of my stuff back. For which Giles will have to lend me the money. Or they get it fixed in time, so I can go home and get it for free."
"Did Giles set you up with some ID already?"
"No. I'm still hoping to be myself again soon. And I owe him too much already."
"Goody." Cordelia smiled again. "Then you can owe me. I work with a guy in L.A., he has the contacts to set you up with a full I.D. and documentation."
"No way, Cordy. I really don't want to owe him"
"Not Angel, dweeb. Doyle. He's irish and seedy but decent and I've checked with him before I came. Just in case."
"As long as it's not Angel,"
"That's done then," Cordelia interrupted. "We'll get you photographed in the mall, when we do the important thing. Shopping. The jeans, t-shirt, man's shirt look is actually not to bad for you, but the shirts are too gilesy and you need better shoes. With that look, a pair of Doc's should be good."
... he drew the line at plucking his eyebrows.
"No. No. A whole world of no. I'm definitely drawing the line at painful self-mutilation. "
"But Xander." Buffy pouted. "You'd be really pretty. And we wanted to go to the Bronze. And I want to show off that totally hot new girl."
"Totally hot? You're kidding. I'm not hot, I can't be hot and I don't want to be hot."
"You are hot. Well maybe not the Cordelia Chase kind of hot, but good looking and nicely shaped."
Xander shuddered.
"Look, Buffy, I've done the make-up thing, and funny enough, I don't really mind it. If Oz can do it, I can. I've shaved my legs, and well, shaving is shaving. Shaving legs is actually a bit easier than the face." He grinned. "The nicks are less visible."
"I don't really want to wear the skirt and the blouse you picked out," he continued. "But I'll do it for you. This one evening."
Buffy smiled. "It's going to be great. The Dingoes are playing and Willow will do her groupie impersonation and we can dance and maybe pick up a cute guy for you"
"Buffy." Xander suddenly was very serious.
"Do not talk about picking up guys. I don't want to pick up guys and if you try to hook me up I'll be out of the Bronze within two breaths. I'll go out with you and Willow and I'll try to have fun, but please, promise me," Xander took Buffy by the shoulders. "Promise me, no setting up Xander with guys. Okay?"
"Okay. I promise. I'm sorry, I didn't think."
"It's good." Xander hugged her. "And I'm still not going to take a pair of tweezers and rip out my own hair."
... he considered himself straight, it was the world that was confused.
"So you're gay now?" asked Willow.
"Well. Not really. I'm straight. Or I'm the same I was. I like girls. And while my body is currently a little challenged in the testosterone department, I'm still me. And I really can't see the appeal of stubble and flat chests and penises." Xander took a large gulp of his coke.
"I mean, I'm getting used to being smaller and curvier and to having men look at me - which, hey, really creepy at first - but I'm still male and straight, just in a female body. And anyway, I'm really not in a place where I want another persons body part in me. Really really not. Not even with a girl. And I hope I'm never going to get to that place, because Giles and you will find a cure real soon now."
"But, but what if we don't. We're trying, really trying, but so far it's all," she trailed off.
"If you don't, then I'll cope. Somehow. But in all probability I'll cope with a girl, a woman and not with a man. I just hope Buffy will understand."
Willow smiled. "She seems to be deeply invested in your sexuality, doesn't she?"
Xander sighed. "Yeah. Sometimes I think she's trying to set me up with every cute guy she comes across, as if getting me romance fixes her record in that regard."