Title: Xра́брость (Courage)
Rating: PG-13
Status: Pt 6/(?)
Author Notes: BRINGING THE ANGST. I promise, this is the last of the serious angst! I will have some minor angst to finish things up in the next installment, but I think things are going to be fluffy from here on out. It's time for Blaine to heal. Extra thanks to Melati, who helped me with the therapist section <3
Blaine woke up before Kurt, smiling at how curled up and perfect he looked. He lightly kissed his forehead, and put his pajamas back on, slipping out of the room silently, heading to the common room. Wes and David were sitting, playing Call of Duty: Black Ops, when David looked up.
"Hey, there's sleeping beauty"
Blaine flipped David off, smiling the entire time, and sat down in between him and Wes, prompting them to pause the game. "So…you look…different." Wes smirked, raising an eyebrow to insinuate your ass got some. David leaned in, and Blaine suddenly felt as if he were in a musical number from Grease, with the way Wes and David were asking about his sex life.
"We…reached a mutual agreement." David pointed to Wes, and laughed out loud. "HAH, TOLD YOU FUCKER, HAND OVER THE FIFTY." Wes pouted, this being the first time he lost a bet to David. "Damnit, Blaine, I thought this would be, out of all the times, the time that you're so overbearingly dapper and gentleman-like, and you go and fuck the kid? Jesus!"
Blaine felt a blush creeping up to the roots of his hair, and he looked down. "Yeah, I need to talk to Kurt about that…" Wes and David broke their merriment and got totally serious faces on.
"What do you mean, need to talk to?"
"Well, first off, I kind of felt like I rushed things, just to make myself feel better. I didn't take a lot of consideration into what Kurt wanted…"
"What if he wanted you to fuck him until he cries? Did you ever think of that?"
"Shut up David. I think Anderson here has a point. His therapist encouraged him to date Kurt, not to anally violate him."
"When you guys put it like that, you seem to be rape fetishists, and that shit is fucked up beyond belief."
"Oh, don't let it bother you. We're just fucking with you. If you really felt that uncomfortable about doing it, talk to Kurt. I mean, was it worth it? Like, y'know…"
Blaine gulped, thinking back to the way that Kurt had melted beneath him, groans and mews leaking his mouth, him becoming damn near boneless in his grasp, and how damn brilliant he is with his mouth. "Yes. Absolutely."
David shrugged. "Then I don't see the problem, then. If the kid makes you happy, like, Mika happy, then go for it. You've already hit a home-run, you might as well bask in the glow."
"And you guys are my team mates that pat me on the back and cheer for me?"
"No," Wes said rather blankly. "We're the other team that's pissed that you have a higher score than us. Who would think the gay nutjob gets more ass than we do?"
Blaine punched Wes in the arm, laughing as David goes "I don't know what he's talking about, I've been madly in love with Wes, waiting for him to realize what he's been missing all along." David fluttered his eyelashes at Wes, and soon a pillow hits him dead in the face.
"Ok there, Taylor Swift, your joking is getting rather uncomfortable."
"Oh shut it Wes, you two are made for each other. You both need to come out of the closet."
Wes, David, and Blaine collapsed into a fit of giggles, pillows flying amongst them, and calls of "Watch out for the controller!"
After a few minutes of them goofing off, they simmered down, Wes looking over to Blaine concernedly. "No, but seriously, if you feel uncomfortable, talk to Kurt. Like David said, if he makes you happy like Mika did, then I think you'll be fine, but that's up to you, I suppose. You look like something else is up."
Blaine nodded and pointed to his arm. Wes raised an eyebrow, maintaining the silence of the conversation. Blaine pointed then to his stomach, and motioned towards the direction of his room. Wes raised both eyebrows at this point, and mouthed the word "Kurt?" Blaine nodded, and looked back down, running a finger over the ridges once more. He saw some difference in their coloring, they seemed to be getting a tad bit closer to the skin color he had naturally, but he knew it would take longer than just one night to fix scars that had been there for years. And then it hit him.
"I'm gonna go see if he's awake, alright?" Wes nodded, David going to make some sarcastic comment about waking him up, alright, but Wes cuffed him on the shoulder, and whispered "not now dude, not the time."
---
Kurt had woken up, feeling cold and warm at the same time. Warm because last night, he had Blaine inside of him, fucking him, loving him, making him whole, and at one point, he had done the same for Blaine. Blaine had a warmth that exuded from him, a warmth that was noticeably missing when Kurt awoke to find an empty bed and cold sheets. Did I scare him off?
"Hey sleepyhead."
Kurt sat up, and saw Blaine, in rumpled pajamas, curls askew, glasses on his face, and a smile sweeping from cheek to cheek. To think, that this adorable mess of a teenage boy was a dashingly handsome young man and a broken piece of art, simultaneously, made Kurt want to hold him close, to cherish him as he never had been before, to whisper sweet nothings into his curls, and to be the knight in shining armor for him, if only for just a moment, just to return the favor to Blaine.
"We need to talk."
The dreaded four words. Oh god, what did I do, he's running, shit fuck ass balls. Kurt sat Indian style, patting on the bed for Blaine to sit down. Blaine shooed it off, choosing instead to rock back and forth nervously, stumbling over words improvised, an unusual feat for someone who rehearsed in front of the mirror for hours, just to figure out how to ask someone to a dance. The fact that Kurt had made him break his well-oiled character twice in one week was a sign how quickly this adoration was breaking his shields down, and how nervous this really made him.
"About last night. It was wonderful. You were amazing, and I don't think I've ever been so happy in my life, not since Mika. And that's what scares me. That after a week of breaking down an emotional roadblock, that not only are we dating, but we're having sex and saying we love each other. You don't think that's fast Kurt?" Kurt nodded, but to be fair, he had been in love with Blaine from the moment he awkwardly grabbed his right hand with his own right, running down the halls of Dalton to head to the senior commons. Kurt just stayed silent, nodding slowly, because, honestly, it probably was fast for Blaine, and that's when Kurt felt like an asshole for everything he said last night, because no matter what Blaine actually felt, he had forced him, no doubts about it, and that was not like him by any means.
"I don't want you to think that I'm taking back what I said. I'm not. I mean it. I just want to be able to say it again when I feel there has been enough time. I'm afraid of how quickly I've fallen for you, I'm afraid of setting you and I up for disaster. I know I said that I was too afraid to admit it to myself. I think I still am. I'm too afraid to admit how quickly I've fallen, I'm too afraid to admit how bad this could turn out for me, for my treatment. I know we can work through this, I just want to know if you have the faith in me to do this." Good job Blaine, you sounded pretty elegant for a sniveling douchebag.
Kurt nodded, rather deflated, but responded only with "Can we still kiss and cuddle?" Out of all the things I ask, not, "Then why did you say it" or "What made you second guess yourself," I ask if we can still cuddle. Priorities Kurt, you sure have them.
Blaine smiled. "Why would I deprive my boyfriend of that?"
---
OMG, dave. blaine's doing his "i'm gonna play one song over and over for a month" angst again. - Wes
Dude. What song. - D
"have faith in me." adtr - Wes
Oh goddamnit. I'm on my way. - D
---
Blaine had been sitting in his therapist's office for roughly 20 minutes, when the secretary motioned for him to go into the room. Blaine nodded, his palms sweaty. Even though he had gone into this room for three years, this was the first time he had good news of this level for Dr. Thompson, and he was also afraid that it was horrible news at the same time. He walked in, sitting down nervously on the couch, worrying a corner of the decorative afghan as the therapist gathered his files.
"So, Blaine. How have you been since we last met?" Dr Thompson, Richard, as he liked to remind Blaine to call him, crossed his leg, opening up a notepad, pen poised.
"Well…I had sex with Kurt."
Richard blinked a few times, then furiously wrote down things on his notepad. Blaine would kill to see what was on that notepad, and notepads past, but maybe it was best that he didn't know. "How did that make you feel?"
"Uhm, I got laid, Richard, what do you think."
"Blaine, I'm being serious."
"He told me he loved me."
Richard nodded, watching as Blaine started to wring his hands, becoming more and more introverted, like the disturbed 14 year old boy who had come into his office years ago. He saw the nervous ticks happen in order: first the wringing of hands, then, the nervous bouncing of his leg. Soon, he would be combing his fingers through his hair, and then finally would be cracking his knuckles, his neck,his back, anything to distract his thoughts from the subject at hand. Richard waited patiently, letting Blaine get comfortable.
"He told me he loved me, and I said it back. I told him how I felt, how I had loved him since I first met him, how he made me feel happy since Mika, and that I was too afraid to admit it to myself. But for some reason, I'm going backwards and as much as I want to be able to simply say 'I love you', I can't. I get nauseous thinking about it, but happy at the same time. It's like I'm allergic to the butterflies in my stomach."
"Do you ever think, Blaine, that you just feel guilty? That you feel guilty for loving Kurt, that it's a betrayal to Mika? Or is it that you're afraid? Afraid of what happened to Mika happening to Kurt?"
"No…it's not that at all."
"Then what is it Blaine."
"He has cuts. He ran from his school. I'm afraid of loving him because he's me, and I can't stand myself for what I did after Mika died."