(Untitled)

[nothingtomiss]

It takes him longer than it should to put it all together.

He wakes up slowly, stretching both arms over his head. On mornings like this, he spends an our or so awake in bed before he gets up and goes his separate ways, slipping back into bed with Terry before she's up for the day. It's a slow start to the day and it always feels glorious.

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[number_unlucky]

I was only slightly worried. Slightly, because usually Nate had been back from Brad's by now, but there wasn't exactly much that could have happened to him, It wasn't like he could get mugged, or attacked, or even chewed on by a dinosaur. Everything outside seemed calm, none of the usual buzz that announced trouble on the island. This close to the compound, you tended to overhear enough bits and pieces.

I was expecting it to be him. But it was Brad--and only him. The fact that he hadn't bothered to knock and the look on his face meant I could almost guess.

There was one thing I hadn't figured could happen to Nate, and I tried to dismiss it as I looked up. "Yeah?" I said, almost not wanting to know.

[nothingtomiss]

"Tell me that he's been here," says Brad, jaw set, still standing in the doorway. He desperately wants to believe that, even if Nate isn't here now, he's been here, a minute or so before. If Remy's seen him, it'll be proof of some kind.

He's willing her to say he's been here.

[number_unlucky]

"No," I said, and I wasn't sure if that was a response to his statement or a reaction to it instead. Probably both. My breath caught in my chest, or maybe it was my heart. Both anatomically impossible, but it felt pretty damn true.

I shook my head slowly. "No," I said, and swayed slightly, catching myself on the table.

[nothingtomiss]

He feels his stomach drop away. Of all the things that he was ever expecting to happen, this never even featured. Somehow, he always thought that he was going to go first. He's barely thinking as he crosses the space between them. He's barely aware of dropping down onto his knees and reaching for her with one arm.

[number_unlucky]

I sank to the floor next to him, catching his hand and trying to ignore the fact that my eyes had gone hot and swimmy--I was not going to start bawling, Nate would hate that--

But he wasn't here, he wasn't going to be here. Somewhere, in the part of me reserved for Breaking Bad News To Families, I found enough strength to say, "He's gone, isn't he?"

To actually get the words out once, so that we didn't have to say them again.

[nothingtomiss]

Wrapping both arms around Remy, he pulls her in against his chest and all he can think is that Nate ought to be between them. She says it; she says it and he's pathetically grateful that he doesn't have to. He'll never be able to pay her back for that.

"Yeah," he says, voice rough. "Yes. He is."

[number_unlucky]

"Oh, Jesus," I muttered under my breath, and curled in against him like a child. I'd be mortified about it later, probably, but right then I didn't care. "What are we going to do?"

It was rhetorical, and I knew I'd probably hear 'Marines make do' in response, but I didn't care about that either.

[nothingtomiss]

He doesn't know; he can't. It's always been Nate who's known what to do. Unconsciously, they've always followed his lead. And now he's gone and they're on their own.

"We'll figure it out," he promises, though he's got no faith in that. "The three of us."

[number_unlucky]

"Yeah," I said, and it was a little more definitive than his statement. "We've got to."

I ventured a look at the room--from this angle, admittedly a little awkward--and tried not to think about living here without Nate. I thought of Coraline, waking to find Adam gone. I thought about all the unfair things about living here.

[nothingtomiss]

"He wouldn't expect anything less."

THe smile is barely there and it's nothing to do with humour. He swallows against the lump in his throat and brushes his fingers through her dark hair. "Fuck."

[number_unlucky]

"He'd fucking kill us if we didn't," I agreed, and squeezed my eyes shut, because I was crying again. At least it wasn't the nasty snot kind of crying yet; I didn't think I could live with myself if I did that to Brad again.

"Fucking hell. I need a drink."

[nothingtomiss]

Fucking hell, he does too. He nods, letting go of her with one hand to start to push to his feet. He'll explain himself to Terry later; he's got a feeling that she'll forgive him.

"C'mon," he says, holding out his hand to her (they've been here before, but never like this). "Let's get fucked up."

[number_unlucky]

"Not even fucking noon, Colbert," I said, sniffling back a bit and wiping my eyes with the back of my left hand before taking his with my right to pull myself up. Though if there's any time where it's probably allowed...

[nothingtomiss]

"It's cocktail hour somewhere, Hadley," says Brad, wiping his own eyes and keeping her hand in his. "And I think the world can cut us some fucking slack today."

[number_unlucky]

"Question is only what to drink," I said, after considering it for a half-second. I squeezed his hand and straightened my hair, half-assedly because I didn't particularly give a shit. "Not any fine scotch around, as far as I know."

I swallowed, at the thought.

[nothingtomiss]

There's a sick pain in his gut when she mentions it; he remembers having that conversation with Nate on New Years.

"I don't even care."