almost the end of the year
1st rejection letter in the mail today. upenn can kiss my ass. i guess i'm upset about it, but i knew it was coming i guess. but i've got other schools, it's not the only one i applied to. so yeah, i guess i'm not totally falling apart or anything but still it's disheartening. somebody doesn't want me. oh well.
also, why is it that i am incapable of telling my mom anything serious without crying? seriously, i just start crying whenever i have to tell her some sort of bad news. amazingly, i am almost unable to cry around anyone else. this makes no sense as it is my mother who stresses me out the most in my life. so how can she be a safe place for me to cry? or maybe it's that it's not safe... i know that sounds pretty crazy but sometimes i feel like people expect me to cry sometimes. like, if i don't cry i am hard inside so i have to cry for them to see my soft insides. but mom knows the whole hard candy shell thing is bogus. she's my mom, she knows me pretty well.
i dunno, i just think it's interesting. but the thing is i never really fully cry around anyone. not even nan. but tonight when i was alone i did. it's so weird to say but i guess it felt good. i haven't cried like that in quite a while. it's good to spill over a little bit every once in a while.
strange, i feel calm...
also, why is it that i am incapable of telling my mom anything serious without crying? seriously, i just start crying whenever i have to tell her some sort of bad news. amazingly, i am almost unable to cry around anyone else. this makes no sense as it is my mother who stresses me out the most in my life. so how can she be a safe place for me to cry? or maybe it's that it's not safe... i know that sounds pretty crazy but sometimes i feel like people expect me to cry sometimes. like, if i don't cry i am hard inside so i have to cry for them to see my soft insides. but mom knows the whole hard candy shell thing is bogus. she's my mom, she knows me pretty well.
i dunno, i just think it's interesting. but the thing is i never really fully cry around anyone. not even nan. but tonight when i was alone i did. it's so weird to say but i guess it felt good. i haven't cried like that in quite a while. it's good to spill over a little bit every once in a while.
strange, i feel calm...