yayness
so i just spent a very long time updating my journal, only to have space, time and the internet gobble it up entirely.
where is my "restore from saved draft"?!
i hate repeating myself, but i suppose there are a few points of interest i was discussing.
there are exciting things coming up for me in the month of march:
SATURDAY MARCH 14TH a.m - meeting with wilhelmina modeling agency. i'm not really too sure how to feel about this. i am currently the right measurements and proportions to model (i am currently 5'9.5", 32.5"-23.5"-32.5"! nice eh?) my arms look lean and healthy for the first time in well... ever. probably since childhood!(i still think they look fat, but in my heart i know that they're muscular and i am neurotic) my skin is looking better since the prescription (still not 100% but i'm starting to see improvement & it quit peeling off). i think i have more confidence than i did when i met with elite, and still more than i did as an early teen model.i have to remember that this whole modeling thing came from the desire for two possible life outcomes - to eventually become a photographer, or to eventually become an actress. i'm not sure if i want either of those things as much as i used to. i'm not sure i could have an agency telling me how to look all of the time. i'm not sure if i could have someone telling me to lose more weight all the time. i'm afraid it would push me over from "a bit obsessive" to "sick". though i think my overall health (both mental & physical) has dramatically improved with increasing my exercise level. i would be interested in alt modeling, but it seems the majority of that is porn & i am not all about showing my twat on the internet. twat. what a terrible word.
SATURDAY MARCH 14th p.m - BBSD vs CCRG
i am not jamming! woo! thank fucking goodness! i may have kicked serious ass at the last bout, but i'd rather be a blocker. i'm aggressive. i'm 5'9.5"- i've got a wicked "can-opener"! not to mention i have become very good at knowing whats going on around me and using it to my advantage. i no longer get flustered in the pack. i am smilingly evil, collected, determined. my stance is fucking wicked these days. though to be completely honest i am TERRIFIED i'm going to get hurt. it would be the worst possible time for me to hurt myself. also not looking forward to the FIVE HOUR DRIVE :(
FRIDAY MARCH 20th - my 23rd birthday!!
i've decided that i'd like to have a party. what is this big house & yard for if not throwing epic parties?? i've allotted myself THREE THOUSAND calories for that day. lol. since my calorie counting is now daily AND weekly i can move things around more, which makes for a happier and better fed xandrie. the idea of eating/drinking pretty much anything i'd desire for my birthday is very appealing. especially in the midst of all this pre-ULTRA dieting. i've been fantasizing about it for some time now- this crazy smorgasbord of food. it will involve some of my mother's famous hors d'oeuvres, broasted chicken (which is like fried chicken, only more delicious) and chips, as well as several desserts.
its crazy to think that my mother was 23 when she had me. when i was in elementary school i made a life time line & according to it age 23 is the year i get married. suppose its going to be wrong, but it just blows my mind to think about both of those things. being a mother at 23/my mother at age 23, and as a child how i thought i would be at 23.
SATURDAY MARCH 21st - wildchild's birthday xtravaganza
john b will be spinning, i will be dancing. should be a pretty awesome time!! all of the ultra-goers will get to meet up and squeal for joy about our upcoming trip.
MONDAY MARCH 23rd -get awesome hair!
champagne blonde, bright green, blue, platinum and teal. my hair is going to be HUGE and AWESOME!
WEDNESDAY MARCH 25th - leave for ULTRA
THURSDAY MARCH 26th- DANCING AT TECHNOSLUTS PARTY!
FRIDAY MARCH 27TH- ULTRA
SATURDAY MARCH 28TH- ULTRA
SUNDAY MARCH 29TH- relaxing in miami
i love my life!
where is my "restore from saved draft"?!
i hate repeating myself, but i suppose there are a few points of interest i was discussing.
there are exciting things coming up for me in the month of march:
SATURDAY MARCH 14TH a.m - meeting with wilhelmina modeling agency. i'm not really too sure how to feel about this. i am currently the right measurements and proportions to model (i am currently 5'9.5", 32.5"-23.5"-32.5"! nice eh?) my arms look lean and healthy for the first time in well... ever. probably since childhood!(i still think they look fat, but in my heart i know that they're muscular and i am neurotic) my skin is looking better since the prescription (still not 100% but i'm starting to see improvement & it quit peeling off). i think i have more confidence than i did when i met with elite, and still more than i did as an early teen model.i have to remember that this whole modeling thing came from the desire for two possible life outcomes - to eventually become a photographer, or to eventually become an actress. i'm not sure if i want either of those things as much as i used to. i'm not sure i could have an agency telling me how to look all of the time. i'm not sure if i could have someone telling me to lose more weight all the time. i'm afraid it would push me over from "a bit obsessive" to "sick". though i think my overall health (both mental & physical) has dramatically improved with increasing my exercise level. i would be interested in alt modeling, but it seems the majority of that is porn & i am not all about showing my twat on the internet. twat. what a terrible word.
SATURDAY MARCH 14th p.m - BBSD vs CCRG
i am not jamming! woo! thank fucking goodness! i may have kicked serious ass at the last bout, but i'd rather be a blocker. i'm aggressive. i'm 5'9.5"- i've got a wicked "can-opener"! not to mention i have become very good at knowing whats going on around me and using it to my advantage. i no longer get flustered in the pack. i am smilingly evil, collected, determined. my stance is fucking wicked these days. though to be completely honest i am TERRIFIED i'm going to get hurt. it would be the worst possible time for me to hurt myself. also not looking forward to the FIVE HOUR DRIVE :(
FRIDAY MARCH 20th - my 23rd birthday!!
i've decided that i'd like to have a party. what is this big house & yard for if not throwing epic parties?? i've allotted myself THREE THOUSAND calories for that day. lol. since my calorie counting is now daily AND weekly i can move things around more, which makes for a happier and better fed xandrie. the idea of eating/drinking pretty much anything i'd desire for my birthday is very appealing. especially in the midst of all this pre-ULTRA dieting. i've been fantasizing about it for some time now- this crazy smorgasbord of food. it will involve some of my mother's famous hors d'oeuvres, broasted chicken (which is like fried chicken, only more delicious) and chips, as well as several desserts.
its crazy to think that my mother was 23 when she had me. when i was in elementary school i made a life time line & according to it age 23 is the year i get married. suppose its going to be wrong, but it just blows my mind to think about both of those things. being a mother at 23/my mother at age 23, and as a child how i thought i would be at 23.
SATURDAY MARCH 21st - wildchild's birthday xtravaganza
john b will be spinning, i will be dancing. should be a pretty awesome time!! all of the ultra-goers will get to meet up and squeal for joy about our upcoming trip.
MONDAY MARCH 23rd -get awesome hair!
champagne blonde, bright green, blue, platinum and teal. my hair is going to be HUGE and AWESOME!
WEDNESDAY MARCH 25th - leave for ULTRA
THURSDAY MARCH 26th- DANCING AT TECHNOSLUTS PARTY!
FRIDAY MARCH 27TH- ULTRA
SATURDAY MARCH 28TH- ULTRA
SUNDAY MARCH 29TH- relaxing in miami
i love my life!