(no subject)
i want to slice my wrist or throw myself through a window or anything to just end it
this is not me
i cant take this life or this house or any of this
i will never be happy
i will complain all the time
about everything
i told nick things last night that were really important to me an im glad i got them out
i fucking hate my mom
i wish i could kill her
she is 85%of why i am the way i am now
i let things catch up with me
and im not strong enough to fix things on my own
an i barely have any friends anymore an it is sad
where did they all go
i miss them so much everyday now
or maybe they are there but i am just too blkind to see them cause it seems there are lots of things in front of my face that i dont see
i cry everyday an im sick of it
i never want to get out of bed
im going to stay there an let the world pass me by
like i have been my whole life
i wish i could end this
but im a pussy
it is too painful to go through this everyday
to constantly wake up to this
an i feel that i will never be able to put the past behind me
of the people that read this one person might know a bit of whats behind me
the me now
im so low i stay in the house almost everyday
but i say i want to go an hang out with everyone
an i iwill get there an not talk
cause i dotn have anything to say
or will get too nervous to talk
i have the no self esteem an it is a sicknening quality in a human
an its even more sickening when you need someone there constantly to tell you they love you
an that your worth something
but it still isnt enough
it will never be enough cause i will always want something more
an when you have no friends your family is suppose to be there for you
but my family hasnt been there for me much before this so why would they now
an i kinda dotn want them there cause i resent them for the past
an livejournal is so fucking gay but i feel its all i have right now
i have been cryoing way too long
since last night
which was saves the day
an i saw people
an was in a good mood cause i had some drinks
and it is sad that i feel that is the only time i am balanced or happy an its temporary
an once the buzz is gone i feel like shit and am crying again
and once again i am
i cant take life
i always feel like everything is my fault an people hate me
i need help
i need out
i cant take this anymoere
i cant do it i want people to be there
the ones that dont exist
i love katie the most
she is like my only friend
who knows whats going on and anne is there sometimes an so is hilary
but i dotn feel like i cant count on people
how can you when you cant count on yourself or your own family
i feel so alone in this world
an have for so long
but through some of it i have had companions, lovers an they make you feel better for those moments in time
i cant think straight
saves the day was amazing last ngiht
then i came home an got in a fight
i hate living here
with you
i hate it more than anything
i dont know how i havent killed you yet
i contain myself pretty well
but i destroy myself inside
why do i do this to myself
an stay here cause i feel like i have to
i wish i stayed at katies i was doing so good
an stayed in school
but i always quit everything
i gave up on life
this is not me
i cant take this life or this house or any of this
i will never be happy
i will complain all the time
about everything
i told nick things last night that were really important to me an im glad i got them out
i fucking hate my mom
i wish i could kill her
she is 85%of why i am the way i am now
i let things catch up with me
and im not strong enough to fix things on my own
an i barely have any friends anymore an it is sad
where did they all go
i miss them so much everyday now
or maybe they are there but i am just too blkind to see them cause it seems there are lots of things in front of my face that i dont see
i cry everyday an im sick of it
i never want to get out of bed
im going to stay there an let the world pass me by
like i have been my whole life
i wish i could end this
but im a pussy
it is too painful to go through this everyday
to constantly wake up to this
an i feel that i will never be able to put the past behind me
of the people that read this one person might know a bit of whats behind me
the me now
im so low i stay in the house almost everyday
but i say i want to go an hang out with everyone
an i iwill get there an not talk
cause i dotn have anything to say
or will get too nervous to talk
i have the no self esteem an it is a sicknening quality in a human
an its even more sickening when you need someone there constantly to tell you they love you
an that your worth something
but it still isnt enough
it will never be enough cause i will always want something more
an when you have no friends your family is suppose to be there for you
but my family hasnt been there for me much before this so why would they now
an i kinda dotn want them there cause i resent them for the past
an livejournal is so fucking gay but i feel its all i have right now
i have been cryoing way too long
since last night
which was saves the day
an i saw people
an was in a good mood cause i had some drinks
and it is sad that i feel that is the only time i am balanced or happy an its temporary
an once the buzz is gone i feel like shit and am crying again
and once again i am
i cant take life
i always feel like everything is my fault an people hate me
i need help
i need out
i cant take this anymoere
i cant do it i want people to be there
the ones that dont exist
i love katie the most
she is like my only friend
who knows whats going on and anne is there sometimes an so is hilary
but i dotn feel like i cant count on people
how can you when you cant count on yourself or your own family
i feel so alone in this world
an have for so long
but through some of it i have had companions, lovers an they make you feel better for those moments in time
i cant think straight
saves the day was amazing last ngiht
then i came home an got in a fight
i hate living here
with you
i hate it more than anything
i dont know how i havent killed you yet
i contain myself pretty well
but i destroy myself inside
why do i do this to myself
an stay here cause i feel like i have to
i wish i stayed at katies i was doing so good
an stayed in school
but i always quit everything
i gave up on life